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AS YOU LIKE IT
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
JAQUES (JAQUES DE BOYS:) | sons of Sir Rowland de Boys. | ORLANDO |
TOUCHSTONE a clown. SIR OLIVER MARTEXT a vicar.
A person representing HYMEN. (HYMEN:)
ROSALIND daughter to the banished duke.
Lords, pages, and attendants, &c.
(Forester:)
(A Lord:)
(First Lord:)
(Second Lord:)
(First Page:)
(Second Page:)
AS YOU LIKE IT
[Enter ORLANDO and ADAM]
[Enter OLIVER]
[Exeunt ORLANDO and ADAM]
[Enter DENNIS]
[Exit DENNIS]
'Twill be a good way; and to-morrow the wrestling is.
[Enter CHARLES]
[Exit CHARLES]
Now will I stir this gamester: I hope I shall see an end of him; for my soul, yet I know not why, hates nothing more than he. Yet he's gentle, never schooled and yet learned, full of noble device, of all sorts enchantingly beloved, and indeed so much in the heart of the world, and especially of my own people, who best know him, that I am altogether misprised: but it shall not be so long; this wrestler shall clear all: nothing remains but that I kindle the boy thither; which now I'll go about.
[Exit]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE II Lawn before the Duke's palace.
[Enter CELIA and ROSALIND]
CELIA I pray thee, Rosalind, sweet my coz, be merry. ROSALIND Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of; and would you yet I were merrier? Unless you could teach me to forget a banished father, you must not learn me how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.
ROSALIND Well, I will forget the condition of my estate, to rejoice in yours.
ROSALIND From henceforth I will, coz, and devise sports. Let me see; what think you of falling in love?
ROSALIND What shall be our sport, then?
ROSALIND I would we could do so, for her benefits are mightily misplaced, and the bountiful blind woman doth most mistake in her gifts to women.
ROSALIND Nay, now thou goest from Fortune's office to Nature's: Fortune reigns in gifts of the world, not in the lineaments of Nature.
[Enter TOUCHSTONE]
ROSALIND Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature, when Fortune makes Nature's natural the cutter-off of Nature's wit.
TOUCHSTONE Mistress, you must come away to your father. CELIA Were you made the messenger? TOUCHSTONE No, by mine honour, but I was bid to come for you. ROSALIND Where learned you that oath, fool? TOUCHSTONE Of a certain knight that swore by his honour they were good pancakes and swore by his honour the mustard was naught: now I'll stand to it, the pancakes were naught and the mustard was good, and yet was not the knight forsworn.
ROSALIND Ay, marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom. TOUCHSTONE Stand you both forth now: stroke your chins, and swear by your beards that I am a knave. CELIA By our beards, if we had them, thou art. TOUCHSTONE By my knavery, if I had it, then I were; but if you swear by that that is not, you are not forsworn: no more was this knight swearing by his honour, for he never had any; or if he had, he had sworn it away before ever he saw those pancakes or that mustard. CELIA Prithee, who is't that thou meanest? TOUCHSTONE One that old Frederick, your father, loves.
TOUCHSTONE The more pity, that fools may not speak wisely what wise men do foolishly.
ROSALIND With his mouth full of news. CELIA Which he will put on us, as pigeons feed their young. ROSALIND Then shall we be news-crammed.
[Enter LE BEAU]
Bon jour, Monsieur Le Beau: what's the news?
ROSALIND As wit and fortune will. TOUCHSTONE Or as the Destinies decree. CELIA Well said: that was laid on with a trowel. TOUCHSTONE Nay, if I keep not my rank,-- ROSALIND Thou losest thy old smell.
wrestling, which you have lost the sight of.
ROSALIND You tell us the manner of the wrestling.
your ladyships, you may see the end; for the best is yet to do; and here, where you are, they are coming to perform it.
ROSALIND With bills on their necks, 'Be it known unto all men by these presents.'LE BEAU The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles, the
duke's wrestler; which Charles in a moment threw him and broke three of his ribs, that there is little hope of life in him: so he served the second, and so the third. Yonder they lie; the poor old man, their father, making such pitiful dole over them that all the beholders take his part with weeping.
ROSALIND Alas! TOUCHSTONE But what is the sport, monsieur, that the ladies have lost?LE BEAU Why, this that I speak of.
TOUCHSTONE Thus men may grow wiser every day: it is the first time that ever I heard breaking of ribs was sport for ladies. CELIA Or I, I promise thee. ROSALIND But is there any else longs to see this broken music in his sides? is there yet another dotes upon rib-breaking? Shall we see this wrestling, cousin?LE BEAU You must, if you stay here; for here is the place
appointed for the wrestling, and they are ready to perform it.
[Flourish. Enter DUKE FREDERICK, Lords, ORLANDO, CHARLES, and Attendants]
own peril on his forwardness.
ROSALIND Is yonder the man?
to see the wrestling?
ROSALIND Ay, my liege, so please you give us leave.
there is such odds in the man. In pity of the challenger's youth I would fain dissuade him, but he will not be entreated. Speak to him, ladies; see if you can move him.
ROSALIND Young man, have you challenged Charles the wrestler?
ROSALIND Do, young sir; your reputation shall not therefore be misprised: we will make it our suit to the duke that the wrestling might not go forward.
ROSALIND The little strength that I have, I would it were with you. CELIA And mine, to eke out hers. ROSALIND Fare you well: pray heaven I be deceived in you!
ROSALIND Now Hercules be thy speed, young man!
[They wrestle]
ROSALIND O excellent young man!
[Shout. CHARLES is thrown]
The world esteem'd thy father honourable,
But I did find him still mine enemy:
Thou shouldst have better pleased me with this deed, Hadst thou descended from another house.
But fare thee well; thou art a gallant youth: I would thou hadst told me of another father.
[Exeunt DUKE FREDERICK, train, and LE BEAU]
ROSALIND My father loved Sir Rowland as his soul, And all the world was of my father's mind: Had I before known this young man his son, I should have given him tears unto entreaties, Ere he should thus have ventured.
ROSALIND Gentleman,
[Giving him a chain from her neck]
Wear this for me, one out of suits with fortune, That could give more, but that her hand lacks means. Shall we go, coz?
CELIA Ay. Fare you well, fair gentleman.
ROSALIND He calls us back: my pride fell with my fortunes; I'll ask him what he would. Did you call, sir? Sir, you have wrestled well and overthrown More than your enemies. CELIA Will you go, coz? ROSALIND Have with you. Fare you well.
[Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA]
[Re-enter LE BEAU]
To leave this place. Albeit you have deserved High commendation, true applause and love,
Yet such is now the duke's condition
That he misconstrues all that you have done. The duke is humorous; what he is indeed,
More suits you to conceive than I to speak of.
But yet indeed the lesser is his daughter
The other is daughter to the banish'd duke, And here detain'd by her usurping uncle,
To keep his daughter company; whose loves
Are dearer than the natural bond of sisters. But I can tell you that of late this duke
Hath ta'en displeasure 'gainst his gentle niece, Grounded upon no other argument
But that the people praise her for her virtues And pity her for her good father's sake;
And, on my life, his malice 'gainst the lady Will suddenly break forth. Sir, fare you well: Hereafter, in a better world than this,
I shall desire more love and knowledge of you.
[Exit LE BEAU]
Thus must I from the smoke into the smother; From tyrant duke unto a tyrant brother:
But heavenly Rosalind!
[Exit]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE III A room in the palace.
[Enter CELIA and ROSALIND]
CELIA Why, cousin! why, Rosalind! Cupid have mercy! not a word? ROSALIND Not one to throw at a dog.
ROSALIND Then there were two cousins laid up; when the one should be lamed with reasons and the other mad without any. CELIA But is all this for your father? ROSALIND No, some of it is for my child's father. O, how full of briers is this working-day world!
ROSALIND I could shake them off my coat: these burs are in my heart. CELIA Hem them away. ROSALIND I would try, if I could cry 'hem' and have him. CELIA Come, come, wrestle with thy affections. ROSALIND O, they take the part of a better wrestler than myself!
ROSALIND The duke my father loved his father dearly.
ROSALIND No, faith, hate him not, for my sake. CELIA Why should I not? doth he not deserve well? ROSALIND Let me love him for that, and do you love him because I do. Look, here comes the duke.CELIA With his eyes full of anger.
[Enter DUKE FREDERICK, with Lords]
And get you from our court.
ROSALIND Me, uncle?
Within these ten days if that thou be'st found So near our public court as twenty miles,
Thou diest for it.
ROSALIND I do beseech your grace, Let me the knowledge of my fault bear with me: If with myself I hold intelligence Or have acquaintance with mine own desires, If that I do not dream or be not frantic,--
As I do trust I am not--then, dear uncle,
Never so much as in a thought unborn
Did I offend your highness.
If their purgation did consist in words,
They are as innocent as grace itself:
Let it suffice thee that I trust thee not.
ROSALIND Yet your mistrust cannot make me a traitor: Tell me whereon the likelihood depends.DUKE FREDERICK Thou art thy father's daughter; there's enough.
ROSALIND So was I when your highness took his dukedom; So was I when your highness banish'd him: Treason is not inherited, my lord; Or, if we did derive it from our friends, What's that to me? my father was no traitor:
Then, good my liege, mistake me not so much To think my poverty is treacherous.
Else had she with her father ranged along.
Her very silence and her patience
Speak to the people, and they pity her.
Thou art a fool: she robs thee of thy name; And thou wilt show more bright and seem more virtuous When she is gone. Then open not thy lips:
Firm and irrevocable is my doom
Which I have pass'd upon her; she is banish'd.
If you outstay the time, upon mine honour,
And in the greatness of my word, you die.
[Exeunt DUKE FREDERICK and Lords]
ROSALIND I have more cause. CELIA Thou hast not, cousin; Prithee be cheerful: know'st thou not, the duke Hath banish'd me, his daughter? ROSALIND That he hath not.
ROSALIND Why, whither shall we go? CELIA To seek my uncle in the forest of Arden. ROSALIND Alas, what danger will it be to us, Maids as we are, to travel forth so far! Beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold.
ROSALIND Were it not better, Because that I am more than common tall, That I did suit me all points like a man? A gallant curtle-axe upon my thigh, A boar-spear in my hand; and--in my heart
Lie there what hidden woman's fear there will-- We'll have a swashing and a martial outside, As many other mannish cowards have
That do outface it with their semblances.
CELIA What shall I call thee when thou art a man? ROSALIND I'll have no worse a name than Jove's own page; And therefore look you call me Ganymede. But what will you be call'd?
ROSALIND But, cousin, what if we assay'd to steal The clownish fool out of your father's court? Would he not be a comfort to our travel?
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
[Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, and two or three Lords, like foresters]
Hath not old custom made this life more sweet Than that of painted pomp? Are not these woods More free from peril than the envious court? Here feel we but the penalty of Adam,
The seasons' difference, as the icy fang
And churlish chiding of the winter's wind,
Which, when it bites and blows upon my body, Even till I shrink with cold, I smile and say 'This is no flattery: these are counsellors That feelingly persuade me what I am.'
Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;
And this our life exempt from public haunt
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, Sermons in stones and good in every thing.
I would not change it.
And yet it irks me the poor dappled fools,
Being native burghers of this desert city,
Should in their own confines with forked heads Have their round haunches gored.
First Lord Indeed, my lord, The melancholy Jaques grieves at that, And, in that kind, swears you do more usurp Than doth your brother that hath banish'd you. To-day my Lord of Amiens and myself
Did steal behind him as he lay along
Under an oak whose antique root peeps out
Upon the brook that brawls along this wood: To the which place a poor sequester'd stag, That from the hunter's aim had ta'en a hurt, Did come to languish, and indeed, my lord,
The wretched animal heaved forth such groans That their discharge did stretch his leathern coat Almost to bursting, and the big round tears Coursed one another down his innocent nose
In piteous chase; and thus the hairy fool
Much marked of the melancholy Jaques,
Stood on the extremest verge of the swift brook, Augmenting it with tears.
Did he not moralize this spectacle?
First Lord O, yes, into a thousand similes. First, for his weeping into the needless stream; 'Poor deer,' quoth he, 'thou makest a testament As worldlings do, giving thy sum of more To that which had too much:' then, being there alone,
Left and abandon'd of his velvet friends,
''Tis right:' quoth he; 'thus misery doth part The flux of company:' anon a careless herd, Full of the pasture, jumps along by him
And never stays to greet him; 'Ay' quoth Jaques, 'Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens;
'Tis just the fashion: wherefore do you look Upon that poor and broken bankrupt there?'
Thus most invectively he pierceth through
The body of the country, city, court,
Yea, and of this our life, swearing that we Are mere usurpers, tyrants and what's worse, To fright the animals and to kill them up
In their assign'd and native dwelling-place.
Upon the sobbing deer.
I love to cope him in these sullen fits,
For then he's full of matter.
First Lord I'll bring you to him straight.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE II A room in the palace.
[Enter DUKE FREDERICK, with Lords]
It cannot be: some villains of my court
Are of consent and sufferance in this.
First Lord I cannot hear of any that did see her. The ladies, her attendants of her chamber, Saw her abed, and in the morning early They found the bed untreasured of their mistress.Second Lord My lord, the roynish clown, at whom so oft
Your grace was wont to laugh, is also missing. Hisperia, the princess' gentlewoman,
Confesses that she secretly o'erheard
Your daughter and her cousin much commend
The parts and graces of the wrestler
That did but lately foil the sinewy Charles; And she believes, wherever they are gone,
That youth is surely in their company.
If he be absent, bring his brother to me;
I'll make him find him: do this suddenly,
And let not search and inquisition quail
To bring again these foolish runaways.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE III Before OLIVER'S house.
[Enter ORLANDO and ADAM, meeting]
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE IV The Forest of Arden.
[Enter ROSALIND for Ganymede, CELIA for Aliena, and TOUCHSTONE]
ROSALIND O Jupiter, how weary are my spirits! TOUCHSTONE I care not for my spirits, if my legs were not weary. ROSALIND I could find in my heart to disgrace my man's apparel and to cry like a woman; but I must comfort the weaker vessel, as doublet and hose ought to show itself courageous to petticoat: therefore courage, good Aliena! CELIA I pray you, bear with me; I cannot go no further. TOUCHSTONE For my part, I had rather bear with you than bear you; yet I should bear no cross if I did bear you, for I think you have no money in your purse. ROSALIND Well, this is the forest of Arden. TOUCHSTONE Ay, now am I in Arden; the more fool I; when I was at home, I was in a better place: but travellers must be content. ROSALIND Ay, be so, good Touchstone.
[Enter CORIN and SILVIUS]
Look you, who comes here; a young man and an old in solemn talk.
[Exit]
ROSALIND Alas, poor shepherd! searching of thy wound, I have by hard adventure found mine own. TOUCHSTONE And I mine. I remember, when I was in love I broke my sword upon a stone and bid him take that for coming a-night to Jane Smile; and I remember the kissing of her batlet and the cow's dugs that her pretty chopt hands had milked; and I remember the
wooing of a peascod instead of her, from whom I took two cods and, giving her them again, said with weeping tears 'Wear these for my sake.' We that are true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal in folly.
ROSALIND Thou speakest wiser than thou art ware of. TOUCHSTONE Nay, I shall ne'er be ware of mine own wit till I break my shins against it. ROSALIND Jove, Jove! this shepherd's passion Is much upon my fashion. TOUCHSTONE And mine; but it grows something stale with me.
TOUCHSTONE Holla, you clown! ROSALIND Peace, fool: he's not thy kinsman. CORIN Who calls? TOUCHSTONE Your betters, sir. CORIN Else are they very wretched. ROSALIND Peace, I say. Good even to you, friend. CORIN And to you, gentle sir, and to you all. ROSALIND I prithee, shepherd, if that love or gold Can in this desert place buy entertainment, Bring us where we may rest ourselves and feed: Here's a young maid with travel much oppress'd And faints for succor.
ROSALIND What is he that shall buy his flock and pasture?
ROSALIND I pray thee, if it stand with honesty, Buy thou the cottage, pasture and the flock, And thou shalt have to pay for it of us.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
[Enter AMIENS, JAQUES, and others]
SONG.
SONG.
Who doth ambition shun
[All together here]
And loves to live i' the sun,
Seeking the food he eats
And pleased with what he gets,
Come hither, come hither, come hither:
Here shall he see No enemy
But winter and rough weather.
If it do come to pass
That any man turn ass,
Leaving his wealth and ease,
A stubborn will to please,
Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame:
Here shall he see
Gross fools as he,
An if he will come to me.
[Exeunt severally]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE VI The forest.
[Enter ORLANDO and ADAM]
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE VII The forest.
[A table set out. Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, and Lords like outlaws]
For I can no where find him like a man.
First Lord My lord, he is but even now gone hence: Here was he merry, hearing of a song.DUKE SENIOR If he, compact of jars, grow musical,
We shall have shortly discord in the spheres. Go, seek him: tell him I would speak with him.
[Enter JAQUES]
First Lord He saves my labour by his own approach.
That your poor friends must woo your company? What, you look merrily!
For thou thyself hast been a libertine,
As sensual as the brutish sting itself;
And all the embossed sores and headed evils, That thou with licence of free foot hast caught, Wouldst thou disgorge into the general world.
[Enter ORLANDO, with his sword drawn]
Or else a rude despiser of good manners,
That in civility thou seem'st so empty?
More than your force move us to gentleness.
And have with holy bell been knoll'd to church And sat at good men's feasts and wiped our eyes Of drops that sacred pity hath engender'd:
And therefore sit you down in gentleness
And take upon command what help we have
That to your wanting may be minister'd.
And we will nothing waste till you return.
[Exit]
This wide and universal theatre
Presents more woeful pageants than the scene Wherein we play in.
[Re-enter ORLANDO, with ADAM]
And let him feed.
As yet, to question you about your fortunes. Give us some music; and, good cousin, sing.
SONG.
As you have whisper'd faithfully you were,
And as mine eye doth his effigies witness
Most truly limn'd and living in your face,
Be truly welcome hither: I am the duke
That loved your father: the residue of your fortune, Go to my cave and tell me. Good old man,
Thou art right welcome as thy master is.
Support him by the arm. Give me your hand,
And let me all your fortunes understand.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
[Enter DUKE FREDERICK, Lords, and OLIVER]
But were I not the better part made mercy,
I should not seek an absent argument
Of my revenge, thou present. But look to it: Find out thy brother, wheresoe'er he is;
Seek him with candle; bring him dead or living Within this twelvemonth, or turn thou no more To seek a living in our territory.
Thy lands and all things that thou dost call thine Worth seizure do we seize into our hands,
Till thou canst quit thee by thy brothers mouth Of what we think against thee.
And let my officers of such a nature
Make an extent upon his house and lands:
Do this expediently and turn him going.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE II The forest.
[Enter ORLANDO, with a paper]
[Exit]
[Enter CORIN and TOUCHSTONE]
CORIN And how like you this shepherd's life, Master Touchstone? TOUCHSTONE Truly, shepherd, in respect of itself, it is a good life, but in respect that it is a shepherd's life, it is naught. In respect that it is solitary, I like it very well; but in respect that it is private, it is a very vile life. Now, in respect it
is in the fields, it pleaseth me well; but in respect it is not in the court, it is tedious. As is it a spare life, look you, it fits my humour well; but as there is no more plenty in it, it goes much against my stomach. Hast any philosophy in thee, shepherd?
TOUCHSTONE Such a one is a natural philosopher. Wast ever in court, shepherd? CORIN No, truly. TOUCHSTONE Then thou art damned. CORIN Nay, I hope. TOUCHSTONE Truly, thou art damned like an ill-roasted egg, all on one side. CORIN For not being at court? Your reason. TOUCHSTONE Why, if thou never wast at court, thou never sawest good manners; if thou never sawest good manners, then thy manners must be wicked; and wickedness is sin, and sin is damnation. Thou art in a parlous state, shepherd.
TOUCHSTONE Instance, briefly; come, instance.
TOUCHSTONE Why, do not your courtier's hands sweat? and is not the grease of a mutton as wholesome as the sweat of a man? Shallow, shallow. A better instance, I say; come. CORIN Besides, our hands are hard. TOUCHSTONE Your lips will feel them the sooner. Shallow again. A more sounder instance, come.
TOUCHSTONE Most shallow man! thou worms-meat, in respect of a good piece of flesh indeed! Learn of the wise, and perpend: civet is of a baser birth than tar, the very uncleanly flux of a cat. Mend the instance, shepherd. CORIN You have too courtly a wit for me: I'll rest. TOUCHSTONE Wilt thou rest damned? God help thee, shallow man! God make incision in thee! thou art raw.
TOUCHSTONE That is another simple sin in you, to bring the ewes and the rams together and to offer to get your living by the copulation of cattle; to be bawd to a bell-wether, and to betray a she-lamb of a twelvemonth to a crooked-pated, old, cuckoldly ram,
out of all reasonable match. If thou beest not damned for this, the devil himself will have no shepherds; I cannot see else how thou shouldst 'scape.
[Enter ROSALIND, with a paper, reading]
ROSALIND From the east to western Ind, No jewel is like Rosalind. Her worth, being mounted on the wind, Through all the world bears Rosalind. All the pictures fairest lined
Are but black to Rosalind.
Let no fair be kept in mind
But the fair of Rosalind.
TOUCHSTONE I'll rhyme you so eight years together, dinners and suppers and sleeping-hours excepted: it is the right butter-women's rank to market. ROSALIND Out, fool! TOUCHSTONE For a taste: If a hart do lack a hind, Let him seek out Rosalind. If the cat will after kind, So be sure will Rosalind.
Winter garments must be lined,
So must slender Rosalind.
They that reap must sheaf and bind;
Then to cart with Rosalind.
Sweetest nut hath sourest rind,
Such a nut is Rosalind.
He that sweetest rose will find
Must find love's prick and Rosalind.
This is the very false gallop of verses: why do you infect yourself with them?
ROSALIND Peace, you dull fool! I found them on a tree. TOUCHSTONE Truly, the tree yields bad fruit. ROSALIND I'll graff it with you, and then I shall graff it with a medlar: then it will be the earliest fruit i' the country; for you'll be rotten ere you be half ripe, and that's the right virtue of the medlar. TOUCHSTONE You have said; but whether wisely or no, let the forest judge.
[Enter CELIA, with a writing]
ROSALIND Peace! Here comes my sister, reading: stand aside.
Why should this a desert be?
For it is unpeopled? No:
Tongues I'll hang on every tree,
That shall civil sayings show:
Some, how brief the life of man
Runs his erring pilgrimage,
That the stretching of a span
Buckles in his sum of age;
Some, of violated vows
'Twixt the souls of friend and friend:
But upon the fairest boughs,
Or at every sentence end,
Will I Rosalinda write,
Teaching all that read to know
The quintessence of every sprite
Heaven would in little show.
Therefore Heaven Nature charged
That one body should be fill'd
With all graces wide-enlarged:
Nature presently distill'd
Helen's cheek, but not her heart,
Cleopatra's majesty,
Atalanta's better part,
Sad Lucretia's modesty.
Thus Rosalind of many parts
By heavenly synod was devised,
Of many faces, eyes and hearts,
To have the touches dearest prized.
Heaven would that she these gifts should have, And I to live and die her slave.
ROSALIND O most gentle pulpiter! what tedious homily of love have you wearied your parishioners withal, and never cried 'Have patience, good people!'
TOUCHSTONE Come, shepherd, let us make an honourable retreat; though not with bag and baggage, yet with scrip and scrippage.
[Exeunt CORIN and TOUCHSTONE]
CELIA Didst thou hear these verses? ROSALIND O, yes, I heard them all, and more too; for some of them had in them more feet than the verses would bear. CELIA That's no matter: the feet might bear the verses. ROSALIND Ay, but the feet were lame and could not bear themselves without the verse and therefore stood lamely in the verse.
ROSALIND I was seven of the nine days out of the wonder before you came; for look here what I found on a palm-tree. I was never so be-rhymed since Pythagoras' time, that I was an Irish rat, which I can hardly remember. CELIA Trow you who hath done this? ROSALIND Is it a man?
ROSALIND I prithee, who?
ROSALIND Nay, but who is it? CELIA Is it possible? ROSALIND Nay, I prithee now with most petitionary vehemence, tell me who it is.
ROSALIND Good my complexion! dost thou think, though I am caparisoned like a man, I have a doublet and hose in my disposition? One inch of delay more is a South-sea of discovery; I prithee, tell me who is it quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst
stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man out of thy mouth, as wine comes out of a narrow- mouthed bottle, either too much at once, or none at all. I prithee, take the cork out of thy mouth that may drink thy tidings.
CELIA So you may put a man in your belly. ROSALIND Is he of God's making? What manner of man? Is his head worth a hat, or his chin worth a beard? CELIA Nay, he hath but a little beard. ROSALIND Why, God will send more, if the man will be thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.
ROSALIND Nay, but the devil take mocking: speak, sad brow and true maid. CELIA I' faith, coz, 'tis he. ROSALIND Orlando? CELIA Orlando. ROSALIND Alas the day! what shall I do with my doublet and hose? What did he when thou sawest him? What said he? How looked he? Wherein went he? What makes him here? Did he ask for me? Where remains he? How parted he with thee? and when shalt thou see
him again? Answer me in one word.
ROSALIND But doth he know that I am in this forest and in man's apparel? Looks he as freshly as he did the day he wrestled?
ROSALIND It may well be called Jove's tree, when it drops forth such fruit. CELIA Give me audience, good madam. ROSALIND Proceed. CELIA There lay he, stretched along, like a wounded knight. ROSALIND Though it be pity to see such a sight, it well becomes the ground.
ROSALIND O, ominous! he comes to kill my heart.
ROSALIND Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak. Sweet, say on.CELIA You bring me out. Soft! comes he not here?
[Enter ORLANDO and JAQUES]
ROSALIND 'Tis he: slink by, and note him.
[Exit JAQUES]
ROSALIND [Aside to CELIA] I will speak to him, like a saucy lackey and under that habit play the knave with him. Do you hear, forester?ORLANDO Very well: what would you?
ROSALIND I pray you, what is't o'clock?
ROSALIND Then there is no true lover in the forest; else sighing every minute and groaning every hour would detect the lazy foot of Time as well as a clock.
ROSALIND By no means, sir: Time travels in divers paces with divers persons. I'll tell you who Time ambles withal, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops withal and who he stands still withal.ORLANDO I prithee, who doth he trot withal?
ROSALIND Marry, he trots hard with a young maid between the contract of her marriage and the day it is solemnized: if the interim be but a se'nnight, Time's pace is so hard that it seems the length of seven year.ORLANDO Who ambles Time withal?
ROSALIND With a priest that lacks Latin and a rich man that hath not the gout, for the one sleeps easily because he cannot study, and the other lives merrily because he feels no pain, the one lacking the burden of lean and wasteful learning, the other knowing no burden
of heavy tedious penury; these Time ambles withal.
ROSALIND With a thief to the gallows, for though he go as softly as foot can fall, he thinks himself too soon there.ORLANDO Who stays it still withal?
ROSALIND With lawyers in the vacation, for they sleep between term and term and then they perceive not how Time moves.ORLANDO Where dwell you, pretty youth?
ROSALIND With this shepherdess, my sister; here in the skirts of the forest, like fringe upon a petticoat.ORLANDO Are you native of this place?
ROSALIND As the cony that you see dwell where she is kindled.
ROSALIND I have been told so of many: but indeed an old religious uncle of mine taught me to speak, who was in his youth an inland man; one that knew courtship too well, for there he fell in love. I have heard him read many lectures against it, and I thank God
I am not a woman, to be touched with so many giddy offences as he hath generally taxed their whole sex withal.
ROSALIND There were none principal; they were all like one another as half-pence are, every one fault seeming monstrous till his fellow fault came to match it.ORLANDO I prithee, recount some of them.
ROSALIND No, I will not cast away my physic but on those that are sick. There is a man haunts the forest, that abuses our young plants with carving 'Rosalind' on their barks; hangs odes upon hawthorns and elegies on brambles, all, forsooth, deifying the name of
Rosalind: if I could meet that fancy-monger I would give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the quotidian of love upon him.
ROSALIND There is none of my uncle's marks upon you: he taught me how to know a man in love; in which cage of rushes I am sure you are not prisoner.ORLANDO What were his marks?
ROSALIND A lean cheek, which you have not, a blue eye and sunken, which you have not, an unquestionable spirit, which you have not, a beard neglected, which you have not; but I pardon you for that, for simply your having in beard is a younger brother's
revenue: then your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe untied and every thing about you demonstrating a careless desolation; but you are no such man; you are rather point-device in your accoutrements as loving yourself than seeming the lover of any other.
ROSALIND Me believe it! you may as soon make her that you love believe it; which, I warrant, she is apter to do than to confess she does: that is one of the points in the which women still give the lie to their consciences. But, in good sooth, are you he
that hangs the verses on the trees, wherein Rosalind is so admired?
ROSALIND But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak? ORLANDO Neither rhyme nor reason can express how much. ROSALIND Love is merely a madness, and, I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and a whip as madmen do: and the reason why they are not so punished and cured is, that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers are in love too. Yet I profess curing it by counsel.ORLANDO Did you ever cure any so?
ROSALIND Yes, one, and in this manner. He was to imagine me his love, his mistress; and I set him every day to woo me: at which time would I, being but a moonish youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing and liking, proud, fantastical, apish, shallow,
inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles, for every passion something and for no passion truly any thing, as boys and women are for the most part cattle of this colour; would now like him, now loathe him; then entertain him, then forswear him; now weep for him, then spit at him; that I drave my suitor from his mad humour of love to a living humour of madness; which was, to forswear the full stream of the world, and to live in a nook merely monastic. And thus I cured him; and this way will I take upon me to wash your liver as clean as a sound sheep's heart, that there shall not be one spot of love in't.
ROSALIND I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind and come every day to my cote and woo me.
ROSALIND Go with me to it and I'll show it you and by the way you shall tell me where in the forest you live. Will you go?ORLANDO With all my heart, good youth.
ROSALIND Nay you must call me Rosalind. Come, sister, will you go?
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE III The forest.
[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY; JAQUES behind]
TOUCHSTONE Come apace, good Audrey: I will fetch up your goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey? am I the man yet? doth my simple feature content you?AUDREY Your features! Lord warrant us! what features!
TOUCHSTONE I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths.
TOUCHSTONE When a man's verses cannot be understood, nor a man's good wit seconded with the forward child Understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical.
TOUCHSTONE No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most feigning; and lovers are given to poetry, and what they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign.AUDREY Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical?
TOUCHSTONE I do, truly; for thou swearest to me thou art honest: now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some hope thou didst feign.AUDREY Would you not have me honest?
TOUCHSTONE No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favoured; for honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.JAQUES [Aside] A material fool!
make me honest.
TOUCHSTONE Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut were to put good meat into an unclean dish.AUDREY I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.
TOUCHSTONE Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness! sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may be, I will marry thee, and to that end I have been with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next village, who hath promised to meet me in this place
of the forest and to couple us.
TOUCHSTONE Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart, stagger in this attempt; for here we have no temple but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts. But what though? Courage! As horns are odious, they are necessary. It is said, 'many a man knows no end of
his goods:' right; many a man has good horns, and knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of his wife; 'tis none of his own getting. Horns? Even so. Poor men alone? No, no; the noblest deer hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the single man therefore blessed? No: as a walled town is more worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a married man more honourable than the bare brow of a bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to want. Here comes Sir Oliver.
[Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT]
Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met: will you dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go with you to your chapel?
SIR OLIVER MARTEXT Is there none here to give the woman? TOUCHSTONE I will not take her on gift of any man. SIR OLIVER MARTEXT Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful.
Proceed, proceed I'll give her. TOUCHSTONE Good even, good Master What-ye-call't: how do you, sir? You are very well met: God 'ild you for your last company: I am very glad to see you: even a toy in hand here, sir: nay, pray be covered.JAQUES Will you be married, motley?
TOUCHSTONE As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb and the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.
TOUCHSTONE [Aside] I am not in the mind but I were better to be married of him than of another: for he is not like to marry me well; and not being well married, it will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife.JAQUES Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.
TOUCHSTONE 'Come, sweet Audrey: We must be married, or we must live in bawdry. Farewell, good Master Oliver: not,-- O sweet Oliver, O brave Oliver,
Leave me not behind thee: but,--
Wind away,
Begone, I say,
I will not to wedding with thee.
[Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]
SIR OLIVER MARTEXT 'Tis no matter: ne'er a fantastical knave of them all shall flout me out of my calling.
[Exit]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE IV The forest.
[Enter ROSALIND and CELIA]
ROSALIND Never talk to me; I will weep.
ROSALIND But have I not cause to weep? CELIA As good cause as one would desire; therefore weep. ROSALIND His very hair is of the dissembling colour.
ROSALIND I' faith, his hair is of a good colour. CELIA An excellent colour: your chestnut was ever the only colour. ROSALIND And his kissing is as full of sanctity as the touch of holy bread.
ROSALIND But why did he swear he would come this morning, and comes not? CELIA Nay, certainly, there is no truth in him. ROSALIND Do you think so?
ROSALIND Not true in love? CELIA Yes, when he is in; but I think he is not in. ROSALIND You have heard him swear downright he was.
ROSALIND I met the duke yesterday and had much question with him: he asked me of what parentage I was; I told him, of as good as he; so he laughed and let me go. But what talk we of fathers, when there is such a man as Orlando?
[Enter CORIN]
ROSALIND O, come, let us remove: The sight of lovers feedeth those in love. Bring us to this sight, and you shall say I'll prove a busy actor in their play.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
[Enter SILVIUS and PHEBE]
[Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and CORIN, behind]
SILVIUS O dear Phebe, If ever,--as that ever may be near,-- You meet in some fresh cheek the power of fancy, Then shall you know the wounds invisible That love's keen arrows make.
ROSALIND And why, I pray you? Who might be your mother, That you insult, exult, and all at once, Over the wretched? What though you have no beauty,-- As, by my faith, I see no more in you Than without candle may go dark to bed--
Must you be therefore proud and pitiless?
Why, what means this? Why do you look on me? I see no more in you than in the ordinary
Of nature's sale-work. 'Od's my little life, I think she means to tangle my eyes too!
No, faith, proud mistress, hope not after it: 'Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair, Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream, That can entame my spirits to your worship. You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her, Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain? You are a thousand times a properer man
Than she a woman: 'tis such fools as you
That makes the world full of ill-favour'd children: 'Tis not her glass, but you, that flatters her; And out of you she sees herself more proper Than any of her lineaments can show her.
But, mistress, know yourself: down on your knees, And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man's love: For I must tell you friendly in your ear,
Sell when you can: you are not for all markets: Cry the man mercy; love him; take his offer: Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer. So take her to thee, shepherd: fare you well.
ROSALIND He's fallen in love with your foulness and she'll fall in love with my anger. If it be so, as fast as she answers thee with frowning looks, I'll sauce her with bitter words. Why look you so upon me? PHEBE For no ill will I bear you. ROSALIND I pray you, do not fall in love with me, For I am falser than vows made in wine: Besides, I like you not. If you will know my house, 'Tis at the tuft of olives here hard by. Will you go, sister? Shepherd, ply her hard.
Come, sister. Shepherdess, look on him better, And be not proud: though all the world could see, None could be so abused in sight as he.
Come, to our flock.
[Exeunt ROSALIND, CELIA and CORIN]
PHEBE Ha, what say'st thou, Silvius?
PHEBE Why, that were covetousness. Silvius, the time was that I hated thee, And yet it is not that I bear thee love; But since that thou canst talk of love so well, Thy company, which erst was irksome to me,
I will endure, and I'll employ thee too:
But do not look for further recompense
Than thine own gladness that thou art employ'd.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
[Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and JAQUES]
ROSALIND They say you are a melancholy fellow. JAQUES I am so; I do love it better than laughing. ROSALIND Those that are in extremity of either are abominable fellows and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than drunkards.JAQUES Why, 'tis good to be sad and say nothing.
ROSALIND Why then, 'tis good to be a post.
ROSALIND A traveller! By my faith, you have great reason to be sad: I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men's; then, to have seen much and to have nothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands.JAQUES Yes, I have gained my experience.
ROSALIND And your experience makes you sad: I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad; and to travel for it too!
[Enter ORLANDO]
[Exit]
ROSALIND Farewell, Monsieur Traveller: look you lisp and wear strange suits, disable all the benefits of your own country, be out of love with your nativity and almost chide God for making you that countenance you are, or I will scarce think you have swam in a
gondola. Why, how now, Orlando! where have you been all this while? You a lover! An you serve me such another trick, never come in my sight more.
ROSALIND Break an hour's promise in love! He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but a part of the thousandth part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him o' the shoulder, but I'll warrant
him heart-whole.
ROSALIND Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight: I had as lief be wooed of a snail.ORLANDO Of a snail?
ROSALIND Ay, of a snail; for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head; a better jointure, I think, than you make a woman: besides he brings his destiny with him.ORLANDO What's that?
ROSALIND Why, horns, which such as you are fain to be beholding to your wives for: but he comes armed in his fortune and prevents the slander of his wife.ORLANDO Virtue is no horn-maker; and my Rosalind is virtuous.
ROSALIND And I am your Rosalind.
ROSALIND Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humour and like enough to consent. What would you say to me now, an I were your very very Rosalind?ORLANDO I would kiss before I spoke.
ROSALIND Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were gravelled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they are out, they will spit; and for lovers lacking--God warn us!--matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss.ORLANDO How if the kiss be denied?
ROSALIND Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter. ORLANDO Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress? ROSALIND Marry, that should you, if I were your mistress, or I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.ORLANDO What, of my suit?
ROSALIND Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit. Am not I your Rosalind?
ROSALIND Well in her person I say I will not have you. ORLANDO Then in mine own person I die. ROSALIND No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died in his own person, videlicit, in a love-cause. Troilus had his brains dashed out with a Grecian club; yet he did what he
could to die before, and he is one of the patterns of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair year, though Hero had turned nun, if it had not been for a hot midsummer night; for, good youth, he went but forth to wash him in the Hellespont and being taken with the cramp was drowned and the foolish coroners of that age found it was 'Hero of Sestos.' But these are all lies: men have died from time to time and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
ROSALIND By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come, now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition, and ask me what you will. I will grant it.ORLANDO Then love me, Rosalind.
ROSALIND Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and all. ORLANDO And wilt thou have me? ROSALIND Ay, and twenty such. ORLANDO What sayest thou? ROSALIND Are you not good? ORLANDO I hope so. ROSALIND Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing? Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us. Give me your hand, Orlando. What do you say, sister?ORLANDO Pray thee, marry us.
CELIA I cannot say the words. ROSALIND You must begin, 'Will you, Orlando--'
ROSALIND Ay, but when? ORLANDO Why now; as fast as she can marry us. ROSALIND Then you must say 'I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.' ORLANDO I take thee, Rosalind, for wife. ROSALIND I might ask you for your commission; but I do take thee, Orlando, for my husband: there's a girl goes before the priest; and certainly a woman's thought runs before her actions.ORLANDO So do all thoughts; they are winged.
ROSALIND Now tell me how long you would have her after you have possessed her.ORLANDO For ever and a day.
ROSALIND Say 'a day,' without the 'ever.' No, no, Orlando; men are April when they woo, December when they wed: maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous of thee than a Barbary cock-pigeon over his hen,
more clamorous than a parrot against rain, more new-fangled than an ape, more giddy in my desires than a monkey: I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry; I will laugh like a hyen, and that when thou art inclined to sleep.
ROSALIND By my life, she will do as I do. ORLANDO O, but she is wise. ROSALIND Or else she could not have the wit to do this: the wiser, the waywarder: make the doors upon a woman's wit and it will out at the casement; shut that and 'twill out at the key-hole; stop that, 'twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney.
ROSALIND Nay, you might keep that cheque for it till you met your wife's wit going to your neighbour's bed.ORLANDO And what wit could wit have to excuse that?
ROSALIND Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never take her without her answer, unless you take her without her tongue. O, that woman that cannot make her fault her husband's occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed
it like a fool!
ROSALIND Alas! dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.
ROSALIND Ay, go your ways, go your ways; I knew what you would prove: my friends told me as much, and I thought no less: that flattering tongue of yours won me: 'tis but one cast away, and so, come, death! Two o'clock is your hour?ORLANDO Ay, sweet Rosalind.
ROSALIND By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot of your promise or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most pathetical break-promise and the most hollow lover
and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind that may be chosen out of the gross band of the
unfaithful: therefore beware my censure and keep your promise.
ROSALIND Well, Time is the old justice that examines all such offenders, and let Time try: adieu.
[Exit ORLANDO]
ROSALIND O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how many fathom deep I am in love! But it cannot be sounded: my affection hath an unknown bottom, like the bay of Portugal.
ROSALIND No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot of thought, conceived of spleen and born of madness, that blind rascally boy that abuses every one's eyes because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I am in love. I'll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out
of the sight of Orlando: I'll go find a shadow and sigh till he come.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE II The forest.
[Enter JAQUES, Lords, and Foresters]
Forester Yes, sir.
SONG. Forester What shall he have that kill'd the deer? His leather skin and horns to wear. Then sing him home;
[The rest shall bear this burden]
Take thou no scorn to wear the horn;
It was a crest ere thou wast born:
Thy father's father wore it,
And thy father bore it:
The horn, the horn, the lusty horn
Is not a thing to laugh to scorn.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE III The forest.
[Enter ROSALIND and CELIA]
ROSALIND How say you now? Is it not past two o'clock? and here much Orlando!
[Enter SILVIUS]
ROSALIND Patience herself would startle at this letter And play the swaggerer; bear this, bear all: She says I am not fair, that I lack manners; She calls me proud, and that she could not love me, Were man as rare as phoenix. 'Od's my will!
Her love is not the hare that I do hunt:
Why writes she so to me? Well, shepherd, well, This is a letter of your own device.
ROSALIND Come, come, you are a fool And turn'd into the extremity of love. I saw her hand: she has a leathern hand. A freestone-colour'd hand; I verily did think That her old gloves were on, but 'twas her hands:
She has a huswife's hand; but that's no matter: I say she never did invent this letter;
This is a man's invention and his hand.
ROSALIND Why, 'tis a boisterous and a cruel style. A style for-challengers; why, she defies me, Like Turk to Christian: women's gentle brain Could not drop forth such giant-rude invention Such Ethiope words, blacker in their effect
Than in their countenance. Will you hear the letter?
ROSALIND She Phebes me: mark how the tyrant writes.
[Reads]
Art thou god to shepherd turn'd,
That a maiden's heart hath burn'd?
Can a woman rail thus?
ROSALIND [Reads]
Why, thy godhead laid apart,
Warr'st thou with a woman's heart?
Did you ever hear such railing?
Whiles the eye of man did woo me,
That could do no vengeance to me.
Meaning me a beast.
If the scorn of your bright eyne
Have power to raise such love in mine,
Alack, in me what strange effect
Would they work in mild aspect!
Whiles you chid me, I did love;
How then might your prayers move!
He that brings this love to thee
Little knows this love in me:
And by him seal up thy mind;
Whether that thy youth and kind
Will the faithful offer take
Of me and all that I can make;
Or else by him my love deny,
And then I'll study how to die.
CELIA Alas, poor shepherd! ROSALIND Do you pity him? no, he deserves no pity. Wilt thou love such a woman? What, to make thee an instrument and play false strains upon thee! not to be endured! Well, go your way to her, for I see love hath made thee a tame snake, and say this to
her: that if she love me, I charge her to love thee; if she will not, I will never have her unless thou entreat for her. If you be a true lover, hence, and not a word; for here comes more company.
[Exit SILVIUS]
[Enter OLIVER]
ROSALIND I am: what must we understand by this?
ROSALIND But, to Orlando: did he leave him there, Food to the suck'd and hungry lioness?
CELIA Are you his brother? ROSALIND Wast you he rescued?
ROSALIND But, for the bloody napkin?
[ROSALIND swoons]
ROSALIND I would I were at home.
ROSALIND I do so, I confess it. Ah, sirrah, a body would think this was well counterfeited! I pray you, tell your brother how well I counterfeited. Heigh-ho!
ROSALIND Counterfeit, I assure you. OLIVER Well then, take a good heart and counterfeit to be a man. ROSALIND So I do: but, i' faith, I should have been a woman by right.
ROSALIND I shall devise something: but, I pray you, commend my counterfeiting to him. Will you go?
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]
TOUCHSTONE We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.
TOUCHSTONE A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile Martext. But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the forest lays claim to you.
TOUCHSTONE It is meat and drink to me to see a clown: by my troth, we that have good wits have much to answer for; we shall be flouting; we cannot hold.
[Enter WILLIAM]
TOUCHSTONE Good even, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy head; nay, prithee, be covered. How old are you, friend?WILLIAM Five and twenty, sir.
TOUCHSTONE A ripe age. Is thy name William? WILLIAM William, sir. TOUCHSTONE A fair name. Wast born i' the forest here? WILLIAM Ay, sir, I thank God. TOUCHSTONE 'Thank God;' a good answer. Art rich? WILLIAM Faith, sir, so so. TOUCHSTONE 'So so' is good, very good, very excellent good; and yet it is not; it is but so so. Art thou wise?WILLIAM Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.
TOUCHSTONE Why, thou sayest well. I do now remember a saying, 'The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.' The heathen philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth;
meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and lips to open. You do love this maid?
TOUCHSTONE Give me your hand. Art thou learned? WILLIAM No, sir. TOUCHSTONE Then learn this of me: to have, is to have; for it is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the other; for all your writers do consent that ipse is he: now, you are not ipse, for I am he.WILLIAM Which he, sir?
TOUCHSTONE He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown, abandon,--which is in the vulgar leave,--the society,--which in the boorish is company,--of this female,--which in the common is woman; which together is, abandon the society of this female, or,
clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better
understanding, diest; or, to wit I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o'errun thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways: therefore tremble and depart.
[Exit]
[Enter CORIN]
CORIN Our master and mistress seeks you; come, away, away! TOUCHSTONE Trip, Audrey! trip, Audrey! I attend, I attend.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE II The forest.
[Enter ORLANDO and OLIVER]
[Enter ROSALIND]
ROSALIND God save you, brother.
[Exit]
ROSALIND O, my dear Orlando, how it grieves me to see thee wear thy heart in a scarf!ORLANDO It is my arm.
ROSALIND I thought thy heart had been wounded with the claws of a lion.ORLANDO Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a lady.
ROSALIND Did your brother tell you how I counterfeited to swoon when he showed me your handkerchief?ORLANDO Ay, and greater wonders than that.
ROSALIND O, I know where you are: nay, 'tis true: there was never any thing so sudden but the fight of two rams and Caesar's thrasonical brag of 'I came, saw, and overcame:' for your brother and my sister no sooner met but they looked, no sooner looked but they
loved, no sooner loved but they sighed, no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason, no sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy; and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage which they will climb incontinent, or else be incontinent before marriage: they are in the very wrath of love and they will together; clubs cannot part them.
ROSALIND Why then, to-morrow I cannot serve your turn for Rosalind? ORLANDO I can live no longer by thinking. ROSALIND I will weary you then no longer with idle talking. Know of me then, for now I speak to some purpose, that I know you are a gentleman of good conceit: I speak not this that you should bear a good opinion of my knowledge, insomuch I say I know you are;
neither do I labour for a greater esteem than may in some little measure draw a belief from you, to do yourself good and not to grace me. Believe then, if you please, that I can do strange things: I have, since I was three year old, conversed with a magician, most profound in his art and yet not damnable. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart as your gesture cries it out, when your brother marries Aliena, shall you marry her: I know into what straits of fortune she is driven; and it is not impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient to you, to set her before your eyes tomorrow human as she is and without any danger.
ROSALIND By my life, I do; which I tender dearly, though I say I am a magician. Therefore, put you in your best array: bid your friends; for if you will be married to-morrow, you shall, and to Rosalind, if you will.
[Enter SILVIUS and PHEBE]
Look, here comes a lover of mine and a lover of hers.
ROSALIND I care not if I have: it is my study To seem despiteful and ungentle to you: You are there followed by a faithful shepherd; Look upon him, love him; he worships you.PHEBE Good shepherd, tell this youth what 'tis to love.
ROSALIND And I for no woman.
ROSALIND And I for no woman.
ROSALIND And so am I for no woman.
ROSALIND Who do you speak to, 'Why blame you me to love you?' ORLANDO To her that is not here, nor doth not hear. ROSALIND Pray you, no more of this; 'tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon.
[To SILVIUS]
I will help you, if I can:
[To PHEBE]
I would love you, if I could. To-morrow meet me all together.
[To PHEBE]
I will marry you, if ever I marry woman, and I'll be married to-morrow:
[To ORLANDO]
I will satisfy you, if ever I satisfied man, and you shall be married to-morrow:
[To SILVIUS]
I will content you, if what pleases you contents you, and you shall be married to-morrow.
[To ORLANDO]
As you love Rosalind, meet:
[To SILVIUS]
as you love Phebe, meet: and as I love no woman, I'll meet. So fare you well: I have left you commands.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE III The forest.
[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]
TOUCHSTONE To-morrow is the joyful day, Audrey; to-morrow will we be married.
[Enter two Pages]
First Page Well met, honest gentleman. TOUCHSTONE By my troth, well met. Come, sit, sit, and a song. Second Page We are for you: sit i' the middle. First Page Shall we clap into't roundly, without hawking or spitting or saying we are hoarse, which are the only prologues to a bad voice?Second Page I'faith, i'faith; and both in a tune, like two
gipsies on a horse.
SONG.
It was a lover and his lass,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
That o'er the green corn-field did pass
In the spring time, the only pretty ring time, When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding:
Sweet lovers love the spring.
Between the acres of the rye,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino
These pretty country folks would lie,
In spring time, &c.
This carol they began that hour,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
How that a life was but a flower
In spring time, &c.
And therefore take the present time,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino;
For love is crowned with the prime
In spring time, &c.
TOUCHSTONE Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no great matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untuneable. First Page You are deceived, sir: we kept time, we lost not our time. TOUCHSTONE By my troth, yes; I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. God be wi' you; and God mend your voices! Come, Audrey.
[Exeunt]
AS YOU LIKE IT
SCENE IV The forest.
[Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA]
Can do all this that he hath promised?
[Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE]
ROSALIND Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged: You say, if I bring in your Rosalind, You will bestow her on Orlando here? DUKE SENIOR That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her. ROSALIND And you say, you will have her, when I bring her? ORLANDO That would I, were I of all kingdoms king. ROSALIND You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing? PHEBE That will I, should I die the hour after. ROSALIND But if you do refuse to marry me, You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd? PHEBE So is the bargain. ROSALIND You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will? SILVIUS Though to have her and death were both one thing. ROSALIND I have promised to make all this matter even. Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter; You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter: Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me, Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd:
Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her. If she refuse me: and from hence I go,
To make these doubts all even.
[Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA]
Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.
[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY]
TOUCHSTONE Salutation and greeting to you all!
TOUCHSTONE If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.JAQUES And how was that ta'en up?
TOUCHSTONE Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.JAQUES How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.
DUKE SENIOR I like him very well. TOUCHSTONE God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear and to forswear: according as marriage binds and blood breaks: a poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor
humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.
DUKE SENIOR By my faith, he is very swift and sententious. TOUCHSTONE According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.
TOUCHSTONE Upon a lie seven times removed:--bear your body more seeming, Audrey:--as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous.
If I sent him word again 'it was not well cut,' he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: this is called the Quip Modest. If again 'it was not well cut,' he disabled my judgment: this is called the Reply Churlish. If again 'it was not well cut,' he would answer, I spake not true: this is called the Reproof Valiant. If again 'it was not well cut,' he would say I lied: this is called the Counter-cheque Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.
TOUCHSTONE I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measured swords and parted.JAQUES Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
TOUCHSTONE O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the
Countercheque Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, 'If you said so, then I said so;' and they shook hands and swore brothers. Your If is the only peacemaker; much virtue in If.
the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
[Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA]
[Still Music]
HYMEN Then is there mirth in heaven, When earthly things made even Atone together. Good duke, receive thy daughter Hymen from heaven brought her,
Yea, brought her hither,
That thou mightst join her hand with his
Whose heart within his bosom is.
ROSALIND [To DUKE SENIOR] To you I give myself, for I am yours.
[To ORLANDO]
To you I give myself, for I am yours.
ROSALIND I'll have no father, if you be not he: I'll have no husband, if you be not he: Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she. HYMEN Peace, ho! I bar confusion: 'Tis I must make conclusion Of these most strange events: Here's eight that must take hands To join in Hymen's bands,
If truth holds true contents.
You and you no cross shall part:
You and you are heart in heart
You to his love must accord,
Or have a woman to your lord:
You and you are sure together,
As the winter to foul weather.
Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
Feed yourselves with questioning;
That reason wonder may diminish,
How thus we met, and these things finish.
SONG.
Wedding is great Juno's crown:
O blessed bond of board and bed!
'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
High wedlock then be honoured:
Honour, high honour and renown,
To Hymen, god of every town!
Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.
[Enter JAQUES DE BOYS]
I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
That bring these tidings to this fair assembly. Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
Men of great worth resorted to this forest, Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot, In his own conduct, purposely to take
His brother here and put him to the sword:
And to the skirts of this wild wood he came; Where meeting with an old religious man,
After some question with him, was converted Both from his enterprise and from the world, His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother, And all their lands restored to them again
That were with him exiled. This to be true, I do engage my life.
Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding: To one his lands withheld, and to the other A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
First, in this forest, let us do those ends That here were well begun and well begot:
And after, every of this happy number
That have endured shrewd days and nights with us Shall share the good of our returned fortune, According to the measure of their states.
Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity
And fall into our rustic revelry.
Play, music! And you, brides and bridegrooms all, With measure heap'd in joy, to the measures fall.
[To DUKE SENIOR]
You to your former honour I bequeath;
Your patience and your virtue well deserves it:
[To ORLANDO]
You to a love that your true faith doth merit:
[To OLIVER]
You to your land and love and great allies:
[To SILVIUS]
You to a long and well-deserved bed:
[To TOUCHSTONE]
And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage Is but for two months victuall'd. So, to your pleasures: I am for other than for dancing measures.
[Exit]
As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.
[A dance]
AS YOU LIKE IT
EPILOGUE
ROSALIND It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue; but it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it be true that good wine needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play needs no epilogue; yet to good wine they do use good bushes,
and good plays prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am neither a good epilogue nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play! I am not
furnished like a beggar, therefore to beg will not become me: my way is to conjure you; and I'll begin with the women. I charge you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of this play as please you: and I charge you, O men, for the love you bear to women--as I perceive by your simpering, none of you hates them--that between you and the women the play may please. If I were a woman I would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased me, complexions that liked me and breaths that I defied not: and, I am sure, as many as have good beards or good faces or sweet breaths will, for my kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.
[Exeunt]