ENTER THE U.S. POLITICS ONLINE DISCUSSION FORUM
Note: The text below is in the public domain. This text is offered to the general public for non-profit educational purposes. U.S. Politics Online does not own any copyrights pertaining to the text. Any copyrights that may exist as to the format, translation, etc., resides with the respective author/formatter, not U.S. Politics Online. U.S. Politics Online did convert the original text file into html. Any errors with respect to formatting is a result of a program used to automate the process.
Due to the requirements for redistribution of this text by some of the sources, the original source from which I obtained the text at times will not be disclosed. If you would like information with respect to where I obtained the text then please send me an e-mail: archives@uspoliticsonline.com. Such sources are not liable in any way for the text here. I would simply provide you with information where you can find the original text of the document, which may or may not be identical to what you see here. I have made every attempt to comply with the wishes of the sources of these documents. If an error is found with respect to such compliance then please bring it to my attention immediately so the matter can be resolved.
Also, if you are the person responsible for converting the text to the electronic format and would like credit for your work in the document, please e-mail me and I would be more than happy to comply. Due to my conversion of these text documents into the html format and the possibility for errors to occur in said conversion, I did not want to inadvertently attribute such errors to you.
LOVE'S LABOUR'S LOST
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
FERDINAND king of Navarre.
LONGAVILLE | lords attending on the King.
|
DUMAIN |
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO a fantastical Spaniard. SIR NATHANIEL a curate. HOLOFERNES a schoolmaster.
A Forester.
The PRINCESS of France: (PRINCESS:)
ROSALINE |
|
MARIA | ladies attending on the Princess.
|
KATHARINE |
JAQUENETTA a country wench.
Lords, Attendants, &c.
(First Lord:)
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
[Enter FERDINAND king of Navarre, BIRON, LONGAVILLE and DUMAIN]
FERDINAND Let fame, that all hunt after in their lives,
Live register'd upon our brazen tombs
And then grace us in the disgrace of death;
When, spite of cormorant devouring Time,
The endeavor of this present breath may buy
That honour which shall bate his scythe's keen edge And make us heirs of all eternity.
Therefore, brave conquerors,--for so you are,
That war against your own affections
And the huge army of the world's desires,--
Our late edict shall strongly stand in force:
Navarre shall be the wonder of the world;
Our court shall be a little Academe,
Still and contemplative in living art.
You three, Biron, Dumain, and Longaville,
Have sworn for three years' term to live with me My fellow-scholars, and to keep those statutes That are recorded in this schedule here:
Your oaths are pass'd; and now subscribe your names, That his own hand may strike his honour down
That violates the smallest branch herein:
If you are arm'd to do as sworn to do,
Subscribe to your deep oaths, and keep it too.
LONGAVILLE I am resolved; 'tis but a three years' fast:
The mind shall banquet, though the body pine:
Fat paunches have lean pates, and dainty bits
Make rich the ribs, but bankrupt quite the wits.
FERDINAND Your oath is pass'd to pass away from these.
LONGAVILLE You swore to that, Biron, and to the rest.
FERDINAND Why, that to know, which else we should not know. BIRON Things hid and barr'd, you mean, from common sense? FERDINAND Ay, that is study's godlike recompense.
FERDINAND These be the stops that hinder study quite
And train our intellects to vain delight.
FERDINAND How well he's read, to reason against reading! DUMAIN Proceeded well, to stop all good proceeding! LONGAVILLE He weeds the corn and still lets grow the weeding.
BIRON Fit in his place and time.
DUMAIN In reason nothing.
BIRON Something then in rhyme.
FERDINAND Biron is like an envious sneaping frost,
That bites the first-born infants of the spring.
FERDINAND Well, sit you out: go home, Biron: adieu.
FERDINAND How well this yielding rescues thee from shame!
LONGAVILLE Four days ago.
[Reads]
'On pain of losing her tongue.' Who devised this penalty?
LONGAVILLE Marry, that did I. BIRON Sweet lord, and why? LONGAVILLE To fright them hence with that dread penalty.
[Reads]
'Item, If any man be seen to talk with a woman within the term of three years, he shall endure such public shame as the rest of the court can possibly devise.' This article, my liege, yourself must break;
For well you know here comes in embassy
The French king's daughter with yourself to speak-- A maid of grace and complete majesty--
About surrender up of Aquitaine
To her decrepit, sick and bedrid father:
Therefore this article is made in vain,
Or vainly comes the admired princess hither.
FERDINAND What say you, lords? Why, this was quite forgot.
FERDINAND We must of force dispense with this decree;
She must lie here on mere necessity.
[Subscribes]
And he that breaks them in the least degree
Stands in attainder of eternal shame:
Suggestions are to other as to me;
But I believe, although I seem so loath,
I am the last that will last keep his oath.
But is there no quick recreation granted?
FERDINAND Ay, that there is. Our court, you know, is haunted
With a refined traveller of Spain;
A man in all the world's new fashion planted,
That hath a mint of phrases in his brain;
One whom the music of his own vain tongue
Doth ravish like enchanting harmony;
A man of complements, whom right and wrong
Have chose as umpire of their mutiny:
This child of fancy, that Armado hight,
For interim to our studies shall relate
In high-born words the worth of many a knight
From tawny Spain lost in the world's debate.
How you delight, my lords, I know not, I;
But, I protest, I love to hear him lie
And I will use him for my minstrelsy.
LONGAVILLE Costard the swain and he shall be our sport;
And so to study, three years is but short.
[Enter DULL with a letter, and COSTARD]
FERDINAND A letter from the magnificent Armado.
BIRON How low soever the matter, I hope in God for high words.
LONGAVILLE A high hope for a low heaven: God grant us patience!
BIRON To hear? or forbear laughing?
LONGAVILLE To hear meekly, sir, and to laugh moderately; or to
forbear both.
FERDINAND Will you hear this letter with attention?
FERDINAND [Reads] 'Great deputy, the welkin's vicegerent and
sole dominator of Navarre, my soul's earth's god,
and body's fostering patron.'
COSTARD Not a word of Costard yet.
FERDINAND [Reads] 'So it is,'--
FERDINAND Peace!
COSTARD Be to me and every man that dares not fight!
FERDINAND No words!
COSTARD Of other men's secrets, I beseech you.
FERDINAND [Reads] 'So it is, besieged with sable-coloured
melancholy, I did commend the black-oppressing humour
to the most wholesome physic of thy health-giving
air; and, as I am a gentleman, betook myself to
walk. The time when. About the sixth hour; when
beasts most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that nourishment which is called supper: so much for the time when. Now for the ground which; which, I mean, I walked upon: it is y-cleped thy park. Then for the place where; where, I mean, I did encounter that obscene and preposterous event, that draweth from my snow-white pen the ebon-coloured ink, which here thou viewest, beholdest, surveyest, or seest; but to the place where; it standeth north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy curious- knotted garden: there did I see that low-spirited swain, that base minnow of thy mirth,'--
FERDINAND [Reads] 'that unlettered small-knowing soul,'--
COSTARD Me?
FERDINAND [Reads] 'that shallow vassal,'--
COSTARD Still me?
FERDINAND [Reads] 'which, as I remember, hight Costard,'--
COSTARD O, me!
FERDINAND [Reads] 'sorted and consorted, contrary to thy
established proclaimed edict and continent canon,
which with,--O, with--but with this I passion to say
wherewith,--
COSTARD With a wench.
FERDINAND [Reads] 'with a child of our grandmother Eve, a
female; or, for thy more sweet understanding, a
woman. Him I, as my ever-esteemed duty pricks me on,
have sent to thee, to receive the meed of
punishment, by thy sweet grace's officer, Anthony
Dull; a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.'
DULL 'Me, an't shall please you; I am Anthony Dull.
FERDINAND [Reads] 'For Jaquenetta,--so is the weaker vessel
called which I apprehended with the aforesaid
swain,--I keep her as a vessel of the law's fury;
and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice, bring
her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted
and heart-burning heat of duty.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'
FERDINAND Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say
you to this?
COSTARD Sir, I confess the wench.
FERDINAND Did you hear the proclamation?
FERDINAND It was proclaimed a year's imprisonment, to be taken
with a wench.
COSTARD I was taken with none, sir: I was taken with a damsel.
FERDINAND Well, it was proclaimed 'damsel.'
COSTARD This was no damsel, neither, sir; she was a virgin.
FERDINAND It is so varied, too; for it was proclaimed 'virgin.'
COSTARD If it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken with a maid.
FERDINAND This maid will not serve your turn, sir.
COSTARD This maid will serve my turn, sir.
FERDINAND Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast
a week with bran and water.
COSTARD I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.
FERDINAND And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
My Lord Biron, see him deliver'd o'er:
And go we, lords, to put in practise that
Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.
[Exeunt FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN]
[Exeunt]
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
SCENE II The same.
[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH]
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit
grows melancholy?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my
tender juvenal?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Why tough senior? why tough senior?
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton
appertaining to thy young days, which we may
nominate tender.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Thou pretty, because little.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO And therefore apt, because quick.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO In thy condign praise.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO What, that an eel is ingenious?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I love not to be crossed.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I have promised to study three years with the duke.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Impossible.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO I confess both: they are both the varnish of a
complete man.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO It doth amount to one more than two.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO True.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO A most fine figure!
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO I will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is
base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a
base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour
of affection would deliver me from the reprobate
thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and
ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should outswear Cupid. Comfort, me, boy: what great men have been in love?
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name
more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good
repute and carriage.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do
excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in
carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson's
love, my dear Moth?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Of what complexion?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Tell me precisely of what complexion.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Is that one of the four complexions?
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Green indeed is the colour of lovers; but to have a
love of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason
for it. He surely affected her for her wit.
MOTH It was so, sir; for she had a green wit.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO My love is most immaculate white and red.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Define, define, well-educated infant.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty and
pathetical!
MOTH If she be made of white and red,
Her faults will ne'er be known,
For blushing cheeks by faults are bred
And fears by pale white shown:
Then if she fear, or be to blame,
By this you shall not know,
For still her cheeks possess the same
Which native she doth owe.
A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and red.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO I will have that subject newly writ o'er, that I may
example my digression by some mighty precedent.
Boy, I do love that country girl that I took in the
park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I say, sing.
[Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA]
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I do betray myself with blushing. Maid! JAQUENETTA Man? DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I will visit thee at the lodge. JAQUENETTA That's hereby. DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I know where it is situate. JAQUENETTA Lord, how wise you are! DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I will tell thee wonders. JAQUENETTA With that face? DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I love thee. JAQUENETTA So I heard you say. DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO And so, farewell. JAQUENETTA Fair weather after you!
[Exeunt DULL and JAQUENETTA]
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou
be pardoned.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Thou shalt be heavily punished.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Take away this villain; shut him up.
[Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD]
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO I do affect the very ground, which is base, where
her shoe, which is baser, guided by her foot, which
is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which
is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And
how can that be true love which is falsely
attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil: there is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit. Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club; and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier. The first and second cause will not serve my turn; the passado he respects not, the duello he regards not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust rapier! be still, drum! for your manager is in love; yea, he loveth. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.
[Exit]
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
[Enter the PRINCESS of France, ROSALINE, MARIA, KATHARINE, BOYET, Lords, and other Attendants]
PRINCESS Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean,
Needs not the painted flourish of your praise:
Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye,
Not utter'd by base sale of chapmen's tongues:
I am less proud to hear you tell my worth
Than you much willing to be counted wise
In spending your wit in the praise of mine.
But now to task the tasker: good Boyet,
You are not ignorant, all-telling fame
Doth noise abroad, Navarre hath made a vow,
Till painful study shall outwear three years,
No woman may approach his silent court:
Therefore to's seemeth it a needful course,
Before we enter his forbidden gates,
To know his pleasure; and in that behalf,
Bold of your worthiness, we single you
As our best-moving fair solicitor.
Tell him, the daughter of the King of France,
On serious business, craving quick dispatch,
Importunes personal conference with his grace: Haste, signify so much; while we attend,
Like humble-visaged suitors, his high will.
BOYET Proud of employment, willingly I go. PRINCESS All pride is willing pride, and yours is so.
[Exit BOYET]
Who are the votaries, my loving lords,
That are vow-fellows with this virtuous duke?
First Lord Lord Longaville is one. PRINCESS Know you the man?
PRINCESS Some merry mocking lord, belike; is't so?
MARIA They say so most that most his humours know.
PRINCESS Such short-lived wits do wither as they grow.
Who are the rest?
KATHARINE The young Dumain, a well-accomplished youth,
Of all that virtue love for virtue loved:
Most power to do most harm, least knowing ill;
For he hath wit to make an ill shape good,
And shape to win grace though he had no wit.
I saw him at the Duke Alencon's once;
And much too little of that good I saw
Is my report to his great worthiness.
ROSALINE Another of these students at that time
Was there with him, if I have heard a truth.
Biron they call him; but a merrier man,
Within the limit of becoming mirth,
I never spent an hour's talk withal:
His eye begets occasion for his wit;
For every object that the one doth catch
The other turns to a mirth-moving jest,
Which his fair tongue, conceit's expositor,
Delivers in such apt and gracious words
That aged ears play truant at his tales
And younger hearings are quite ravished;
So sweet and voluble is his discourse.
PRINCESS God bless my ladies! are they all in love,
That every one her own hath garnished
With such bedecking ornaments of praise?
First Lord Here comes Boyet.
[Re-enter BOYET]
PRINCESS Now, what admittance, lord?
[Enter FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, DUMAIN, BIRON, and Attendants]
FERDINAND Fair princess, welcome to the court of Navarre.
PRINCESS 'Fair' I give you back again; and 'welcome' I have
not yet: the roof of this court is too high to be
yours; and welcome to the wide fields too base to be mine.
FERDINAND You shall be welcome, madam, to my court.
PRINCESS I will be welcome, then: conduct me thither.
FERDINAND Hear me, dear lady; I have sworn an oath.
PRINCESS Our Lady help my lord! he'll be forsworn.
FERDINAND Not for the world, fair madam, by my will.
PRINCESS Why, will shall break it; will and nothing else.
FERDINAND Your ladyship is ignorant what it is.
PRINCESS Were my lord so, his ignorance were wise,
Where now his knowledge must prove ignorance.
I hear your grace hath sworn out house-keeping:
Tis deadly sin to keep that oath, my lord,
And sin to break it.
But pardon me. I am too sudden-bold:
To teach a teacher ill beseemeth me.
Vouchsafe to read the purpose of my coming,
And suddenly resolve me in my suit.
FERDINAND Madam, I will, if suddenly I may.
PRINCESS You will the sooner, that I were away;
For you'll prove perjured if you make me stay.
BIRON Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
ROSALINE Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
BIRON I know you did.
ROSALINE How needless was it then to ask the question!
BIRON You must not be so quick.
ROSALINE 'Tis 'long of you that spur me with such questions.
BIRON Your wit's too hot, it speeds too fast, 'twill tire.
ROSALINE Not till it leave the rider in the mire.
BIRON What time o' day?
ROSALINE The hour that fools should ask.
BIRON Now fair befall your mask!
ROSALINE Fair fall the face it covers!
BIRON And send you many lovers!
ROSALINE Amen, so you be none.
BIRON Nay, then will I be gone.
FERDINAND Madam, your father here doth intimate
The payment of a hundred thousand crowns;
Being but the one half of an entire sum
Disbursed by my father in his wars.
But say that he or we, as neither have,
Received that sum, yet there remains unpaid
A hundred thousand more; in surety of the which, One part of Aquitaine is bound to us,
Although not valued to the money's worth.
If then the king your father will restore
But that one half which is unsatisfied,
We will give up our right in Aquitaine,
And hold fair friendship with his majesty.
But that, it seems, he little purposeth,
For here he doth demand to have repaid
A hundred thousand crowns; and not demands,
On payment of a hundred thousand crowns,
To have his title live in Aquitaine;
Which we much rather had depart withal
And have the money by our father lent
Than Aquitaine so gelded as it is.
Dear Princess, were not his requests so far
From reason's yielding, your fair self should make A yielding 'gainst some reason in my breast
And go well satisfied to France again.
PRINCESS You do the king my father too much wrong
And wrong the reputation of your name,
In so unseeming to confess receipt
Of that which hath so faithfully been paid.
FERDINAND I do protest I never heard of it;
And if you prove it, I'll repay it back
Or yield up Aquitaine.
PRINCESS We arrest your word.
Boyet, you can produce acquittances
For such a sum from special officers
Of Charles his father.
FERDINAND Satisfy me so.
FERDINAND It shall suffice me: at which interview
All liberal reason I will yield unto.
Meantime receive such welcome at my hand
As honour without breach of honour may
Make tender of to thy true worthiness:
You may not come, fair princess, in my gates;
But here without you shall be so received
As you shall deem yourself lodged in my heart, Though so denied fair harbour in my house.
Your own good thoughts excuse me, and farewell: To-morrow shall we visit you again.
PRINCESS Sweet health and fair desires consort your grace! FERDINAND Thy own wish wish I thee in every place!
[Exit]
BIRON Lady, I will commend you to mine own heart. ROSALINE Pray you, do my commendations; I would be glad to see it. BIRON I would you heard it groan. ROSALINE Is the fool sick? BIRON Sick at the heart. ROSALINE Alack, let it blood. BIRON Would that do it good? ROSALINE My physic says 'ay.' BIRON Will you prick't with your eye? ROSALINE No point, with my knife. BIRON Now, God save thy life! ROSALINE And yours from long living!
[Retiring]
[Exit]
LONGAVILLE I beseech you a word: what is she in the white? BOYET A woman sometimes, an you saw her in the light. LONGAVILLE Perchance light in the light. I desire her name. BOYET She hath but one for herself; to desire that were a shame. LONGAVILLE Pray you, sir, whose daughter? BOYET Her mother's, I have heard. LONGAVILLE God's blessing on your beard!
LONGAVILLE Nay, my choler is ended.
She is a most sweet lady.
BOYET Not unlike, sir, that may be.
[Exit LONGAVILLE]
[Exit BIRON]
BOYET And every jest but a word. PRINCESS It was well done of you to take him at his word.
[Offering to kiss her]
BOYET Belonging to whom?
MARIA To my fortunes and me.
PRINCESS Good wits will be jangling; but, gentles, agree:
This civil war of wits were much better used
On Navarre and his book-men; for here 'tis abused.
PRINCESS With what? BOYET With that which we lovers entitle affected. PRINCESS Your reason?
PRINCESS Come to our pavilion: Boyet is disposed.
ROSALINE Thou art an old love-monger and speakest skilfully. MARIA He is Cupid's grandfather and learns news of him. ROSALINE Then was Venus like her mother, for her father is but grim.
BOYET What then, do you see? ROSALINE Ay, our way to be gone.
[Exeunt]
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH]
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Warble, child; make passionate my sense of hearing.
[Singing]
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years; take this key,
give enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately
hither: I must employ him in a letter to my love.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO How meanest thou? brawling in French?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO How hast thou purchased this experience?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO But O,--but O,--
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Callest thou my love 'hobby-horse'?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Almost I had.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO By heart and in heart, boy.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO What wilt thou prove?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I am all these three.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Fetch hither the swain: he must carry me a letter.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Ha, ha! what sayest thou?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO The way is but short: away!
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO The meaning, pretty ingenious?
Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I say lead is slow.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet smoke of rhetoric!
He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that's he:
I shoot thee at the swain.
[Exit]
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO A most acute juvenal; voluble and free of grace!
By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face:
Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place.
My herald is return'd.
[Re-enter MOTH with COSTARD]
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Some enigma, some riddle: come, thy l'envoy; begin.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO By virtue, thou enforcest laughter; thy silly
thought my spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes
me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my stars!
Doth the inconsiderate take salve for l'envoy, and
the word l'envoy for a salve?
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO No, page: it is an epilogue or discourse, to make plain
Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain.
I will example it:
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.
There's the moral. Now the l'envoy.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.
MOTH Until the goose came out of door,
And stay'd the odds by adding four.
Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with
my l'envoy.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Until the goose came out of door,
Staying the odds by adding four.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO But tell me; how was there a costard broken in a shin?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO We will talk no more of this matter.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sirrah Costard, I will enfranchise thee.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO By my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty,
enfreedoming thy person; thou wert immured,
restrained, captivated, bound.
COSTARD True, true; and now you will be my purgation and let me loose.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance; and,
in lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this:
bear this significant
[Giving a letter]
to the country maid Jaquenetta:
there is remuneration; for the best ward of mine honour is rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow.
[Exit]
[Exit MOTH]
Now will I look to his remuneration. Remuneration! O, that's the Latin word for three farthings: three farthings--remuneration.--'What's the price of this inkle?'--'One penny.'--'No, I'll give you a
remuneration:' why, it carries it. Remuneration! why, it is a fairer name than French crown. I will never buy and sell out of this word.
[Enter BIRON]
[Giving him a shilling]
[Exit]
[Exit]
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
[Enter the PRINCESS, and her train, a Forester, BOYET, ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE]
PRINCESS Was that the king, that spurred his horse so hard
Against the steep uprising of the hill?
BOYET I know not; but I think it was not he.
PRINCESS Whoe'er a' was, a' show'd a mounting mind.
Well, lords, to-day we shall have our dispatch:
On Saturday we will return to France.
Then, forester, my friend, where is the bush
That we must stand and play the murderer in?
Forester Hereby, upon the edge of yonder coppice;
A stand where you may make the fairest shoot.
PRINCESS I thank my beauty, I am fair that shoot,
And thereupon thou speak'st the fairest shoot.
Forester Pardon me, madam, for I meant not so.
PRINCESS What, what? first praise me and again say no?
O short-lived pride! Not fair? alack for woe!
Forester Yes, madam, fair.
PRINCESS Nay, never paint me now:
Where fair is not, praise cannot mend the brow.
Here, good my glass, take this for telling true:
Fair payment for foul words is more than due.
Forester Nothing but fair is that which you inherit.
PRINCESS See see, my beauty will be saved by merit!
O heresy in fair, fit for these days!
A giving hand, though foul, shall have fair praise.
But come, the bow: now mercy goes to kill,
And shooting well is then accounted ill.
Thus will I save my credit in the shoot:
Not wounding, pity would not let me do't;
If wounding, then it was to show my skill,
That more for praise than purpose meant to kill. And out of question so it is sometimes,
Glory grows guilty of detested crimes,
When, for fame's sake, for praise, an outward part, We bend to that the working of the heart;
As I for praise alone now seek to spill
The poor deer's blood, that my heart means no ill.
PRINCESS Only for praise: and praise we may afford
To any lady that subdues a lord.
BOYET Here comes a member of the commonwealth.
[Enter COSTARD]
PRINCESS Thou shalt know her, fellow, by the rest that have no heads. COSTARD Which is the greatest lady, the highest? PRINCESS The thickest and the tallest.
PRINCESS What's your will, sir? what's your will?
COSTARD I have a letter from Monsieur Biron to one Lady Rosaline.
PRINCESS O, thy letter, thy letter! he's a good friend of mine:
Stand aside, good bearer. Boyet, you can carve;
Break up this capon.
PRINCESS We will read it, I swear.
Break the neck of the wax, and every one give ear.
[Reads]
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'
Thus dost thou hear the Nemean lion roar
'Gainst thee, thou lamb, that standest as his prey. Submissive fall his princely feet before,
And he from forage will incline to play:
But if thou strive, poor soul, what art thou then? Food for his rage, repasture for his den.
PRINCESS What plume of feathers is he that indited this letter?
What vane? what weathercock? did you ever hear better?
BOYET I am much deceived but I remember the style.
PRINCESS Else your memory is bad, going o'er it erewhile.
PRINCESS Thou fellow, a word:
Who gave thee this letter?
COSTARD I told you; my lord.
PRINCESS To whom shouldst thou give it? COSTARD From my lord to my lady. PRINCESS From which lord to which lady?
PRINCESS Thou hast mistaken his letter. Come, lords, away.
[To ROSALINE]
Here, sweet, put up this: 'twill be thine another day.
[Exeunt PRINCESS and train]
BOYET Who is the suitor? who is the suitor?
ROSALINE Shall I teach you to know?
BOYET Ay, my continent of beauty.
ROSALINE Why, she that bears the bow.
Finely put off!
ROSALINE Well, then, I am the shooter.
BOYET And who is your deer?
ROSALINE If we choose by the horns, yourself come not near.
Finely put on, indeed!
BOYET But she herself is hit lower: have I hit her now?
ROSALINE Shall I come upon thee with an old saying, that was
a man when King Pepin of France was a little boy, as
touching the hit it?
ROSALINE Thou canst not hit it, hit it, hit it,
Thou canst not hit it, my good man.
BOYET An I cannot, cannot, cannot,
An I cannot, another can.
[Exeunt ROSALINE and KATHARINE]
[Exeunt BOYET and MARIA]
[Shout within]
[Exit COSTARD, running]
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
SCENE II The same.
[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL]
of a good conscience.
HOLOFERNES The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe
as the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in
the ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven;
and anon falleth like a crab on the face of terra,
the soil, the land, the earth.
SIR NATHANIEL Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly
varied, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, I assure ye, it was a buck of the first head.
HOLOFERNES Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
DULL 'Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.
HOLOFERNES Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of
insinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of
explication; facere, as it were, replication, or
rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his
inclination, after his undressed, unpolished,
uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or rather,
unlettered, or ratherest, unconfirmed fashion, to insert again my haud credo for a deer.
DULL I said the deer was not a haud credo; twas a pricket.
HOLOFERNES Twice-sod simplicity, his coctus!
O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!
SIR NATHANIEL Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred
in a book; he hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink: his intellect is not
replenished; he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts:
And such barren plants are set before us, that we thankful should be,
Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that do fructify in us more than he.
For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool, So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school: But omne bene, say I; being of an old father's mind, Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
HOLOFERNES Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.
SIR NATHANIEL A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.
HOLOFERNES The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,
And raught not to five weeks when he came to
five-score.
The allusion holds in the exchange.
DULL 'Tis true indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.
HOLOFERNES God comfort thy capacity! I say, the allusion holds
in the exchange.
HOLOFERNES Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaph
on the death of the deer? And, to humour the
ignorant, call I the deer the princess killed a pricket.
SIR NATHANIEL Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge; so it shall
please you to abrogate scurrility.
HOLOFERNES I will something affect the letter, for it argues facility.
The preyful princess pierced and prick'd a pretty
pleasing pricket;
Some say a sore; but not a sore, till now made
sore with shooting.
The dogs did yell: put L to sore, then sorel jumps from thicket;
Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting. If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores one sorel.
Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.
HOLOFERNES This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a
foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures,
shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions,
revolutions: these are begot in the ventricle of
memory, nourished in the womb of pia mater, and
delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But the gift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I am thankful for it.
parishioners; for their sons are well tutored by you, and their daughters profit very greatly under you: you are a good member of the commonwealth.
HOLOFERNES Mehercle, if their sons be ingenuous, they shall
want no instruction; if their daughters be capable,
I will put it to them: but vir sapit qui pauca
loquitur; a soul feminine saluteth us.
[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD]
JAQUENETTA God give you good morrow, master Parson.
HOLOFERNES Master Parson, quasi pers-on. An if one should be
pierced, which is the one?
COSTARD Marry, master schoolmaster, he that is likest to a hogshead.
HOLOFERNES Piercing a hogshead! a good lustre of conceit in a
tuft of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enough
for a swine: 'tis pretty; it is well.
JAQUENETTA Good master Parson, be so good as read me this
letter: it was given me by Costard, and sent me
from Don Armado: I beseech you, read it.
HOLOFERNES Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra
Ruminat,--and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I
may speak of thee as the traveller doth of Venice;
Venetia, Venetia,
Chi non ti vede non ti pretia.
Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! who understandeth thee not, loves thee not. Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa.
Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather, as Horace says in his--What, my soul, verses?
SIR NATHANIEL Ay, sir, and very learned. HOLOFERNES Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.
If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love? Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow'd! Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove: Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like
osiers bow'd.
Study his bias leaves and makes his book thine eyes, Where all those pleasures live that art would
comprehend:
If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice; Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend, All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder; Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire: Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder, Which not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire. Celestial as thou art, O, pardon, love, this wrong, That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.
HOLOFERNES You find not the apostraphas, and so miss the
accent: let me supervise the canzonet. Here are
only numbers ratified; but, for the elegancy,
facility, and golden cadence of poesy, caret.
Ovidius Naso was the man: and why, indeed, Naso,
but for smelling out the odouriferous flowers of fancy, the jerks of invention? Imitari is nothing: so doth the hound his master, the ape his keeper, the tired horse his rider. But, damosella virgin, was this directed to you?
JAQUENETTA Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Biron, one of the strange
queen's lords.
HOLOFERNES I will overglance the superscript: 'To the
snow-white hand of the most beauteous Lady
Rosaline.' I will look again on the intellect of
the letter, for the nomination of the party writing
to the person written unto: 'Your ladyship's in all
desired employment, BIRON.' Sir Nathaniel, this Biron is one of the votaries with the king; and here he hath framed a letter to a sequent of the stranger queen's, which accidentally, or by the way of
progression, hath miscarried. Trip and go, my
sweet; deliver this paper into the royal hand of the king: it may concern much. Stay not thy
compliment; I forgive thy duty; adieu.
JAQUENETTA Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!
[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA]
religiously; and, as a certain father saith,--
HOLOFERNES Sir tell me not of the father; I do fear colourable
colours. But to return to the verses: did they
please you, Sir Nathaniel?
SIR NATHANIEL Marvellous well for the pen.
HOLOFERNES I do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupil
of mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please
you to gratify the table with a grace, I will, on my
privilege I have with the parents of the foresaid
child or pupil, undertake your ben venuto; where I
will prove those verses to be very unlearned,
neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention: I beseech your society.
the happiness of life.
HOLOFERNES And, certes, the text most infallibly concludes it.
[To DULL]
Sir, I do invite you too; you shall not
say me nay: pauca verba. Away! the gentles are at their game, and we will to our recreation.
[Exeunt]
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
SCENE III The same.
[Enter BIRON, with a paper]
[Stands aside]
[Enter FERDINAND, with a paper]
FERDINAND Ay me!
FERDINAND [Reads]
So sweet a kiss the golden sun gives not
To those fresh morning drops upon the rose,
As thy eye-beams, when their fresh rays have smote The night of dew that on my cheeks down flows: Nor shines the silver moon one half so bright
Through the transparent bosom of the deep,
As doth thy face through tears of mine give light; Thou shinest in every tear that I do weep:
No drop but as a coach doth carry thee;
So ridest thou triumphing in my woe.
Do but behold the tears that swell in me,
And they thy glory through my grief will show: But do not love thyself; then thou wilt keep
My tears for glasses, and still make me weep.
O queen of queens! how far dost thou excel,
No thought can think, nor tongue of mortal tell. How shall she know my griefs? I'll drop the paper: Sweet leaves, shade folly. Who is he comes here?
[Steps aside]
What, Longaville! and reading! listen, ear.
[Enter LONGAVILLE, with a paper]
LONGAVILLE Ay me, I am forsworn! BIRON Why, he comes in like a perjure, wearing papers. FERDINAND In love, I hope: sweet fellowship in shame! BIRON One drunkard loves another of the name. LONGAVILLE Am I the first that have been perjured so?
LONGAVILLE I fear these stubborn lines lack power to move:
O sweet Maria, empress of my love!
These numbers will I tear, and write in prose.
LONGAVILLE This same shall go.
[Reads]
Did not the heavenly rhetoric of thine eye,
'Gainst whom the world cannot hold argument,
Persuade my heart to this false perjury?
Vows for thee broke deserve not punishment.
A woman I forswore; but I will prove,
Thou being a goddess, I forswore not thee:
My vow was earthly, thou a heavenly love;
Thy grace being gain'd cures all disgrace in me. Vows are but breath, and breath a vapour is:
Then thou, fair sun, which on my earth dost shine, Exhalest this vapour-vow; in thee it is:
If broken then, it is no fault of mine:
If by me broke, what fool is not so wise
To lose an oath to win a paradise?
LONGAVILLE By whom shall I send this?--Company! stay.
[Steps aside]
[Enter DUMAIN, with a paper]
Dumain transform'd! four woodcocks in a dish!
LONGAVILLE And I had mine! FERDINAND And I mine too, good Lord!
On a day--alack the day!--
Love, whose month is ever May,
Spied a blossom passing fair
Playing in the wanton air:
Through the velvet leaves the wind,
All unseen, can passage find;
That the lover, sick to death,
Wish himself the heaven's breath.
Air, quoth he, thy cheeks may blow;
Air, would I might triumph so!
But, alack, my hand is sworn
Ne'er to pluck thee from thy thorn;
Vow, alack, for youth unmeet,
Youth so apt to pluck a sweet!
Do not call it sin in me,
That I am forsworn for thee;
Thou for whom Jove would swear
Juno but an Ethiope were;
And deny himself for Jove,
Turning mortal for thy love.
This will I send, and something else more plain, That shall express my true love's fasting pain. O, would the king, Biron, and Longaville,
Were lovers too! Ill, to example ill,
Would from my forehead wipe a perjured note;
For none offend where all alike do dote.
LONGAVILLE [Advancing] Dumain, thy love is far from charity.
You may look pale, but I should blush, I know,
To be o'erheard and taken napping so.
FERDINAND [Advancing] Come, sir, you blush; as his your case is such;
You chide at him, offending twice as much;
You do not love Maria; Longaville
Did never sonnet for her sake compile,
Nor never lay his wreathed arms athwart
His loving bosom to keep down his heart.
I have been closely shrouded in this bush
And mark'd you both and for you both did blush: I heard your guilty rhymes, observed your fashion, Saw sighs reek from you, noted well your passion: Ay me! says one; O Jove! the other cries;
One, her hairs were gold, crystal the other's eyes:
[To LONGAVILLE]
You would for paradise break faith, and troth;
[To DUMAIN]
And Jove, for your love, would infringe an oath. What will Biron say when that he shall hear
Faith so infringed, which such zeal did swear? How will he scorn! how will he spend his wit!
How will he triumph, leap and laugh at it!
For all the wealth that ever I did see,
I would not have him know so much by me.
[Advancing]
Ah, good my liege, I pray thee, pardon me!
Good heart, what grace hast thou, thus to reprove These worms for loving, that art most in love? Your eyes do make no coaches; in your tears
There is no certain princess that appears;
You'll not be perjured, 'tis a hateful thing;
Tush, none but minstrels like of sonneting!
But are you not ashamed? nay, are you not,
All three of you, to be thus much o'ershot?
You found his mote; the king your mote did see; But I a beam do find in each of three.
O, what a scene of foolery have I seen,
Of sighs, of groans, of sorrow and of teen!
O me, with what strict patience have I sat,
To see a king transformed to a gnat!
To see great Hercules whipping a gig,
And profound Solomon to tune a jig,
And Nestor play at push-pin with the boys,
And critic Timon laugh at idle toys!
Where lies thy grief, O, tell me, good Dumain? And gentle Longaville, where lies thy pain?
And where my liege's? all about the breast:
A caudle, ho!
FERDINAND Too bitter is thy jest.
Are we betray'd thus to thy over-view?
FERDINAND Soft! whither away so fast?
A true man or a thief that gallops so?
BIRON I post from love: good lover, let me go.
[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD]
JAQUENETTA God bless the king!
FERDINAND What present hast thou there?
COSTARD Some certain treason.
FERDINAND What makes treason here?
COSTARD Nay, it makes nothing, sir.
FERDINAND If it mar nothing neither,
The treason and you go in peace away together.
JAQUENETTA I beseech your grace, let this letter be read:
Our parson misdoubts it; 'twas treason, he said.
FERDINAND Biron, read it over.
[Giving him the paper]
Where hadst thou it?
JAQUENETTA Of Costard. FERDINAND Where hadst thou it?
[BIRON tears the letter]
FERDINAND How now! what is in you? why dost thou tear it? BIRON A toy, my liege, a toy: your grace needs not fear it. LONGAVILLE It did move him to passion, and therefore let's hear it.
[Gathering up the pieces]
FERDINAND What?
FERDINAND Hence, sirs; away!
[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA]
FERDINAND What, did these rent lines show some love of thine?
FERDINAND What zeal, what fury hath inspired thee now?
My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon;
She an attending star, scarce seen a light.
FERDINAND By heaven, thy love is black as ebony.
FERDINAND O paradox! Black is the badge of hell,
The hue of dungeons and the suit of night;
And beauty's crest becomes the heavens well.
BIRON Devils soonest tempt, resembling spirits of light.
O, if in black my lady's brows be deck'd,
It mourns that painting and usurping hair
Should ravish doters with a false aspect;
And therefore is she born to make black fair.
Her favour turns the fashion of the days,
For native blood is counted painting now;
And therefore red, that would avoid dispraise, Paints itself black, to imitate her brow.
LONGAVILLE And since her time are colliers counted bright. FERDINAND And Ethiopes of their sweet complexion crack.
FERDINAND 'Twere good, yours did; for, sir, to tell you plain,
I'll find a fairer face not wash'd to-day.
BIRON I'll prove her fair, or talk till doomsday here.
FERDINAND No devil will fright thee then so much as she.
DUMAIN I never knew man hold vile stuff so dear.
LONGAVILLE Look, here's thy love: my foot and her face see.
FERDINAND But what of this? are we not all in love?
BIRON Nothing so sure; and thereby all forsworn.
FERDINAND Then leave this chat; and, good Biron, now prove
Our loving lawful, and our faith not torn.
DUMAIN Ay, marry, there; some flattery for this evil.
LONGAVILLE O, some authority how to proceed;
Some tricks, some quillets, how to cheat the devil.
DUMAIN Some salve for perjury.
FERDINAND Saint Cupid, then! and, soldiers, to the field!
LONGAVILLE Now to plain-dealing; lay these glozes by:
Shall we resolve to woo these girls of France?
FERDINAND And win them too: therefore let us devise
Some entertainment for them in their tents.
FERDINAND Away, away! no time shall be omitted
That will betime, and may by us be fitted.
[Exeunt]
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL]
HOLOFERNES Satis quod sufficit.
have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affection, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with- out heresy. I did converse this quondam day with a companion of the king's, who is intituled, nomi- nated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.
HOLOFERNES Novi hominem tanquam te: his humour is lofty, his
discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye
ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
[Draws out his table-book]
HOLOFERNES He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer
than the staple of his argument. I abhor such
fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
point-devise companions; such rackers of
orthography, as to speak dout, fine, when he should
say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt,--d, e, b, t, not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf; half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebor; neigh
abbreviated ne. This is abhominable,--which he would call abbominable: it insinuateth me of
insanie: anne intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic.
SIR NATHANIEL Laus Deo, bene intelligo.
HOLOFERNES Bon, bon, fort bon, Priscian! a little scratch'd,
'twill serve.
SIR NATHANIEL Videsne quis venit?
HOLOFERNES Video, et gaudeo.
[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD]
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Chirrah!
[To MOTH]
HOLOFERNES Quare chirrah, not sirrah? DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Men of peace, well encountered. HOLOFERNES Most military sir, salutation.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO [To HOLOFERNES] Monsieur, are you not lettered?
HOLOFERNES Ba, pueritia, with a horn added. MOTH Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning. HOLOFERNES Quis, quis, thou consonant?
HOLOFERNES I will repeat them,--a, e, i,--
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet
touch, a quick venue of wit! snip, snap, quick and
home! it rejoiceth my intellect: true wit!
MOTH Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.
HOLOFERNES What is the figure? what is the figure?
MOTH Horns.
HOLOFERNES Thou disputest like an infant: go, whip thy gig.
HOLOFERNES O, I smell false Latin; dunghill for unguem.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Arts-man, preambulate, we will be singled from the
barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the
charge-house on the top of the mountain?
HOLOFERNES Or mons, the hill.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
HOLOFERNES I do, sans question.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sir, it is the king's most sweet pleasure and
affection to congratulate the princess at her
pavilion in the posteriors of this day, which the
rude multitude call the afternoon.
HOLOFERNES The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is
liable, congruent and measurable for the afternoon:
the word is well culled, chose, sweet and apt, I do
assure you, sir, I do assure.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sir, the king is a noble gentleman, and my familiar,
I do assure ye, very good friend: for what is
inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech thee,
remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee, apparel thy
head: and among other important and most serious
designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let that pass: for I must tell thee, it will please his grace, by the world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with his royal finger, thus, dally with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no fable: some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass. The very all of all is,--but, sweet heart, I do implore secrecy,--that the king would have me
present the princess, sweet chuck, with some
delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or antique, or firework. Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet self are good at such
eruptions and sudden breaking out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal, to the end to crave your assistance.
HOLOFERNES Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies.
Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by
our assistants, at the king's command, and this most
gallant, illustrate, and learned gentleman, before
the princess; I say none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
SIR NATHANIEL Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?
HOLOFERNES Joshua, yourself; myself and this gallant gentleman,
Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great
limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the
page, Hercules,--
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for
that Worthy's thumb: he is not so big as the end of his club.
HOLOFERNES Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in
minority: his enter and exit shall be strangling a
snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO For the rest of the Worthies?-- HOLOFERNES I will play three myself.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Shall I tell you a thing?
HOLOFERNES We attend.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO We will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I
beseech you, follow.
HOLOFERNES Via, goodman Dull! thou hast spoken no word all this while.
DULL Nor understood none neither, sir.
HOLOFERNES Allons! we will employ thee.
HOLOFERNES Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!
[Exeunt]
LOVE'S LABOURS LOST
SCENE II The same.
[Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE, and MARIA]
PRINCESS Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings come thus plentifully in:
A lady wall'd about with diamonds!
Look you what I have from the loving king.
ROSALINE Madame, came nothing else along with that?
PRINCESS Nothing but this! yes, as much love in rhyme
As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper,
Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name.
ROSALINE That was the way to make his godhead wax,
For he hath been five thousand years a boy.
KATHARINE Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.
ROSALINE You'll ne'er be friends with him; a' kill'd your sister.
KATHARINE He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;
And so she died: had she been light, like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
She might ha' been a grandam ere she died:
And so may you; for a light heart lives long.
ROSALINE What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?
KATHARINE A light condition in a beauty dark.
ROSALINE We need more light to find your meaning out.
KATHARINE You'll mar the light by taking it in snuff;
Therefore I'll darkly end the argument.
ROSALINE Look what you do, you do it still i' the dark.
KATHARINE So do not you, for you are a light wench.
ROSALINE Indeed I weigh not you, and therefore light.
KATHARINE You weigh me not? O, that's you care not for me.
ROSALINE Great reason; for 'past cure is still past care.'
PRINCESS Well bandied both; a set of wit well play'd.
But Rosaline, you have a favour too:
Who sent it? and what is it?
ROSALINE I would you knew:
An if my face were but as fair as yours,
My favour were as great; be witness this.
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron:
The numbers true; and, were the numbering too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground:
I am compared to twenty thousand fairs.
O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter!
PRINCESS Any thing like?
ROSALINE Much in the letters; nothing in the praise.
PRINCESS Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.
KATHARINE Fair as a text B in a copy-book.
ROSALINE 'Ware pencils, ho! let me not die your debtor,
My red dominical, my golden letter:
O, that your face were not so full of O's!
KATHARINE A pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows.
PRINCESS But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumain?
KATHARINE Madam, this glove.
PRINCESS Did he not send you twain?
KATHARINE Yes, madam, and moreover
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover,
A huge translation of hypocrisy,
Vilely compiled, profound simplicity.
PRINCESS I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart
The chain were longer and the letter short?
MARIA Ay, or I would these hands might never part.
PRINCESS We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.
ROSALINE They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
That same Biron I'll torture ere I go:
O that I knew he were but in by the week!
How I would make him fawn and beg and seek
And wait the season and observe the times
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes And shape his service wholly to my hests
And make him proud to make me proud that jests! So perttaunt-like would I o'ersway his state
That he should be my fool and I his fate.
PRINCESS None are so surely caught, when they are catch'd,
As wit turn'd fool: folly, in wisdom hatch'd,
Hath wisdom's warrant and the help of school
And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool.
ROSALINE The blood of youth burns not with such excess
As gravity's revolt to wantonness.
PRINCESS Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.
[Enter BOYET]
BOYET O, I am stabb'd with laughter! Where's her grace?
PRINCESS Thy news Boyet?
BOYET Prepare, madam, prepare!
Arm, wenches, arm! encounters mounted are
Against your peace: Love doth approach disguised,
Armed in arguments; you'll be surprised:
Muster your wits; stand in your own defence;
Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.
PRINCESS Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they
That charge their breath against us? say, scout, say.
PRINCESS But what, but what, come they to visit us?
PRINCESS And will they so? the gallants shall be task'd;
For, ladies, we shall every one be mask'd;
And not a man of them shall have the grace,
Despite of suit, to see a lady's face.
Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,
And then the king will court thee for his dear; Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine, So shall Biron take me for Rosaline.
And change your favours too; so shall your loves Woo contrary, deceived by these removes.
ROSALINE Come on, then; wear the favours most in sight.
KATHARINE But in this changing what is your intent?
PRINCESS The effect of my intent is to cross theirs:
They do it but in mocking merriment;
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several counsels they unbosom shall
To loves mistook, and so be mock'd withal
Upon the next occasion that we meet,
With visages displayed, to talk and greet.
ROSALINE But shall we dance, if they desire to't?
PRINCESS No, to the death, we will not move a foot;
Nor to their penn'd speech render we no grace,
But while 'tis spoke each turn away her face.
PRINCESS Therefore I do it; and I make no doubt
The rest will ne'er come in, if he be out
There's no such sport as sport by sport o'erthrown,
To make theirs ours and ours none but our own:
So shall we stay, mocking intended game,
And they, well mock'd, depart away with shame.
[Trumpets sound within]
[The Ladies mask]
[Enter Blackamoors with music; MOTH; FERDINAND, BIRON, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN, in Russian habits, and masked]
[The Ladies turn their backs to him]
That ever turn'd their--backs--to mortal views!
[Exit MOTH]
ROSALINE What would these strangers? know their minds, Boyet:
If they do speak our language, 'tis our will:
That some plain man recount their purposes
Know what they would.
BOYET What would you with the princess?
BIRON Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE What would they, say they?
BOYET Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE Why, that they have; and bid them so be gone.
BOYET She says, you have it, and you may be gone.
FERDINAND Say to her, we have measured many miles
To tread a measure with her on this grass.
ROSALINE It is not so. Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile: if they have measured many,
The measure then of one is easily told.
BOYET She hears herself.
ROSALINE How many weary steps,
Of many weary miles you have o'ergone,
Are number'd in the travel of one mile?
ROSALINE My face is but a moon, and clouded too.
FERDINAND Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do!
Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to shine,
Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne.
ROSALINE O vain petitioner! beg a greater matter;
Thou now request'st but moonshine in the water.
FERDINAND Then, in our measure do but vouchsafe one change.
Thou bid'st me beg: this begging is not strange.
ROSALINE Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon.
[Music plays]
Not yet! no dance! Thus change I like the moon.
FERDINAND Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?
ROSALINE You took the moon at full, but now she's changed.
FERDINAND Yet still she is the moon, and I the man.
The music plays; vouchsafe some motion to it.
ROSALINE Our ears vouchsafe it.
FERDINAND But your legs should do it.
ROSALINE Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
We'll not be nice: take hands. We will not dance.
FERDINAND Why take we hands, then?
ROSALINE Only to part friends:
Curtsy, sweet hearts; and so the measure ends.
FERDINAND More measure of this measure; be not nice.
ROSALINE We can afford no more at such a price.
FERDINAND Prize you yourselves: what buys your company?
ROSALINE Your absence only.
FERDINAND That can never be.
ROSALINE Then cannot we be bought: and so, adieu;
Twice to your visor, and half once to you.
FERDINAND If you deny to dance, let's hold more chat.
ROSALINE In private, then.
FERDINAND I am best pleased with that.
[They converse apart]
BIRON White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee. PRINCESS Honey, and milk, and sugar; there is three.
PRINCESS Seventh sweet, adieu:
Since you can cog, I'll play no more with you.
BIRON One word in secret.
PRINCESS Let it not be sweet.
BIRON Thou grievest my gall.
PRINCESS Gall! bitter.
[They converse apart]
MARIA Name it. DUMAIN Fair lady,--
[They converse apart]
KATHARINE What, was your vizard made without a tongue?
LONGAVILLE I know the reason, lady, why you ask.
KATHARINE O for your reason! quickly, sir; I long.
LONGAVILLE You have a double tongue within your mask,
And would afford my speechless vizard half.
KATHARINE Veal, quoth the Dutchman. Is not 'veal' a calf?
LONGAVILLE A calf, fair lady!
KATHARINE No, a fair lord calf.
LONGAVILLE Let's part the word.
KATHARINE No, I'll not be your half
Take all, and wean it; it may prove an ox.
LONGAVILLE Look, how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks!
Will you give horns, chaste lady? do not so.
KATHARINE Then die a calf, before your horns do grow.
LONGAVILLE One word in private with you, ere I die.
KATHARINE Bleat softly then; the butcher hears you cry.
[They converse apart]
ROSALINE Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off. BIRON By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff! FERDINAND Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits. PRINCESS Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovits.
[Exeunt FERDINAND, Lords, and Blackamoors]
Are these the breed of wits so wonder'd at?
BOYET Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puff'd out.
ROSALINE Well-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat.
PRINCESS O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout!
Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight?
Or ever, but in vizards, show their faces?
This pert Biron was out of countenance quite.
ROSALINE O, they were all in lamentable cases!
The king was weeping-ripe for a good word.
PRINCESS Biron did swear himself out of all suit.
KATHARINE Lord Longaville said, I came o'er his heart;
And trow you what he called me?
PRINCESS Qualm, perhaps.
KATHARINE Yes, in good faith.
PRINCESS Go, sickness as thou art!
ROSALINE Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps.
But will you hear? the king is my love sworn.
PRINCESS And quick Biron hath plighted faith to me.
KATHARINE And Longaville was for my service born.
PRINCESS Will they return?
BOYET They will, they will, God knows,
And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows:
Therefore change favours; and, when they repair,
Blow like sweet roses in this summer air.
PRINCESS How blow? how blow? speak to be understood.
PRINCESS Avaunt, perplexity! What shall we do,
If they return in their own shapes to woo?
ROSALINE Good madam, if by me you'll be advised,
Let's, mock them still, as well known as disguised:
Let us complain to them what fools were here,
Disguised like Muscovites, in shapeless gear;
And wonder what they were and to what end
Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penn'd And their rough carriage so ridiculous,
Should be presented at our tent to us.
BOYET Ladies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand. PRINCESS Whip to our tents, as roes run o'er land.
[Exeunt PRINCESS, ROSALINE, KATHARINE, and MARIA]
[Re-enter FERDINAND, BIRON, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN, in their proper habits]
FERDINAND Fair sir, God save you! Where's the princess?
FERDINAND That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
[Exit]
FERDINAND A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart,
That put Armado's page out of his part!
[Re-enter the PRINCESS, ushered by BOYET, ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE]
FERDINAND All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!
PRINCESS 'Fair' in 'all hail' is foul, as I conceive.
FERDINAND Construe my speeches better, if you may.
PRINCESS Then wish me better; I will give you leave.
FERDINAND We came to visit you, and purpose now
To lead you to our court; vouchsafe it then.
PRINCESS This field shall hold me; and so hold your vow:
Nor God, nor I, delights in perjured men.
FERDINAND Rebuke me not for that which you provoke:
The virtue of your eye must break my oath.
PRINCESS You nickname virtue; vice you should have spoke;
For virtue's office never breaks men's troth.
Now by my maiden honour, yet as pure
As the unsullied lily, I protest,
A world of torments though I should endure,
I would not yield to be your house's guest;
So much I hate a breaking cause to be
Of heavenly oaths, vow'd with integrity.
FERDINAND O, you have lived in desolation here,
Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.
PRINCESS Not so, my lord; it is not so, I swear;
We have had pastimes here and pleasant game:
A mess of Russians left us but of late.
FERDINAND How, madam! Russians!
PRINCESS Ay, in truth, my lord;
Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.
ROSALINE Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord:
My lady, to the manner of the days,
In courtesy gives undeserving praise.
We four indeed confronted were with four
In Russian habit: here they stay'd an hour,
And talk'd apace; and in that hour, my lord,
They did not bless us with one happy word.
I dare not call them fools; but this I think,
When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.
ROSALINE This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye,--
BIRON I am a fool, and full of poverty.
ROSALINE But that you take what doth to you belong,
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.
BIRON O, I am yours, and all that I possess!
ROSALINE All the fool mine?
BIRON I cannot give you less.
ROSALINE Which of the vizards was it that you wore?
BIRON Where? when? what vizard? why demand you this?
ROSALINE There, then, that vizard; that superfluous case
That hid the worse and show'd the better face.
FERDINAND We are descried; they'll mock us now downright.
DUMAIN Let us confess and turn it to a jest.
PRINCESS Amazed, my lord? why looks your highness sad?
ROSALINE Help, hold his brows! he'll swoon! Why look you pale?
Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy.
ROSALINE Sans sans, I pray you.
PRINCESS No, they are free that gave these tokens to us.
BIRON Our states are forfeit: seek not to undo us.
ROSALINE It is not so; for how can this be true,
That you stand forfeit, being those that sue?
BIRON Peace! for I will not have to do with you.
ROSALINE Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.
BIRON Speak for yourselves; my wit is at an end.
FERDINAND Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression
Some fair excuse.
PRINCESS The fairest is confession.
Were not you here but even now disguised?
FERDINAND Madam, I was.
PRINCESS And were you well advised?
FERDINAND I was, fair madam.
PRINCESS When you then were here,
What did you whisper in your lady's ear?
FERDINAND That more than all the world I did respect her.
PRINCESS When she shall challenge this, you will reject her.
FERDINAND Upon mine honour, no.
PRINCESS Peace, peace! forbear:
Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.
FERDINAND Despise me, when I break this oath of mine.
PRINCESS I will: and therefore keep it. Rosaline,
What did the Russian whisper in your ear?
ROSALINE Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
As precious eyesight, and did value me
Above this world; adding thereto moreover
That he would wed me, or else die my lover.
PRINCESS God give thee joy of him! the noble lord
Most honourably doth unhold his word.
FERDINAND What mean you, madam? by my life, my troth,
I never swore this lady such an oath.
ROSALINE By heaven, you did; and to confirm it plain,
You gave me this: but take it, sir, again.
FERDINAND My faith and this the princess I did give:
I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.
PRINCESS Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear;
And Lord Biron, I thank him, is my dear.
What, will you have me, or your pearl again?
[To BOYET]
Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?
Do not you know my lady's foot by the squier,
And laugh upon the apple of her eye?
And stand between her back, sir, and the fire, Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?
You put our page out: go, you are allow'd;
Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud. You leer upon me, do you? there's an eye
Wounds like a leaden sword.
[Enter COSTARD]
Welcome, pure wit! thou partest a fair fray.
[Exit]
FERDINAND Biron, they will shame us: let them not approach.
FERDINAND I say they shall not come.
PRINCESS Nay, my good lord, let me o'errule you now:
That sport best pleases that doth least know how:
Where zeal strives to content, and the contents
Dies in the zeal of that which it presents:
Their form confounded makes most form in mirth,
When great things labouring perish in their birth.
[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO]
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Anointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal
sweet breath as will utter a brace of words.
[Converses apart with FERDINAND, and delivers him a paper]
PRINCESS Doth this man serve God?
BIRON Why ask you?
PRINCESS He speaks not like a man of God's making.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO That is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for,
I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding
fantastical; too, too vain, too too vain: but we
will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra.
I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement!
[Exit]
FERDINAND Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He
presents Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the
Great; the parish curate, Alexander; Armado's page,
Hercules; the pedant, Judas Maccabaeus: And if
these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
These four will change habits, and present the other five.
BIRON There is five in the first show. FERDINAND You are deceived; 'tis not so.
FERDINAND The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.
[Enter COSTARD, for Pompey]
BOYET You lie, you are not he. COSTARD I Pompey am,-- BOYET With libbard's head on knee.
Pompey surnamed the Great;
That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my foe to sweat:
And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance, And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France, If your ladyship would say, 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had done.
PRINCESS Great thanks, great Pompey.
[Enter SIR NATHANIEL, for Alexander]
commander;
By east, west, north, and south, I spread my
conquering might:
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander,--
BIRON Your nose smells 'no' in this, most tender-smelling knight. PRINCESS The conqueror is dismay'd. Proceed, good Alexander.
commander,--
[SIR NATHANIEL retires]
There, an't shall please you; a foolish mild man; an honest man, look you, and soon dashed. He is a marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good bowler: but, for Alisander,--alas, you see how 'tis,--a little o'erparted. But there are Worthies a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort.
[Enter HOLOFERNES, for Judas; and MOTH, for Hercules]
HOLOFERNES Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
Whose club kill'd Cerberus, that three-headed canis;
And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
Ergo I come with this apology.
Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.
[MOTH retires]
Judas I am,--
HOLOFERNES Not Iscariot, sir.
Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.
DUMAIN Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.
BIRON A kissing traitor. How art thou proved Judas? HOLOFERNES Judas I am,-- DUMAIN The more shame for you, Judas. HOLOFERNES What mean you, sir? BOYET To make Judas hang himself. HOLOFERNES Begin, sir; you are my elder. BIRON Well followed: Judas was hanged on an elder. HOLOFERNES I will not be put out of countenance. BIRON Because thou hast no face. HOLOFERNES What is this?
BIRON A Death's face in a ring. LONGAVILLE The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.
HOLOFERNES You have put me out of countenance. BIRON False; we have given thee faces. HOLOFERNES But you have out-faced them all.
BIRON For the ass to the Jude; give it him:--Jud-as, away! HOLOFERNES This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.
[HOLOFERNES retires]
PRINCESS Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!
[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, for Hector]
FERDINAND Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this. BOYET But is this Hector? FERDINAND I think Hector was not so clean-timbered. LONGAVILLE His leg is too big for Hector's.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
Gave Hector a gift,--
DUMAIN A gilt nutmeg.
BIRON A lemon. LONGAVILLE Stuck with cloves.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Peace!--
The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty
Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;
A man so breathed, that certain he would fight; yea
From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
I am that flower,--
LONGAVILLE That columbine. DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue. LONGAVILLE I must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO The sweet war-man is dead and rotten; sweet chucks,
beat not the bones of the buried: when he breathed,
he was a man. But I will forward with my device.
[To the PRINCESS]
Sweet royalty, bestow on me the sense of hearing.
PRINCESS Speak, brave Hector: we are much delighted. DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I do adore thy sweet grace's slipper.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO This Hector far surmounted Hannibal,--
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO What meanest thou?
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Dost thou infamonize me among potentates? thou shalt
die.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO By the north pole, I do challenge thee.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me; I will not combat
in my shirt.
DUMAIN You may not deny it: Pompey hath made the challenge.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet bloods, I both may and will.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt; I go
woolward for penance.
[Enter MERCADE]
PRINCESS Welcome, Mercade;
But that thou interrupt'st our merriment.
PRINCESS Dead, for my life!
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO For mine own part, I breathe free breath. I have
seen the day of wrong through the little hole of
discretion, and I will right myself like a soldier.
[Exeunt Worthies]
FERDINAND How fares your majesty?
PRINCESS Boyet, prepare; I will away tonight.
FERDINAND Madam, not so; I do beseech you, stay.
PRINCESS Prepare, I say. I thank you, gracious lords,
For all your fair endeavors; and entreat,
Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe
In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
The liberal opposition of our spirits,
If over-boldly we have borne ourselves
In the converse of breath: your gentleness
Was guilty of it. Farewell worthy lord!
A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue:
Excuse me so, coming too short of thanks
For my great suit so easily obtain'd.
FERDINAND The extreme parts of time extremely forms
All causes to the purpose of his speed,
And often at his very loose decides
That which long process could not arbitrate:
And though the mourning brow of progeny
Forbid the smiling courtesy of love
The holy suit which fain it would convince,
Yet, since love's argument was first on foot,
Let not the cloud of sorrow justle it
From what it purposed; since, to wail friends lost Is not by much so wholesome-profitable
As to rejoice at friends but newly found.
PRINCESS I understand you not: my griefs are double.
PRINCESS We have received your letters full of love;
Your favours, the ambassadors of love;
And, in our maiden council, rated them
At courtship, pleasant jest and courtesy,
As bombast and as lining to the time:
But more devout than this in our respects
Have we not been; and therefore met your loves In their own fashion, like a merriment.
LONGAVILLE So did our looks.
ROSALINE We did not quote them so.
FERDINAND Now, at the latest minute of the hour,
Grant us your loves.
PRINCESS A time, methinks, too short
To make a world-without-end bargain in.
No, no, my lord, your grace is perjured much,
Full of dear guiltiness; and therefore this:
If for my love, as there is no such cause,
You will do aught, this shall you do for me:
Your oath I will not trust; but go with speed
To some forlorn and naked hermitage,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world;
There stay until the twelve celestial signs
Have brought about the annual reckoning.
If this austere insociable life
Change not your offer made in heat of blood;
If frosts and fasts, hard lodging and thin weeds Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love,
But that it bear this trial and last love;
Then, at the expiration of the year,
Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts, And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine
I will be thine; and till that instant shut
My woeful self up in a mourning house,
Raining the tears of lamentation
For the remembrance of my father's death.
If this thou do deny, let our hands part,
Neither entitled in the other's heart.
FERDINAND If this, or more than this, I would deny,
To flatter up these powers of mine with rest,
The sudden hand of death close up mine eye!
Hence ever then my heart is in thy breast.
BIRON [And what to me, my love? and what to me?
ROSALINE You must be purged too, your sins are rack'd,
You are attaint with faults and perjury:
Therefore if you my favour mean to get,
A twelvemonth shall you spend, and never rest,
But seek the weary beds of people sick]
DUMAIN But what to me, my love? but what to me? A wife?
KATHARINE A beard, fair health, and honesty;
With three-fold love I wish you all these three.
DUMAIN O, shall I say, I thank you, gentle wife?
KATHARINE Not so, my lord; a twelvemonth and a day
I'll mark no words that smooth-faced wooers say:
Come when the king doth to my lady come;
Then, if I have much love, I'll give you some.
DUMAIN I'll serve thee true and faithfully till then.
KATHARINE Yet swear not, lest ye be forsworn again.
LONGAVILLE What says Maria?
MARIA At the twelvemonth's end
I'll change my black gown for a faithful friend.
LONGAVILLE I'll stay with patience; but the time is long.
ROSALINE Oft have I heard of you, my Lord Biron,
Before I saw you; and the world's large tongue
Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks,
Full of comparisons and wounding flouts,
Which you on all estates will execute
That lie within the mercy of your wit.
To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain, And therewithal to win me, if you please,
Without the which I am not to be won,
You shall this twelvemonth term from day to day Visit the speechless sick and still converse
With groaning wretches; and your task shall be, With all the fierce endeavor of your wit
To enforce the pained impotent to smile.
ROSALINE Why, that's the way to choke a gibing spirit,
Whose influence is begot of that loose grace
Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools:
A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
Of him that makes it: then, if sickly ears,
Deaf'd with the clamours of their own dear groans,
Will hear your idle scorns, continue then,
And I will have you and that fault withal;
But if they will not, throw away that spirit,
And I shall find you empty of that fault,
Right joyful of your reformation.
PRINCESS [To FERDINAND] Ay, sweet my lord; and so I take my leave. FERDINAND No, madam; we will bring you on your way.
FERDINAND Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day,
And then 'twill end.
BIRON That's too long for a play.
[Re-enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO]
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet majesty, vouchsafe me,-- PRINCESS Was not that Hector?
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO I will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I am
a votary; I have vowed to Jaquenetta to hold the
plough for her sweet love three years. But, most
esteemed greatness, will you hear the dialogue that
the two learned men have compiled in praise of the
owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the end of our show.
FERDINAND Call them forth quickly; we will do so. DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Holla! approach.
[Re-enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, MOTH, COSTARD, and others]
This side is Hiems, Winter, this Ver, the Spring; the one maintained by the owl, the other by the cuckoo. Ver, begin.
[THE SONG]
SPRING.
When daisies pied and violets blue
And lady-smocks all silver-white
And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue
Do paint the meadows with delight,
The cuckoo then, on every tree,
Mocks married men; for thus sings he, Cuckoo; Cuckoo, cuckoo: O word of fear,
Unpleasing to a married ear!
When shepherds pipe on oaten straws
And merry larks are ploughmen's clocks,
When turtles tread, and rooks, and daws,
And maidens bleach their summer smocks
The cuckoo then, on every tree,
Mocks married men; for thus sings he, Cuckoo; Cuckoo, cuckoo: O word of fear,
Unpleasing to a married ear!
WINTER.
When icicles hang by the wall
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail
And Tom bears logs into the hall
And milk comes frozen home in pail,
When blood is nipp'd and ways be foul,
Then nightly sings the staring owl, Tu-whit; Tu-who, a merry note,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
When all aloud the wind doth blow
And coughing drowns the parson's saw
And birds sit brooding in the snow
And Marian's nose looks red and raw,
When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl,
Then nightly sings the staring owl, Tu-whit; Tu-who, a merry note,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
DON
ADRIANO DE ARMADO The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of
Apollo. You that way: we this way.
[Exeunt]