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2 KING HENRY IV
DRAMATIS PERSONAE

KING HENRY      the Fourth. (KING HENRY IV:)

PRINCE HENRY                    |
OF WALES                (PRINCE HENRY:) |
        afterwards KING HENRY V.        |
                        |
THOMAS, DUKE OF                 |  sons of King Henry.
CLARENCE                (CLARENCE:)     |
                        |
PRINCE HUMPHREY                 |
OF GLOUCESTER           (GLOUCESTER:)   |

Lord Chief-Justice of the King's Bench:
(Lord Chief-Justice:)
A Servant of the Chief-Justice.

SCROOP,
ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      (ARCHBISHOP OF YORK:)

SIR JOHN COLEVILE       (COLEVILE:)

TRAVERS

|
| retainers of Northumberland.

SIR JOHN FALSTAFF       (FALSTAFF:)

His Page. (Page:)

SHALLOW

|
| country justices.

DAVY

servant to Shallow.

MOULDY

|
|

SHADOW

|
|

WART

| recruits.
|

FEEBLE

|
|

BULLCALF        |

FANG

|
| sheriff's officers.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        hostess of a tavern in Eastcheap.

Lords and Attendants; Porter, Drawers,
Beadles, Grooms, &c.
(First Messenger:)
(Porter:)
(First Drawer:)
(Second Drawer:)
(First Beadle:)
(First Groom:)
(Second Groom:)
A Dancer, speaker of the epilogue.

2 KING HENRY IV
INDUCTION
[Warkworth. Before the castle]
[Enter RUMOUR, painted full of tongues]

RUMOUR

Open your ears; for which of you will stop
The vent of hearing when loud Rumour speaks? I, from the orient to the drooping west, Making the wind my post-horse, still unfold The acts commenced on this ball of earth: Upon my tongues continual slanders ride, The which in every language I pronounce, Stuffing the ears of men with false reports. I speak of peace, while covert enmity Under the smile of safety wounds the world: And who but Rumour, who but only I, Make fearful musters and prepared defence, Whiles the big year, swoln with some other grief, Is thought with child by the stern tyrant war, And no such matter? Rumour is a pipe Blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures And of so easy and so plain a stop That the blunt monster with uncounted heads, The still-discordant wavering multitude, Can play upon it. But what need I thus My well-known body to anatomize Among my household? Why is Rumour here? I run before King Harry's victory; Who in a bloody field by Shrewsbury Hath beaten down young Hotspur and his troops, Quenching the flame of bold rebellion Even with the rebel's blood. But what mean I To speak so true at first? my office is To noise abroad that Harry Monmouth fell Under the wrath of noble Hotspur's sword, And that the king before the Douglas' rage Stoop'd his anointed head as low as death. This have I rumour'd through the peasant towns Between that royal field of Shrewsbury And this worm-eaten hold of ragged stone, Where Hotspur's father, old Northumberland, Lies crafty-sick: the posts come tiring on, And not a man of them brings other news Than they have learn'd of me: from Rumour's tongues They bring smooth comforts false, worse than true wrongs.

[Exit]
2 KING HENRY IV

[Enter LORD BARDOLPH]

[The Porter opens the gate]

                       Where is the earl?

That the Lord Bardolph doth attend him here.

Porter

His lordship is walk'd forth into the orchard;
Please it your honour, knock but at the gate, And he himself wilt answer.

[Enter NORTHUMBERLAND]

[Exit Porter]

Should be the father of some stratagem:
The times are wild: contention, like a horse
Full of high feeding, madly hath broke loose
And bears down all before him.

I bring you certain news from Shrewsbury.

LORD BARDOLPH                     As good as heart can wish:
        The king is almost wounded to the death;
        And, in the fortune of my lord your son,
        Prince Harry slain outright; and both the Blunts
        Kill'd by the hand of Douglas; young Prince John

And Westmoreland and Stafford fled the field;
And Harry Monmouth's brawn, the hulk Sir John,
Is prisoner to your son: O, such a day,
So fought, so follow'd and so fairly won,
Came not till now to dignify the times,
Since Caesar's fortunes!

Saw you the field? came you from Shrewsbury?

A gentleman well bred and of good name,
That freely render'd me these news for true.

On Tuesday last to listen after news.
[Enter TRAVERS]

And he is furnish'd with no certainties
More than he haply may retail from me.

TRAVERS

My lord, Sir John Umfrevile turn'd me back
With joyful tidings; and, being better horsed, Out-rode me. After him came spurring hard A gentleman, almost forspent with speed, That stopp'd by me to breathe his bloodied horse. He ask'd the way to Chester; and of him I did demand what news from Shrewsbury: He told me that rebellion had bad luck And that young Harry Percy's spur was cold. With that, he gave his able horse the head, And bending forward struck his armed heels Against the panting sides of his poor jade Up to the rowel-head, and starting so He seem'd in running to devour the way, Staying no longer question.

Said he young Harry Percy's spur was cold?
Of Hotspur Coldspur? that rebellion
Had met ill luck?

LORD BARDOLPH                     My lord, I'll tell you what;
        If my young lord your son have not the day,
        Upon mine honour, for a silken point
        I'll give my barony: never talk of it.

Give then such instances of loss?

He was some hilding fellow that had stolen
The horse he rode on, and, upon my life,
Spoke at a venture. Look, here comes more news.
[Enter MORTON]

Foretells the nature of a tragic volume:
So looks the strand whereon the imperious flood Hath left a witness'd usurpation.
Say, Morton, didst thou come from Shrewsbury?

MORTON

I ran from Shrewsbury, my noble lord;
Where hateful death put on his ugliest mask To fright our party.

Thou tremblest; and the whiteness in thy cheek
Is apter than thy tongue to tell thy errand.
Even such a man, so faint, so spiritless,
So dull, so dead in look, so woe-begone,
Drew Priam's curtain in the dead of night,
And would have told him half his Troy was burnt; But Priam found the fire ere he his tongue,
And I my Percy's death ere thou report'st it.
This thou wouldst say, 'Your son did thus and thus; Your brother thus: so fought the noble Douglas:' Stopping my greedy ear with their bold deeds:
But in the end, to stop my ear indeed,
Thou hast a sigh to blow away this praise,
Ending with 'Brother, son, and all are dead.'

MORTON

Douglas is living, and your brother, yet;
But, for my lord your son--

See what a ready tongue suspicion hath!
He that but fears the thing he would not know
Hath by instinct knowledge from others' eyes
That what he fear'd is chanced. Yet speak, Morton; Tell thou an earl his divination lies,
And I will take it as a sweet disgrace
And make thee rich for doing me such wrong.

MORTON

You are too great to be by me gainsaid:
Your spirit is too true, your fears too certain.

I see a strange confession in thine eye:
Thou shakest thy head and hold'st it fear or sin To speak a truth. If he be slain, say so;
The tongue offends not that reports his death:
And he doth sin that doth belie the dead,
Not he which says the dead is not alive.
Yet the first bringer of unwelcome news
Hath but a losing office, and his tongue
Sounds ever after as a sullen bell,
Remember'd tolling a departing friend.

MORTON

I am sorry I should force you to believe
That which I would to God I had not seen; But these mine eyes saw him in bloody state, Rendering faint quittance, wearied and out-breathed, To Harry Monmouth; whose swift wrath beat down The never-daunted Percy to the earth, From whence with life he never more sprung up. In few, his death, whose spirit lent a fire Even to the dullest peasant in his camp, Being bruited once, took fire and heat away From the best temper'd courage in his troops; For from his metal was his party steel'd; Which once in him abated, all the rest Turn'd on themselves, like dull and heavy lead: And as the thing that's heavy in itself, Upon enforcement flies with greatest speed, So did our men, heavy in Hotspur's loss, Lend to this weight such lightness with their fear That arrows fled not swifter toward their aim Than did our soldiers, aiming at their safety, Fly from the field. Then was the noble Worcester Too soon ta'en prisoner; and that furious Scot, The bloody Douglas, whose well-labouring sword Had three times slain the appearance of the king, 'Gan vail his stomach and did grace the shame Of those that turn'd their backs, and in his flight, Stumbling in fear, was took. The sum of all Is that the king hath won, and hath sent out A speedy power to encounter you, my lord, Under the conduct of young Lancaster And Westmoreland. This is the news at full.

In poison there is physic; and these news,
Having been well, that would have made me sick, Being sick, have in some measure made me well:
And as the wretch, whose fever-weaken'd joints, Like strengthless hinges, buckle under life,
Impatient of his fit, breaks like a fire
Out of his keeper's arms, even so my limbs,
Weaken'd with grief, being now enraged with grief, Are thrice themselves. Hence, therefore, thou nice crutch! A scaly gauntlet now with joints of steel
Must glove this hand: and hence, thou sickly quoif! Thou art a guard too wanton for the head
Which princes, flesh'd with conquest, aim to hit. Now bind my brows with iron; and approach
The ragged'st hour that time and spite dare bring To frown upon the enraged Northumberland!
Let heaven kiss earth! now let not Nature's hand Keep the wild flood confined! let order die!
And let this world no longer be a stage
To feed contention in a lingering act;
But let one spirit of the first-born Cain
Reign in all bosoms, that, each heart being set On bloody courses, the rude scene may end,
And darkness be the burier of the dead!

MORTON

The lives of all your loving complices
Lean on your health; the which, if you give o'er To stormy passion, must perforce decay. You cast the event of war, my noble lord, And summ'd the account of chance, before you said 'Let us make head.' It was your presurmise, That, in the dole of blows, your son might drop: You knew he walk'd o'er perils, on an edge, More likely to fall in than to get o'er; You were advised his flesh was capable Of wounds and scars and that his forward spirit Would lift him where most trade of danger ranged: Yet did you say 'Go forth;' and none of this, Though strongly apprehended, could restrain The stiff-borne action: what hath then befallen, Or what hath this bold enterprise brought forth, More than that being which was like to be?

Knew that we ventured on such dangerous seas
That if we wrought our life 'twas ten to one;
And yet we ventured, for the gain proposed
Choked the respect of likely peril fear'd;
And since we are o'erset, venture again.
Come, we will all put forth, body and goods.

MORTON

'Tis more than time: and, my most noble lord,
I hear for certain, and do speak the truth, The gentle Archbishop of York is up With well-appointed powers: he is a man Who with a double surety binds his followers. My lord your son had only but the corpse, But shadows and the shows of men, to fight; For that same word, rebellion, did divide The action of their bodies from their souls; And they did fight with queasiness, constrain'd, As men drink potions, that their weapons only Seem'd on our side; but, for their spirits and souls, This word, rebellion, it had froze them up, As fish are in a pond. But now the bishop Turns insurrection to religion: Supposed sincere and holy in his thoughts, He's followed both with body and with mind; And doth enlarge his rising with the blood Of fair King Richard, scraped from Pomfret stones; Derives from heaven his quarrel and his cause; Tells them he doth bestride a bleeding land, Gasping for life under great Bolingbroke; And more and less do flock to follow him.

This present grief had wiped it from my mind.
Go in with me; and counsel every man
The aptest way for safety and revenge:
Get posts and letters, and make friends with speed: Never so few, and never yet more need.
[Exeunt]
2 KING HENRY IV

SCENE II        London. A street.

[Enter FALSTAFF, with his Page bearing his sword and buckler]

FALSTAFF        Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor to my water?

Page

He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy water; but, for the party that owed it, he might have more diseases than he knew for.

FALSTAFF        Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me: the
        brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not
        able to invent anything that tends to laughter, more
        than I invent or is invented on me: I am not only
        witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other

men. I do here walk before thee like a sow that hath overwhelmed all her litter but one. If the prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off, why then I have no judgment. Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with an agate till now: but I will inset you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master, for a jewel,-- the juvenal, the prince your master, whose chin is not yet fledged. I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand than he shall get one on his cheek; and yet he will not stick to say his face is a face-royal: God may finish it when he will, 'tis not a hair amiss yet: he may keep it still at a face-royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it; and yet he'll be crowing as if he had writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace, but he's almost out of mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dombledon about the satin for my short cloak and my slops?

Page

He said, sir, you should procure him better
assurance than Bardolph: he would not take his band and yours; he liked not the security.

FALSTAFF        Let him be damned, like the glutton! pray God his
        tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel! a rascally
        yea-forsooth knave! to bear a gentleman in hand,
        and then stand upon security! The whoreson
        smooth-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes, and

bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is through with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with security. I looked a' should have sent me two and twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me security. Well, he may sleep in security; for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it: and yet cannot he see, though he have his own lanthorn to light him. Where's Bardolph?

Page    He's gone into Smithfield to buy your worship a horse.

FALSTAFF        I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse in
        Smithfield: an I could get me but a wife in the
        stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived.

[Enter the Lord Chief-Justice and Servant]

Page

Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for striking him about Bardolph.

FALSTAFF        Wait, close; I will not see him.

Lord Chief-Justice      What's he that goes there?

Servant Falstaff, an't please your lordship.

Lord Chief-Justice      He that was in question for the robbery?

Servant

He, my lord: but he hath since done good service at Shrewsbury; and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.

Lord Chief-Justice      What, to York? Call him back again.

Servant Sir John Falstaff!

FALSTAFF        Boy, tell him I am deaf.

Page    You must speak louder; my master is deaf.

Lord Chief-Justice      I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.
        Go, pluck him by the elbow; I must speak with him.

FALSTAFF        What! a young knave, and begging! Is there not
        wars? is there not employment? doth not the king
        lack subjects? do not the rebels need soldiers?
        Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it
        is worse shame to beg than to be on the worst side,

were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.

FALSTAFF        Why, sir, did I say you were an honest man? setting
        my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied
        in my throat, if I had said so.

Servant

I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and our soldiership aside; and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat, if you say I am any other than an honest man.

FALSTAFF        I give thee leave to tell me so! I lay aside that
        which grows to me! if thou gettest any leave of me,
        hang me; if thou takest leave, thou wert better be
        hanged. You hunt counter: hence! avaunt!

Lord Chief-Justice      Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.

FALSTAFF        My good lord! God give your lordship good time of
        day. I am glad to see your lordship abroad: I heard
        say your lordship was sick: I hope your lordship
        goes abroad by advice. Your lordship, though not
        clean past your youth, hath yet some smack of age in

you, some relish of the saltness of time; and I must humbly beseech your lordship to have a reverent care of your health.

Lord Chief-Justice      Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to
        Shrewsbury.

FALSTAFF        An't please your lordship, I hear his majesty is
        returned with some discomfort from Wales.

Lord Chief-Justice      I talk not of his majesty: you would not come when
        I sent for you.

FALSTAFF        And I hear, moreover, his highness is fallen into
        this same whoreson apoplexy.

Lord Chief-Justice      Well, God mend him! I pray you, let me speak with
        you.

FALSTAFF        This apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of lethargy,
        an't please your lordship; a kind of sleeping in the
        blood, a whoreson tingling.

Lord Chief-Justice      What tell you me of it? be it as it is.

FALSTAFF        It hath its original from much grief, from study and
        perturbation of the brain: I have read the cause of
        his effects in Galen: it is a kind of deafness.

Lord Chief-Justice      I think you are fallen into the disease; for you
        hear not what I say to you.

FALSTAFF        Very well, my lord, very well: rather, an't please
        you, it is the disease of not listening, the malady
        of not marking, that I am troubled withal.

Lord Chief-Justice      To punish you by the heels would amend the
        attention of your ears; and I care not if I do
        become your physician.

FALSTAFF        I am as poor as Job, my lord, but not so patient:
        your lordship may minister the potion of
        imprisonment to me in respect of poverty; but how
        should I be your patient to follow your
        prescriptions, the wise may make some dram of a
        scruple, or indeed a scruple itself.

Lord Chief-Justice      I sent for you, when there were matters against you
        for your life, to come speak with me.

FALSTAFF        As I was then advised by my learned counsel in the
        laws of this land-service, I did not come.

Lord Chief-Justice      Well, the truth is, Sir John, you live in great infamy.

FALSTAFF        He that buckles him in my belt cannot live in less.

Lord Chief-Justice      Your means are very slender, and your waste is great.

FALSTAFF        I would it were otherwise; I would my means were
        greater, and my waist slenderer.

Lord Chief-Justice      You have misled the youthful prince.

FALSTAFF        The young prince hath misled me: I am the fellow
        with the great belly, and he my dog.

Lord Chief-Justice      Well, I am loath to gall a new-healed wound: your
        day's service at Shrewsbury hath a little gilded
        over your night's exploit on Gad's-hill: you may
        thank the unquiet time for your quiet o'er-posting
        that action.

FALSTAFF        My lord?

Lord Chief-Justice      But since all is well, keep it so: wake not a
        sleeping wolf.

FALSTAFF        To wake a wolf is as bad as to smell a fox.

Lord Chief-Justice      What! you are as a candle, the better part burnt
        out.

FALSTAFF        A wassail candle, my lord, all tallow: if I did say
        of wax, my growth would approve the truth.

Lord Chief-Justice      There is not a white hair on your face but should
        have his effect of gravity.

FALSTAFF        His effect of gravy, gravy, gravy.

Lord Chief-Justice      You follow the young prince up and down, like his
        ill angel.

FALSTAFF        Not so, my lord; your ill angel is light; but I hope
        he that looks upon me will take me without weighing:
        and yet, in some respects, I grant, I cannot go: I
        cannot tell. Virtue is of so little regard in these
        costermonger times that true valour is turned

bear-herd: pregnancy is made a tapster, and hath his quick wit wasted in giving reckonings: all the other gifts appertinent to man, as the malice of this age shapes them, are not worth a gooseberry. You that are old consider not the capacities of us that are young; you do measure the heat of our
livers with the bitterness of your galls: and we that are in the vaward of our youth, I must confess, are wags too.

Lord Chief-Justice      Do you set down your name in the scroll of youth,
        that are written down old with all the characters of
        age? Have you not a moist eye? a dry hand? a
        yellow cheek? a white beard? a decreasing leg? an
        increasing belly? is not your voice broken? your

wind short? your chin double? your wit single? and every part about you blasted with antiquity? and will you yet call yourself young? Fie, fie, fie, Sir John!

FALSTAFF        My lord, I was born about three of the clock in the
        afternoon, with a white head and something a round
        belly. For my voice, I have lost it with halloing
        and singing of anthems. To approve my youth
        further, I will not: the truth is, I am only old in

judgment and understanding; and he that will caper with me for a thousand marks, let him lend me the money, and have at him! For the box of the ear that the prince gave you, he gave it like a rude prince, and you took it like a sensible lord. I have
chequed him for it, and the young lion repents; marry, not in ashes and sackcloth, but in new silk and old sack.

Lord Chief-Justice      Well, God send the prince a better companion!

FALSTAFF        God send the companion a better prince! I cannot
        rid my hands of him.

Lord Chief-Justice      Well, the king hath severed you and Prince Harry: I
        hear you are going with Lord John of Lancaster
        against the Archbishop and the Earl of
        Northumberland.

FALSTAFF        Yea; I thank your pretty sweet wit for it. But look
        you pray, all you that kiss my lady Peace at home,
        that our armies join not in a hot day; for, by the
        Lord, I take but two shirts out with me, and I mean
        not to sweat extraordinarily: if it be a hot day,

and I brandish any thing but a bottle, I would I might never spit white again. There is not a
dangerous action can peep out his head but I am thrust upon it: well, I cannot last ever: but it was alway yet the trick of our English nation, if they have a good thing, to make it too common. If ye will needs say I am an old man, you should give me rest. I would to God my name were not so
terrible to the enemy as it is: I were better to be eaten to death with a rust than to be scoured to nothing with perpetual motion.

Lord Chief-Justice      Well, be honest, be honest; and God bless your
        expedition!

FALSTAFF        Will your lordship lend me a thousand pound to
        furnish me forth?

Lord Chief-Justice      Not a penny, not a penny; you are too impatient to
        bear crosses. Fare you well: commend me to my
        cousin Westmoreland.

[Exeunt Chief-Justice and Servant]

FALSTAFF        If I do, fillip me with a three-man beetle. A man
        can no more separate age and covetousness than a'
        can part young limbs and lechery: but the gout
        galls the one, and the pox pinches the other; and
        so both the degrees prevent my curses. Boy!

Page    Sir?

FALSTAFF        What money is in my purse?

Page    Seven groats and two pence.

FALSTAFF        I can get no remedy against this consumption of the
        purse: borrowing only lingers and lingers it out,
        but the disease is incurable. Go bear this letter
        to my Lord of Lancaster; this to the prince; this
        to the Earl of Westmoreland; and this to old

Mistress Ursula, whom I have weekly sworn to marry since I perceived the first white hair on my chin. About it: you know where to find me.
[Exit Page]
A pox of this gout! or, a gout of this pox! for the one or the other plays the rogue with my great toe. 'Tis no matter if I do halt; I have the wars for my colour, and my pension shall seem the more reasonable. A good wit will make use of any thing: I will turn diseases to commodity.
[Exit]
2 KING HENRY IV

SCENE III       York. The Archbishop's palace.

[Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK, the Lords HASTINGS, MOWBRAY, and BARDOLPH]

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      Thus have you heard our cause and known our means;
        And, my most noble friends, I pray you all,
        Speak plainly your opinions of our hopes:
        And first, lord marshal, what say you to it?

MOWBRAY

I well allow the occasion of our arms;
But gladly would be better satisfied How in our means we should advance ourselves To look with forehead bold and big enough Upon the power and puissance of the king.

HASTINGS        Our present musters grow upon the file
        To five and twenty thousand men of choice;
        And our supplies live largely in the hope
        Of great Northumberland, whose bosom burns
        With an incensed fire of injuries.

Whether our present five and twenty thousand
May hold up head without Northumberland?

HASTINGS        With him, we may.

LORD BARDOLPH                     Yea, marry, there's the point:
        But if without him we be thought too feeble,
        My judgment is, we should not step too far
        Till we had his assistance by the hand;
        For in a theme so bloody-faced as this

Conjecture, expectation, and surmise
Of aids incertain should not be admitted.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      'Tis very true, Lord Bardolph; for indeed
        It was young Hotspur's case at Shrewsbury.

Eating the air on promise of supply,
Flattering himself in project of a power
Much smaller than the smallest of his thoughts: And so, with great imagination
Proper to madmen, led his powers to death
And winking leap'd into destruction.

HASTINGS        But, by your leave, it never yet did hurt
        To lay down likelihoods and forms of hope.

Indeed the instant action: a cause on foot
Lives so in hope as in an early spring
We see the appearing buds; which to prove fruit, Hope gives not so much warrant as despair
That frosts will bite them. When we mean to build, We first survey the plot, then draw the model;
And when we see the figure of the house,
Then must we rate the cost of the erection;
Which if we find outweighs ability,
What do we then but draw anew the model
In fewer offices, or at last desist
To build at all? Much more, in this great work, Which is almost to pluck a kingdom down
And set another up, should we survey
The plot of situation and the model,
Consent upon a sure foundation,
Question surveyors, know our own estate,
How able such a work to undergo,
To weigh against his opposite; or else
We fortify in paper and in figures,
Using the names of men instead of men:
Like one that draws the model of a house
Beyond his power to build it; who, half through, Gives o'er and leaves his part-created cost
A naked subject to the weeping clouds
And waste for churlish winter's tyranny.

HASTINGS        Grant that our hopes, yet likely of fair birth,
        Should be still-born, and that we now possess'd
        The utmost man of expectation,
        I think we are a body strong enough,
        Even as we are, to equal with the king.

LORD BARDOLPH   What, is the king but five and twenty thousand?

HASTINGS        To us no more; nay, not so much, Lord Bardolph.
        For his divisions, as the times do brawl,
        Are in three heads: one power against the French,
        And one against Glendower; perforce a third
        Must take up us: so is the unfirm king

In three divided; and his coffers sound
With hollow poverty and emptiness.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      That he should draw his several strengths together
        And come against us in full puissance,
        Need not be dreaded.

HASTINGS        If he should do so,
        He leaves his back unarm'd, the French and Welsh
        Baying him at the heels: never fear that.

LORD BARDOLPH   Who is it like should lead his forces hither?

HASTINGS        The Duke of Lancaster and Westmoreland;
        Against the Welsh, himself and Harry Monmouth:
        But who is substituted 'gainst the French,
        I have no certain notice.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      Let us on,
        And publish the occasion of our arms.
        The commonwealth is sick of their own choice;
        Their over-greedy love hath surfeited:
        An habitation giddy and unsure

Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.
O thou fond many, with what loud applause
Didst thou beat heaven with blessing Bolingbroke, Before he was what thou wouldst have him be!
And being now trimm'd in thine own desires,
Thou, beastly feeder, art so full of him,
That thou provokest thyself to cast him up.
So, so, thou common dog, didst thou disgorge
Thy glutton bosom of the royal Richard;
And now thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up,
And howl'st to find it. What trust is in
these times?
They that, when Richard lived, would have him die, Are now become enamour'd on his grave:
Thou, that threw'st dust upon his goodly head
When through proud London he came sighing on
After the admired heels of Bolingbroke,
Criest now 'O earth, yield us that king again,
And take thou this!' O thoughts of men accursed! Past and to come seems best; things present worst.

HASTINGS        We are time's subjects, and time bids be gone.

[Exeunt]
2 KING HENRY IV

[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, FANG and his Boy with her, and SNARE following.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Master Fang, have you entered the action?

FANG    It is entered.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Where's your yeoman? Is't a lusty yeoman? will a'
        stand to 't?

FANG    Sirrah, where's Snare?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        O Lord, ay! good Master Snare.

FANG    Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Yea, good Master Snare; I have entered him and all.

SNARE   It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he will stab.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Alas the day! take heed of him; he stabbed me in
        mine own house, and that most beastly: in good
        faith, he cares not what mischief he does. If his
        weapon be out: he will foin like any devil; he will
        spare neither man, woman, nor child.

FANG    If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        No, nor I neither: I'll be at your elbow.

FANG    An I but fist him once; an a' come but within my vice,--

MISTRESS QUICKLY        I am undone by his going; I warrant you, he's an
        infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang,
        hold him sure: good Master Snare, let him not
        'scape. A' comes continuantly to Pie-corner--saving
        your manhoods--to buy a saddle; and he is indited to

dinner to the Lubber's-head in Lumbert street, to Master Smooth's the silkman: I pray ye, since my exion is entered and my case so openly known to the world, let him be brought in to his answer. A
hundred mark is a long one for a poor lone woman to bear: and I have borne, and borne, and borne, and have been fubbed off, and fubbed off, and fubbed off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There is no honesty in such
dealing; unless a woman should be made an ass and a beast, to bear every knave's wrong. Yonder he
comes; and that errant malmsey-nose knave, Bardolph, with him. Do your offices, do your offices: Master Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices.
[Enter FALSTAFF, Page, and BARDOLPH]

FALSTAFF        How now! whose mare's dead? what's the matter?

FANG    Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.

FALSTAFF        Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph: cut me off the
        villain's head: throw the quean in the channel.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Throw me in the channel! I'll throw thee in the
        channel. Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly
        rogue! Murder, murder! Ah, thou honeysuckle
        villain! wilt thou kill God's officers and the
        king's? Ah, thou honey-seed rogue! thou art a
        honey-seed, a man-queller, and a woman-queller.

FALSTAFF        Keep them off, Bardolph.

FANG    A rescue! a rescue!

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Good people, bring a rescue or two. Thou wo't, wo't
        thou? Thou wo't, wo't ta? do, do, thou rogue! do,
        thou hemp-seed!

FALSTAFF        Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You
        fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

[Enter the Lord Chief-Justice, and his men]

Lord Chief-Justice      What is the matter? keep the peace here, ho!

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you, stand to me.

Lord Chief-Justice      How now, Sir John! what are you brawling here?
        Doth this become your place, your time and business?
        You should have been well on your way to York.
        Stand from him, fellow: wherefore hang'st upon him?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        O most worshipful lord, an't please your grace, I am
        a poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.

Lord Chief-Justice      For what sum?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all,
        all I have. He hath eaten me out of house and home;
        he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of
        his: but I will have some of it out again, or I
        will ride thee o' nights like the mare.

FALSTAFF        I think I am as like to ride the mare, if I have
        any vantage of ground to get up.

Lord Chief-Justice      How comes this, Sir John? Fie! what man of good
        temper would endure this tempest of exclamation?
        Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so
        rough a course to come by her own?

FALSTAFF        What is the gross sum that I owe thee?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the
        money too. Thou didst swear to me upon a
        parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber,
        at the round table, by a sea-coal fire, upon
        Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the prince broke

thy head for liking his father to a singing-man of Windsor, thou didst swear to me then, as I was
washing thy wound, to marry me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife
Keech, the butcher's wife, come in then and call me gossip Quickly? coming in to borrow a mess of
vinegar; telling us she had a good dish of prawns; whereby thou didst desire to eat some; whereby I told thee they were ill for a green wound? And
didst thou not, when she was gone down stairs,
desire me to be no more so familiarity with such poor people; saying that ere long they should call me madam? And didst thou not kiss me and bid me fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now to thy book-oath: deny it, if thou canst.

FALSTAFF        My lord, this is a poor mad soul; and she says up
        and down the town that the eldest son is like you:
        she hath been in good case, and the truth is,
        poverty hath distracted her. But for these foolish
        officers, I beseech you I may have redress against them.

Lord Chief-Justice      Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your
        manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It
        is not a confident brow, nor the throng of words
        that come with such more than impudent sauciness
        from you, can thrust me from a level consideration:

you have, as it appears to me, practised upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman, and made her serve your uses both in purse and in person.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Yea, in truth, my lord.

Lord Chief-Justice      Pray thee, peace. Pay her the debt you owe her, and
        unpay the villany you have done her: the one you
        may do with sterling money, and the other with
        current repentance.

FALSTAFF        My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without
        reply. You call honourable boldness impudent
        sauciness: if a man will make courtesy and say
        nothing, he is virtuous: no, my lord, my humble
        duty remembered, I will not be your suitor. I say

to you, I do desire deliverance from these officers, being upon hasty employment in the king's affairs.

Lord Chief-Justice      You speak as having power to do wrong: but answer
        in the effect of your reputation, and satisfy this
        poor woman.

FALSTAFF        Come hither, hostess.

[Enter GOWER]

Lord Chief-Justice      Now, Master Gower, what news?

GOWER

The king, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales
Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells.

FALSTAFF        As I am a gentleman.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Faith, you said so before.

FALSTAFF        As I am a gentleman. Come, no more words of it.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain
        to pawn both my plate and the tapestry of my
        dining-chambers.

FALSTAFF        Glasses, glasses is the only drinking: and for thy
        walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of
        the Prodigal, or the German hunting in water-work,
        is worth a thousand of these bed-hangings and these
        fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pound, if thou

canst. Come, an 'twere not for thy humours, there's not a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face, and draw the action. Come, thou must not be in
this humour with me; dost not know me? come, come, I know thou wast set on to this.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles: i'
        faith, I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save me,
        la!

FALSTAFF        Let it alone; I'll make other shift: you'll be a
        fool still.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. I
        hope you'll come to supper. You'll pay me all together?

FALSTAFF        Will I live?

[To BARDOLPH]
Go, with her, with her; hook on, hook on.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?

FALSTAFF        No more words; let's have her.

[Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY, BARDOLPH, Officers and Boy]

Lord Chief-Justice      I have heard better news.

FALSTAFF        What's the news, my lord?

Lord Chief-Justice      Where lay the king last night?

GOWER   At Basingstoke, my lord.

FALSTAFF        I hope, my lord, all's well: what is the news, my lord?

Lord Chief-Justice      Come all his forces back?

GOWER

No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,
Are marched up to my lord of Lancaster, Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.

FALSTAFF        Comes the king back from Wales, my noble lord?

Lord Chief-Justice      You shall have letters of me presently:
        Come, go along with me, good Master Gower.

FALSTAFF        My lord!

Lord Chief-Justice      What's the matter?

FALSTAFF        Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?

GOWER

I must wait upon my good lord here; I thank you, good Sir John.

Lord Chief-Justice      Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you are to
        take soldiers up in counties as you go.

FALSTAFF        Will you sup with me, Master Gower?

Lord Chief-Justice      What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir John?

FALSTAFF        Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool
        that taught them me. This is the right fencing
        grace, my lord; tap for tap, and so part fair.

Lord Chief-Justice      Now the Lord lighten thee! thou art a great fool.

[Exeunt]
2 KING HENRY IV

SCENE II        London. Another street.

[Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS]

POINS

Is't come to that? I had thought weariness durst not have attached one of so high blood.

complexion of my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in me to desire small beer?

POINS

Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as to remember so weak a composition.

by my troth, I do now remember the poor creature, small beer. But, indeed, these humble
considerations make me out of love with my
greatness. What a disgrace is it to me to remember thy name! or to know thy face to-morrow! or to
take note how many pair of silk stockings thou
hast, viz. these, and those that were thy
peach-coloured ones! or to bear the inventory of thy shirts, as, one for superfluity, and another for use! But that the tennis-court-keeper knows better than I; for it is a low ebb of linen with thee when thou keepest not racket there; as thou hast not done a great while, because the rest of thy low
countries have made a shift to eat up thy holland: and God knows, whether those that bawl out the ruins of thy linen shall inherit his kingdom: but the midwives say the children are not in the fault; whereupon the world increases, and kindreds are mightily strengthened.

POINS

How ill it follows, after you have laboured so hard, you should talk so idly! Tell me, how many good young princes would do so, their fathers being so sick as yours at this time is?

POINS

Go to; I stand the push of your one thing that you will tell.

sad, now my father is sick: albeit I could tell thee, as to one it pleases me, for fault of a
better, to call my friend, I could be sad, and sad indeed too.

book as thou and Falstaff for obduracy and
persistency: let the end try the man. But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that my father is so sick: and keeping such vile company as thou art hath in reason taken from me all ostentation of sorrow.

blessed fellow to think as every man thinks: never a man's thought in the world keeps the road-way better than thine: every man would think me an
hypocrite indeed. And what accites your most
worshipful thought to think so?

POINS

Why, because you have been so lewd and so much
engraffed to Falstaff.

POINS

By this light, I am well spoke on; I can hear it with my own ears: the worst that they can say of me is that I am a second brother and that I am a proper fellow of my hands; and those two things, I confess, I cannot help. By the mass, here comes Bardolph.

[Enter BARDOLPH and Page]

me Christian; and look, if the fat villain have not transformed him ape.

BARDOLPH        God save your grace!

PRINCE HENRY    And yours, most noble Bardolph!

BARDOLPH        Come, you virtuous ass, you bashful fool, must you
        be blushing? wherefore blush you now? What a
        maidenly man-at-arms are you become! Is't such a
        matter to get a pottle-pot's maidenhead?

Page

A' calls me e'en now, my lord, through a red
lattice, and I could discern no part of his face from the window: at last I spied his eyes, and methought he had made two holes in the ale-wife's new petticoat and so peeped through.

PRINCE HENRY    Has not the boy profited?

BARDOLPH        Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away!

Page

Away, you rascally Althaea's dream, away!

Page

Marry, my lord, Althaea dreamed she was delivered of a fire-brand; and therefore I call him her dream.

boy.

POINS

O, that this good blossom could be kept from
cankers! Well, there is sixpence to preserve thee.

BARDOLPH        An you do not make him hanged among you, the
        gallows shall have wrong.

PRINCE HENRY    And how doth thy master, Bardolph?

BARDOLPH        Well, my lord. He heard of your grace's coming to
        town: there's a letter for you.

POINS

Delivered with good respect. And how doth the
martlemas, your master?

BARDOLPH        In bodily health, sir.

POINS

Marry, the immortal part needs a physician; but that moves not him: though that be sick, it dies not.

dog; and he holds his place; for look you how be writes.

POINS

[Reads] 'John Falstaff, knight,'--every man must know that, as oft as he has occasion to name himself: even like those that are kin to the king; for they never prick their finger but they say, 'There's some of the king's blood spilt.' 'How comes that?' says he, that takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is as ready as a borrower's cap, 'I am the king's poor cousin, sir.'

from Japhet. But to the letter.

POINS

[Reads] 'Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the king, nearest his father, Harry Prince of Wales, greeting.' Why, this is a certificate.

POINS

[Reads] 'I will imitate the honourable Romans in brevity:' he sure means brevity in breath, short-winded. 'I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins; for he misuses thy favours so much, that he swears thou art to marry his sister Nell. Repent at idle times as thou mayest; and so, farewell. Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to say, as thou usest him, JACK FALSTAFF with my familiars, JOHN with my brothers and sisters, and SIR JOHN with all Europe.' My lord, I'll steep this letter in sack and make him eat it.

you use me thus, Ned? must I marry your sister?

spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us. Is your master here in London?

BARDOLPH        Yea, my lord.

PRINCE HENRY    Where sups he? doth the old boar feed in the old frank?

BARDOLPH        At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.

Page

Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.

Page

None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and
Mistress Doll Tearsheet.

Page

A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master's.

bull. Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?

master that I am yet come to town: there's for
your silence.

BARDOLPH        I have no tongue, sir.

Page

And for mine, sir, I will govern it.

[Exeunt BARDOLPH and Page]
This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.

POINS

I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Alban's and London.

in his true colours, and not ourselves be seen?

POINS

Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait upon him at his table as drawers.

Jove's case. From a prince to a prentice? a low transformation! that shall be mine; for in every thing the purpose must weigh with the folly.
Follow me, Ned.
[Exeunt]
2 KING HENRY IV

SCENE III       Warkworth. Before the castle.

[Enter NORTHUMBERLAND, LADY NORTHUMBERLAND, and LADY PERCY]

Give even way unto my rough affairs:
Put not you on the visage of the times
And be like them to Percy troublesome.

Do what you will; your wisdom be your guide.

And, but my going, nothing can redeem it.

LADY PERCY      O yet, for God's sake, go not to these wars!
        The time was, father, that you broke your word,
        When you were more endeared to it than now;
        When your own Percy, when my heart's dear Harry,
        Threw many a northward look to see his father

Bring up his powers; but he did long in vain.
Who then persuaded you to stay at home?
There were two honours lost, yours and your son's. For yours, the God of heaven brighten it!
For his, it stuck upon him as the sun
In the grey vault of heaven, and by his light
Did all the chivalry of England move
To do brave acts: he was indeed the glass
Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves:
He had no legs that practised not his gait;
And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish, Became the accents of the valiant;
For those that could speak low and tardily
Would turn their own perfection to abuse,
To seem like him: so that in speech, in gait,
In diet, in affections of delight,
In military rules, humours of blood,
He was the mark and glass, copy and book,
That fashion'd others. And him, O wondrous him! O miracle of men! him did you leave,
Second to none, unseconded by you,
To look upon the hideous god of war
In disadvantage; to abide a field
Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur's name
Did seem defensible: so you left him.
Never, O never, do his ghost the wrong
To hold your honour more precise and nice
With others than with him! let them alone:
The marshal and the archbishop are strong:
Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,
To-day might I, hanging on Hotspur's neck,
Have talk'd of Monmouth's grave.

Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits from me
With new lamenting ancient oversights.
But I must go and meet with danger there,
Or it will seek me in another place
And find me worse provided.

Till that the nobles and the armed commons
Have of their puissance made a little taste.

LADY PERCY      If they get ground and vantage of the king,
        Then join you with them, like a rib of steel,
        To make strength stronger; but, for all our loves,
        First let them try themselves. So did your son;
        He was so suffer'd: so came I a widow;

And never shall have length of life enough
To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes,
That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven,
For recordation to my noble husband.

As with the tide swell'd up unto his height,
That makes a still-stand, running neither way:
Fain would I go to meet the archbishop,
But many thousand reasons hold me back.
I will resolve for Scotland: there am I,
Till time and vantage crave my company.
[Exeunt]
2 KING HENRY IV

SCENE IV        London. The Boar's-head Tavern in Eastcheap.

[Enter two Drawers]

thou knowest Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.

of apple-johns before him, and told him there were five more Sir Johns, and, putting off his hat, said 'I will now take my leave of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.' It angered him to the
heart: but he hath forgot that.

thou canst find out Sneak's noise; Mistress
Tearsheet would fain hear some music. Dispatch: the room where they supped is too hot; they'll come in straight.

anon; and they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons; and Sir John must not know of it: Bardolph hath brought word.

excellent stratagem.

[Exit]
[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET]

MISTRESS QUICKLY        I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an
        excellent good temperality: your pulsidge beats as
        extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your
        colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose, in good
        truth, la! But, i' faith, you have drunk too much

canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere one can say 'What's this?' How do you now?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold.
        Lo, here comes Sir John.

[Enter FALSTAFF]

FALSTAFF        [Singing]  'When Arthur first in court,'
        --Empty the jordan.

[Exit First Drawer]
[Singing]
--'And was a worthy king.' How now, Mistress Doll!

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Sick of a calm; yea, good faith.

FALSTAFF        So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick.

DOLL TEARSHEET  You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me?

FALSTAFF        You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.

make them not.

FALSTAFF        If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to
        make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll, we
        catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue grant that.

FALSTAFF        'Your broaches, pearls, and ouches:' for to serve
        bravely is to come halting off, you know: to come
        off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to
        surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged
        chambers bravely,--

MISTRESS QUICKLY        By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never
        meet but you fall to some discord: you are both,
        i' good truth, as rheumatic as two dry toasts; you
        cannot one bear with another's confirmities. What
        the good-year! one must bear, and that must be

you: you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.

hogshead? there's a whole merchant's venture of Bourdeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold. Come, I'll be friends with thee, Jack: thou art going to the wars; and whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there is nobody cares.
[Re-enter First Drawer]

you.

hither: it is the foul-mouthed'st rogue in England.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        If he swagger, let him not come here: no, by my
        faith; I must live among my neighbours: I'll no
        swaggerers: I am in good name and fame with the
        very best: shut the door; there comes no swaggerers
        here: I have not lived all this while, to have
        swaggering now: shut the door, I pray you.

FALSTAFF        Dost thou hear, hostess?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Pray ye, pacify yourself, Sir John: there comes no
        swaggerers here.

FALSTAFF        Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne'er tell me: your ancient
        swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master
        Tisick, the debuty, t'other day; and, as he said to
        me, 'twas no longer ago than Wednesday last, 'I'
        good faith, neighbour Quickly,' says he; Master

Dumbe, our minister, was by then; 'neighbour
Quickly,' says he, 'receive those that are civil; for,' said he, 'you are in an ill name:' now a' said so, I can tell whereupon; 'for,' says he, 'you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive: receive,' says he, 'no swaggering companions.' There comes none here: you would bless you to hear what he said: no, I'll no swaggerers.

FALSTAFF        He's no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater, i'
        faith; you may stroke him as gently as a puppy
        greyhound: he'll not swagger with a Barbary hen, if
        her feathers turn back in any show of resistance.
        Call him up, drawer.

[Exit First Drawer]

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my
        house, nor no cheater: but I do not love
        swaggering, by my troth; I am the worse, when one
        says swagger: feel, masters, how I shake; look you,
        I warrant you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Do I? yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere an aspen
        leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers.

[Enter PISTOL, BARDOLPH, and Page]

FALSTAFF        Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge
        you with a cup of sack: do you discharge upon mine hostess.

FALSTAFF        She is Pistol-proof, sir; you shall hardly offend
        her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Come, I'll drink no proofs nor no bullets: I'll
        drink no more than will do me good, for no man's
        pleasure, I.

you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen
mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

by this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale
juggler, you! Since when, I pray you, sir? God's light, with two points on your shoulder? much!

FALSTAFF        No more, Pistol; I would not have you go off here:
        discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        No, Good Captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain.

not ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of my mind, they would truncheon you out, for
taking their names upon you before you have earned them. You a captain! you slave, for what? for
tearing a poor whore's ruff in a bawdy-house? He a captain! hang him, rogue! he lives upon mouldy
stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain! God's light, these villains will make the word as odious as the word 'occupy;' which was an excellent good word before it was ill sorted: therefore captains had need look to 't.

BARDOLPH        Pray thee, go down, good ancient.

FALSTAFF        Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.

PISTOL

Not I I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her: I'll be revenged of her.

Page

Pray thee, go down.

PISTOL

I'll see her damned first; to Pluto's damned lake, by this hand, to the infernal deep, with Erebus and tortures vile also. Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! down, faitors! Have we not Hiren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Good Captain Peesel, be quiet; 'tis very late, i'
        faith: I beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

PISTOL

These be good humours, indeed! Shall pack-horses And hollow pamper'd jades of Asia, Which cannot go but thirty mile a-day, Compare with Caesars, and with Cannibals, And Trojan Greeks? nay, rather damn them with King Cerberus; and let the welkin roar. Shall we fall foul for toys?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

BARDOLPH        Be gone, good ancient: this will grow to abrawl anon.

PISTOL

Die men like dogs! give crowns like pins! Have we not Heren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY        O' my word, captain, there's none such here. What
        the good-year! do you think I would deny her? For
        God's sake, be quiet.

PISTOL

Then feed, and be fat, my fair Calipolis.
Come, give's some sack. 'Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento.' Fear we broadsides? no, let the fiend give fire: Give me some sack: and, sweetheart, lie thou there.

[Laying down his sword]
Come we to full points here; and are etceteras nothing?

FALSTAFF        Pistol, I would be quiet.

PISTOL

Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf: what! we have seen the seven stars.

endure such a fustian rascal.

FALSTAFF        Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat
        shilling: nay, an a' do nothing but speak nothing,
        a' shall be nothing here.

BARDOLPH        Come, get you down stairs.

[Snatching up his sword]
Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days! Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds Untwine the Sisters Three! Come, Atropos, I say!

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Here's goodly stuff toward!

FALSTAFF        Give me my rapier, boy.

DOLL TEARSHEET  I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw.

FALSTAFF        Get you down stairs.

[Drawing, and driving PISTOL out]

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping
        house, afore I'll be in these tirrits and frights.
        So; murder, I warrant now. Alas, alas! put up
        your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons.

[Exeunt PISTOL and BARDOLPH]

Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you!

MISTRESS QUICKLY        He you not hurt i' the groin? methought a' made a
        shrewd thrust at your belly.

[Re-enter BARDOLPH]

FALSTAFF        Have you turned him out o' doors?

BARDOLPH        Yea, sir. The rascal's drunk: you have hurt him,
        sir, i' the shoulder.

FALSTAFF        A rascal! to brave me!

how thou sweatest! come, let me wipe thy face;
come on, you whoreson chops: ah, rogue! i'faith, I love thee: thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the Nine Worthies: ah, villain!

FALSTAFF        A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.

I'll canvass thee between a pair of sheets.
[Enter Music]

Page    The music is come, sir.

FALSTAFF        Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee, Doll.
        A rascal bragging slave! the rogue fled from me
        like quicksilver.

Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou leave fighting o' days and foining o' nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven?
[Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS, disguised]

FALSTAFF        Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a death's-head;
        do not bid me remember mine end.

FALSTAFF        A good shallow young fellow: a' would have made a
        good pantler, a' would ha' chipp'd bread well.

FALSTAFF        He a good wit? hang him, baboon! his wit's as thick
        as Tewksbury mustard; there's no more conceit in him
        than is in a mallet.

FALSTAFF        Because their legs are both of a bigness, and a'
        plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel,
        and drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons, and
        rides the wild-mare with the boys, and jumps upon
        joined-stools, and swears with a good grace, and

wears his boots very smooth, like unto the sign of the leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet stories; and such other gambol faculties a' has, that show a weak mind and an able body, for the which the prince admits him: for the prince himself is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.

clawed like a parrot.

POINS

Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?

FALSTAFF        Kiss me, Doll.

says the almanac to that?

POINS

And look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not lisping to his master's old tables, his note-book, his counsel-keeper.

FALSTAFF        Thou dost give me flattering busses.

DOLL TEARSHEET  By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

FALSTAFF        I am old, I am old.

boy of them all.

FALSTAFF        What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive
        money o' Thursday: shalt have a cap to-morrow. A
        merry song, come: it grows late; we'll to bed.
        Thou'lt forget me when I am gone.

sayest so: prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return: well, harken at the end.

FALSTAFF        Some sack, Francis.

| Anon, anon, sir.

[Coming forward]

FALSTAFF        Ha! a bastard son of the king's? And art not thou
        Poins his brother?

dost thou lead!

FALSTAFF        A better than thou: I am a gentleman; thou art a drawer.

PRINCE HENRY    Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out by the ears.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        O, the Lord preserve thy good grace! by my troth,
        welcome to London. Now, the Lord bless that sweet
        face of thine! O, Jesu, are you come from Wales?

FALSTAFF        Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light
        flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

POINS

My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

speak of me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman!

MISTRESS QUICKLY        God's blessing of your good heart! and so she is,
        by my troth.

FALSTAFF        Didst thou hear me?

by Gad's-hill: you knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose to try my patience.

FALSTAFF        No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast within hearing.

and then I know how to handle you.

FALSTAFF        No abuse, Hal, o' mine honour, no abuse.

bread-chipper and I know not what?

FALSTAFF        No abuse, Hal.

POINS   No abuse?

FALSTAFF        No abuse, Ned, i' the world; honest Ned, none. I
        dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked
        might not fall in love with him; in which doing, I
        have done the part of a careful friend and a true
        subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it.

No abuse, Hal: none, Ned, none: no, faith, boys, none.

not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us? is she of the wicked? is thine
hostess here of the wicked? or is thy boy of the wicked? or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?

POINS   Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

FALSTAFF        The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable;
        and his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where he
        doth nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy,
        there is a good angel about him; but the devil
        outbids him too.

PRINCE HENRY    For the women?

FALSTAFF        For one of them, she is in hell already, and burns
        poor souls. For the other, I owe her money, and
        whether she be damned for that, I know not.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        No, I warrant you.

FALSTAFF        No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for
        that. Marry, there is another indictment upon thee,
        for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house,
        contrary to the law; for the which I think thou wilt howl.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        All victuallers do so; what's a joint of mutton or
        two in a whole Lent?

FALSTAFF        His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.

[Knocking within]

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Who knocks so loud at door? Look to the door there, Francis.

[Enter PETO]

PETO

The king your father is at Westminster:
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts Come from the north: and, as I came along, I met and overtook a dozen captains, Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns, And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff.

So idly to profane the precious time,
When tempest of commotion, like the south
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
And drop upon our bare unarmed heads.
Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night.
[Exeunt PRINCE HENRY, POINS, PETO and BARDOLPH]

FALSTAFF        Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and
        we must hence and leave it unpicked.

[Knocking within]
More knocking at the door!
[Re-enter BARDOLPH]
How now! what's the matter?

BARDOLPH        You must away to court, sir, presently;
        A dozen captains stay at door for you.

FALSTAFF        [To the Page]  Pay the musicians, sirrah. Farewell,
        hostess; farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches,
        how men of merit are sought after: the undeserver
        may sleep, when the man of action is called on.
        Farewell good wenches: if I be not sent away post,

I will see you again ere I go.

well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

FALSTAFF        Farewell, farewell.

[Exeunt FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH]

MISTRESS QUICKLY        Well, fare thee well: I have known thee these
        twenty-nine years, come peascod-time; but an
        honester and truer-hearted man,--well, fare thee well.

BARDOLPH        [Within]  Mistress Tearsheet!

MISTRESS QUICKLY        What's the matter?

BARDOLPH        [Within]  Good Mistress Tearsheet, come to my master.

MISTRESS QUICKLY        O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll: come.

[She comes blubbered]
Yea, will you come, Doll?
[Exeunt]
2 KING HENRY IV

[Enter KING HENRY IV in his nightgown, with a Page]

But, ere they come, bid them o'er-read these letters, And well consider of them; make good speed.
[Exit Page]
How many thousand of my poorest subjects
Are at this hour asleep! O sleep, O gentle sleep, Nature's soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down
And steep my senses in forgetfulness?
Why rather, sleep, liest thou in smoky cribs,
Upon uneasy pallets stretching thee
And hush'd with buzzing night-flies to thy slumber, Than in the perfumed chambers of the great,
Under the canopies of costly state,
And lull'd with sound of sweetest melody?
O thou dull god, why liest thou with the vile
In loathsome beds, and leavest the kingly couch A watch-case or a common 'larum-bell?
Wilt thou upon the high and giddy mast
Seal up the ship-boy's eyes, and rock his brains In cradle of the rude imperious surge
And in the visitation of the winds,
Who take the ruffian billows by the top,
Curling their monstrous heads and hanging them
With deafening clamour in the slippery clouds,
That, with the hurly, death itself awakes?
Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose
To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude,
And in the calmest and most stillest night,
With all appliances and means to boot,
Deny it to a king? Then happy low, lie down!
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
[Enter WARWICK and SURREY]

Have you read o'er the letters that I sent you?

How foul it is; what rank diseases grow
And with what danger, near the heart of it.

WARWICK

It is but as a body yet distemper'd;
Which to his former strength may be restored With good advice and little medicine: My Lord Northumberland will soon be cool'd.

And see the revolution of the times
Make mountains level, and the continent,
Weary of solid firmness, melt itself
Into the sea! and, other times, to see
The beachy girdle of the ocean
Too wide for Neptune's hips; how chances mock,
And changes fill the cup of alteration
With divers liquors! O, if this were seen,
The happiest youth, viewing his progress through, What perils past, what crosses to ensue,
Would shut the book, and sit him down and die.
'Tis not 'ten years gone
Since Richard and Northumberland, great friends, Did feast together, and in two years after
Were they at wars: it is but eight years since
This Percy was the man nearest my soul,
Who like a brother toil'd in my affairs
And laid his love and life under my foot,
Yea, for my sake, even to the eyes of Richard
Gave him defiance. But which of you was by--
You, cousin Nevil, as I may remember--
[To WARWICK]
When Richard, with his eye brimful of tears,
Then cheque'd and rated by Northumberland,
Did speak these words, now proved a prophecy?
'Northumberland, thou ladder by the which
My cousin Bolingbroke ascends my throne;'
Though then, God knows, I had no such intent,
But that necessity so bow'd the state
That I and greatness were compell'd to kiss:
'The time shall come,' thus did he follow it,
'The time will come, that foul sin, gathering head, Shall break into corruption:' so went on,
Foretelling this same time's condition
And the division of our amity.

WARWICK

There is a history in all men's lives,
Figuring the nature of the times deceased; The which observed, a man may prophesy, With a near aim, of the main chance of things As yet not come to life, which in their seeds And weak beginnings lie intreasured. Such things become the hatch and brood of time; And by the necessary form of this King Richard might create a perfect guess That great Northumberland, then false to him, Would of that seed grow to a greater falseness; Which should not find a ground to root upon, Unless on you.

KING HENRY IV                     Are these things then necessities?
        Then let us meet them like necessities:
        And that same word even now cries out on us:
        They say the bishop and Northumberland
        Are fifty thousand strong.

WARWICK

It cannot be, my lord;
Rumour doth double, like the voice and echo, The numbers of the fear'd. Please it your grace To go to bed. Upon my soul, my lord, The powers that you already have sent forth Shall bring this prize in very easily. To comfort you the more, I have received A certain instance that Glendower is dead. Your majesty hath been this fortnight ill, And these unseason'd hours perforce must add Unto your sickness.

And were these inward wars once out of hand,
We would, dear lords, unto the Holy Land.
[Exeunt]
2 KING HENRY IV

SCENE II        Gloucestershire. Before SHALLOW'S house.

[Enter SHALLOW and SILENCE, meeting; MOULDY,
SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE, BULLCALF, a Servant or two with them]

SHALLOW

Come on, come on, come on, sir; give me your hand, sir, give me your hand, sir: an early stirrer, by the rood! And how doth my good cousin Silence?

SHALLOW

And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow? and your fairest daughter and mine, my god-daughter Ellen?

SHALLOW

By yea and nay, sir, I dare say my cousin William is become a good scholar: he is at Oxford still, is he not?

SHALLOW

A' must, then, to the inns o' court shortly. I was once of Clement's Inn, where I think they will talk of mad Shallow yet.

SHALLOW

By the mass, I was called any thing; and I would have done any thing indeed too, and roundly too. There was I, and little John Doit of Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, and Francis Pickbone, and Will Squele, a Cotswold man; you had not four such swinge-bucklers in all the inns o' court again: and I may say to you, we knew where the bona-robas were and had the best of them all at commandment. Then was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.

SHALLOW

The same Sir John, the very same. I see him break Skogan's head at the court-gate, when a' was a crack not thus high: and the very same day did I fight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind Gray's Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad days that I have spent! and to see how many of my old acquaintance are dead!

SHADOW

Certain, 'tis certain; very sure, very sure: death, as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shall die. How a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?

SHALLOW

Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living yet?

SHALLOW

Jesu, Jesu, dead! a' drew a good bow; and dead! a' shot a fine shoot: John a Gaunt loved him well, and betted much money on his head. Dead! a' would have clapped i' the clout at twelve score; and carried you a forehand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and a half, that it would have done a man's heart good to see. How a score of ewes now?

SILENCE

Thereafter as they be: a score of good ewes may be worth ten pounds.

[Enter BARDOLPH and one with him]

BARDOLPH        Good morrow, honest gentlemen: I beseech you, which
        is Justice Shallow?

SHALLOW

I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire of this county, and one of the king's justices of the peace: What is your good pleasure with me?

BARDOLPH        My captain, sir, commends him to you; my captain,
        Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman, by heaven, and
        a most gallant leader.

SHALLOW

He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword man. How doth the good knight? may I ask how my lady his wife doth?

BARDOLPH        Sir, pardon; a soldier is better accommodated than
        with a wife.

SHALLOW

It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said indeed too. Better accommodated! it is good; yea, indeed, is it: good phrases are surely, and ever were, very commendable. Accommodated! it comes of 'accommodo' very good; a good phrase.

BARDOLPH        Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word. Phrase call
        you it? by this good day, I know not the phrase;
        but I will maintain the word with my sword to be a
        soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good
        command, by heaven. Accommodated; that is, when a

man is, as they say, accommodated; or when a man is, being, whereby a' may be thought to be accommodated; which is an excellent thing.

[Enter FALSTAFF]
Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good hand, give me your worship's good hand: by my
troth, you like well and bear your years very well: welcome, good Sir John.

FALSTAFF        I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert
        Shallow: Master Surecard, as I think?

FALSTAFF        Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of
        the peace.

FALSTAFF        Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you
        provided me here half a dozen sufficient men?

FALSTAFF        Let me see them, I beseech you.

SHALLOW

Where's the roll? where's the roll? where's the roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so: yea, marry, sir: Ralph Mouldy! Let them appear as I call; let them do so, let them do so. Let me see; where is Mouldy?

SHALLOW

What think you, Sir John? a good-limbed fellow; young, strong, and of good friends.

FALSTAFF        Is thy name Mouldy?

MOULDY  Yea, an't please you.

FALSTAFF        'Tis the more time thou wert used.

SHALLOW

Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i' faith! Things that are mouldy lack use: very singular good! in faith, well said, Sir John, very well said.

FALSTAFF        Prick him.

MOULDY

I was pricked well enough before, an you could have let me alone: my old dame will be undone now for one to do her husbandry and her drudgery: you need not to have pricked me; there are other men fitter to go out than I.

FALSTAFF        Go to: peace, Mouldy; you shall go. Mouldy, it is
        time you were spent.

SHALLOW

Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside: know you where you are? For the other, Sir John: let me see: Simon Shadow!

FALSTAFF        Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under: he's like
        to be a cold soldier.

FALSTAFF        Shadow, whose son art thou?

SHADOW  My mother's son, sir.

FALSTAFF        Thy mother's son! like enough, and thy father's
        shadow: so the son of the female is the shadow of
        the male: it is often so, indeed; but much of the
        father's substance!

FALSTAFF        Shadow will serve for summer; prick him, for we have
        a number of shadows to fill up the muster-book.

FALSTAFF        Where's he?

WART    Here, sir.

FALSTAFF        Is thy name Wart?

WART    Yea, sir.

FALSTAFF        Thou art a very ragged wart.

SHALLOW Shall I prick him down, Sir John?

FALSTAFF        It were superfluous; for his apparel is built upon
        his back and the whole frame stands upon pins:
        prick him no more.

SHALLOW

Ha, ha, ha! you can do it, sir; you can do it: I commend you well. Francis Feeble!

FALSTAFF        What trade art thou, Feeble?

FALSTAFF        You may: but if he had been a man's tailor, he'ld
        ha' pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes in
        an enemy's battle as thou hast done in a woman's petticoat?

FALSTAFF        Well said, good woman's tailor! well said,
        courageous Feeble! thou wilt be as valiant as the
        wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick the
        woman's tailor: well, Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow.

FALSTAFF        I would thou wert a man's tailor, that thou mightst
        mend him and make him fit to go. I cannot put him
        to a private soldier that is the leader of so many
        thousands: let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.

FALSTAFF        I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble. Who is next?

SHALLOW Peter Bullcalf o' the green!

FALSTAFF        Yea, marry, let's see Bullcalf.

BULLCALF        Here, sir.

FALSTAFF        'Fore God, a likely fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf
        till he roar again.

BULLCALF        O Lord! good my lord captain,--

FALSTAFF        What, dost thou roar before thou art pricked?

BULLCALF        O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man.

FALSTAFF        What disease hast thou?

BULLCALF        A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught
        with ringing in the king's affairs upon his
        coronation-day, sir.

FALSTAFF        Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown; we wilt
        have away thy cold; and I will take such order that
        my friends shall ring for thee. Is here all?

SHALLOW

Here is two more called than your number, you must have but four here, sir: and so, I pray you, go in with me to dinner.

FALSTAFF        Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry
        dinner. I am glad to see you, by my troth, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the windmill in Saint George's field?

FALSTAFF        No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of that.

SHALLOW Ha! 'twas a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork alive?

FALSTAFF        She lives, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW She never could away with me.

FALSTAFF        Never, never; she would always say she could not
        abide Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

By the mass, I could anger her to the heart. She was then a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well?

FALSTAFF        Old, old, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose but be old; certain she's old; and had Robin Nightwork by old Nightwork before I came to Clement's Inn.

SHALLOW

Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?

FALSTAFF        We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith, Sir John, we have: our watch-word was 'Hem boys!' Come, let's to dinner; come, let's to dinner: Jesus, the days that we have seen! Come, come.

[Exeunt FALSTAFF and Justices]

BULLCALF        Good Master Corporate Bardolph, stand my friend;
        and here's four Harry ten shillings in French crowns
        for you. In very truth, sir, I had as lief be
        hanged, sir, as go: and yet, for mine own part, sir,
        I do not care; but rather, because I am unwilling,

and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with my friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine own part, so much.

BARDOLPH        Go to; stand aside.

MOULDY

And, good master corporal captain, for my old
dame's sake, stand my friend: she has nobody to do any thing about her when I am gone; and she is old, and cannot help herself: You shall have forty, sir.

BARDOLPH        Go to; stand aside.

FEEBLE

By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once: we owe God a death: I'll ne'er bear a base mind: an't be my destiny, so; an't be not, so: no man is too good to serve's prince; and let it go which way it will, he that dies this year is quit for the next.

BARDOLPH        Well said; thou'rt a good fellow.

[Re-enter FALSTAFF and the Justices]

FALSTAFF        Come, sir, which men shall I have?

SHALLOW Four of which you please.

BARDOLPH        Sir, a word with you: I have three pound to free
        Mouldy and Bullcalf.

FALSTAFF        Go to; well.

SHALLOW Come, Sir John, which four will you have?

FALSTAFF        Do you choose for me.

SHALLOW Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble and Shadow.

FALSTAFF        Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at home
        till you are past service: and for your part,
        Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it: I will none of you.

SHALLOW

Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong: they are your likeliest men, and I would have you served with the best.

FALSTAFF        Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a
        man? Care I for the limb, the thewes, the stature,
        bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me the
        spirit, Master Shallow. Here's Wart; you see what a
        ragged appearance it is; a' shall charge you and

discharge you with the motion of a pewterer's
hammer, come off and on swifter than he that gibbets on the brewer's bucket. And this same half-faced fellow, Shadow; give me this man: he presents no mark to the enemy; the foeman may with as great aim level at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat; how swiftly will this Feeble the woman's tailor run off! O, give me the spare men, and spare me the great ones. Put me a caliver into Wart's hand, Bardolph.

BARDOLPH        Hold, Wart, traverse; thus, thus, thus.

        to: very good, exceeding good. O, give me always a
        little, lean, old, chapt, bald shot. Well said, i'
        faith, Wart; thou'rt a good scab: hold, there's a
        tester for thee.

SHALLOW

He is not his craft's master; he doth not do it right. I remember at Mile-end Green, when I lay at Clement's Inn--I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur's show,--there was a little quiver fellow, and a' would manage you his piece thus; and a' would about and about, and come you in and come you in: 'rah, tah, tah,' would a' say; 'bounce' would a' say; and away again would a' go, and again would a' come: I shall ne'er see such a fellow.

FALSTAFF        These fellows will do well, Master Shallow. God
        keep you, Master Silence: I will not use many words
        with you. Fare you well, gentlemen both: I thank
        you: I must a dozen mile to-night. Bardolph, give
        the soldiers coats.

SHALLOW

Sir John, the Lord bless you! God prosper your
affairs! God send us peace! At your return visit our house; let our old acquaintance be renewed; peradventure I will with ye to the court.

FALSTAFF        'Fore God, I would you would, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW Go to; I have spoke at a word. God keep you.

FALSTAFF        Fare you well, gentle gentlemen.

[Exeunt Justices]
On, Bardolph; lead the men away.
[Exeunt BARDOLPH, Recruits, &c]
As I return, I will fetch off these justices: I do see the bottom of Justice Shallow. Lord, Lord, how subject we old men are to this vice of lying! This same starved justice hath done nothing but prate to me of the wildness of his youth, and the feats he hath done about Turnbull Street: and every third word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turk's tribute. I do remember him at Clement's Inn like a man made after supper of a cheese-paring: when a' was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife: a' was so forlorn, that his
dimensions to any thick sight were invincible: a' was the very genius of famine; yet lecherous as a monkey, and the whores called him mandrake: a' came ever in the rearward of the fashion, and sung those tunes to the overscutched huswives that he heard the carmen whistle, and swear they were his fancies or his good-nights. And now is this Vice's dagger
become a squire, and talks as familiarly of John a Gaunt as if he had been sworn brother to him; and I'll be sworn a' ne'er saw him but once in the
Tilt-yard; and then he burst his head for crowding among the marshal's men. I saw it, and told John a Gaunt he beat his own name; for you might have
thrust him and all his apparel into an eel-skin; the case of a treble hautboy was a mansion for him, a court: and now has he land and beefs. Well, I'll be acquainted with him, if I return; and it shall go hard but I will make him a philosopher's two stones to me: if the young dace be a bait for the old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but I may snap at him. Let time shape, and there an end.
[Exit]
2 KING HENRY IV

[Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK, MOWBRAY, LORD
HASTINGS, and others]

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      What is this forest call'd?

HASTINGS        'Tis Gaultree Forest, an't shall please your grace.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      Here stand, my lords; and send discoverers forth
        To know the numbers of our enemies.

HASTINGS        We have sent forth already.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      'Tis well done.
        My friends and brethren in these great affairs,
        I must acquaint you that I have received
        New-dated letters from Northumberland;
        Their cold intent, tenor and substance, thus:

Here doth he wish his person, with such powers
As might hold sortance with his quality,
The which he could not levy; whereupon
He is retired, to ripe his growing fortunes,
To Scotland: and concludes in hearty prayers
That your attempts may overlive the hazard
And fearful melting of their opposite.

MOWBRAY

Thus do the hopes we have in him touch ground
And dash themselves to pieces.

[Enter a Messenger]

HASTINGS        Now, what news?

Messenger       West of this forest, scarcely off a mile,
        In goodly form comes on the enemy;
        And, by the ground they hide, I judge their number
        Upon or near the rate of thirty thousand.

MOWBRAY

The just proportion that we gave them out
Let us sway on and face them in the field.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      What well-appointed leader fronts us here?

[Enter WESTMORELAND]

The prince, Lord John and Duke of Lancaster.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      Say on, my Lord of Westmoreland, in peace:
        What doth concern your coming?

Unto your grace do I in chief address
The substance of my speech. If that rebellion
Came like itself, in base and abject routs,
Led on by bloody youth, guarded with rags,
And countenanced by boys and beggary,
I say, if damn'd commotion so appear'd,
In his true, native and most proper shape,
You, reverend father, and these noble lords
Had not been here, to dress the ugly form
Of base and bloody insurrection
With your fair honours. You, lord archbishop,
Whose see is by a civil peace maintained,
Whose beard the silver hand of peace hath touch'd, Whose learning and good letters peace hath tutor'd, Whose white investments figure innocence,
The dove and very blessed spirit of peace,
Wherefore do you so ill translate ourself
Out of the speech of peace that bears such grace, Into the harsh and boisterous tongue of war;
Turning your books to graves, your ink to blood, Your pens to lances and your tongue divine
To a trumpet and a point of war?

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      Wherefore do I this? so the question stands.
        Briefly to this end: we are all diseased,
        And with our surfeiting and wanton hours
        Have brought ourselves into a burning fever,
        And we must bleed for it; of which disease

Our late king, Richard, being infected, died.
But, my most noble Lord of Westmoreland,
I take not on me here as a physician,
Nor do I as an enemy to peace
Troop in the throngs of military men;
But rather show awhile like fearful war,
To diet rank minds sick of happiness
And purge the obstructions which begin to stop
Our very veins of life. Hear me more plainly.
I have in equal balance justly weigh'd
What wrongs our arms may do, what wrongs we suffer, And find our griefs heavier than our offences.
We see which way the stream of time doth run,
And are enforced from our most quiet there
By the rough torrent of occasion;
And have the summary of all our griefs,
When time shall serve, to show in articles;
Which long ere this we offer'd to the king,
And might by no suit gain our audience:
When we are wrong'd and would unfold our griefs, We are denied access unto his person
Even by those men that most have done us wrong. The dangers of the days but newly gone,
Whose memory is written on the earth
With yet appearing blood, and the examples
Of every minute's instance, present now,
Hath put us in these ill-beseeming arms,
Not to break peace or any branch of it,
But to establish here a peace indeed,
Concurring both in name and quality.

Wherein have you been galled by the king?
What peer hath been suborn'd to grate on you,
That you should seal this lawless bloody book
Of forged rebellion with a seal divine
And consecrate commotion's bitter edge?

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK      My brother general, the commonwealth,
        To brother born an household cruelty,
        I make my quarrel in particular.