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TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
DEIPHOBUS |
|
HELENUS |
MARGARELON a bastard son of Priam.
PANDARUS uncle to Cressida.
AGAMEMNON the Grecian general.
MENELAUS his brother.
ACHILLES |
|
DIOMEDES |
|
PATROCLUS |
THERSITES a deformed and scurrilous Grecian.
ALEXANDER servant to Cressida.
Servant to Troilus. (Boy:)
Servant to Paris.
Servant to Diomedes. (Servant:)
HELEN wife to Menelaus. ANDROMACHE wife to Hector. CASSANDRA daughter to Priam, a prophetess. CRESSIDA daughter to Calchas.
Trojan and Greek Soldiers, and Attendants.
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
PROLOGUE
In Troy, there lies the scene. From isles of Greece The princes orgulous, their high blood chafed, Have to the port of Athens sent their ships, Fraught with the ministers and instruments
Of cruel war: sixty and nine, that wore
Their crownets regal, from the Athenian bay Put forth toward Phrygia; and their vow is made To ransack Troy, within whose strong immures The ravish'd Helen, Menelaus' queen,
With wanton Paris sleeps; and that's the quarrel. To Tenedos they come;
And the deep-drawing barks do there disgorge Their warlike fraughtage: now on Dardan plains The fresh and yet unbruised Greeks do pitch Their brave pavilions: Priam's six-gated city, Dardan, and Tymbria, Helias, Chetas, Troien, And Antenorides, with massy staples
And corresponsive and fulfilling bolts,
Sperr up the sons of Troy.
Now expectation, tickling skittish spirits, On one and other side, Trojan and Greek,
Sets all on hazard: and hither am I come
A prologue arm'd, but not in confidence
Of author's pen or actor's voice, but suited In like conditions as our argument,
To tell you, fair beholders, that our play
Leaps o'er the vaunt and firstlings of those broils, Beginning in the middle, starting thence away To what may be digested in a play.
Like or find fault; do as your pleasures are: Now good or bad, 'tis but the chance of war.
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
[Enter TROILUS armed, and PANDARUS]
PANDARUS Will this gear ne'er be mended?
PANDARUS Well, I have told you enough of this: for my part,
I'll not meddle nor make no further. He that will
have a cake out of the wheat must needs tarry the grinding.
TROILUS Have I not tarried?
PANDARUS Ay, the grinding; but you must tarry
the bolting.
TROILUS Have I not tarried?
PANDARUS Ay, the bolting, but you must tarry the leavening.
TROILUS Still have I tarried.
PANDARUS Ay, to the leavening; but here's yet in the word
'hereafter' the kneading, the making of the cake, the
heating of the oven and the baking; nay, you must
stay the cooling too, or you may chance to burn your lips.
PANDARUS Well, she looked yesternight fairer than ever I saw
her look, or any woman else.
PANDARUS An her hair were not somewhat darker than Helen's--
well, go to--there were no more comparison between
the women: but, for my part, she is my kinswoman; I
would not, as they term it, praise her: but I would
somebody had heard her talk yesterday, as I did. I
will not dispraise your sister Cassandra's wit, but--
PANDARUS I speak no more than truth.
TROILUS Thou dost not speak so much.
PANDARUS Faith, I'll not meddle in't. Let her be as she is:
if she be fair, 'tis the better for her; an she be
not, she has the mends in her own hands.
TROILUS Good Pandarus, how now, Pandarus!
PANDARUS I have had my labour for my travail; ill-thought on of
her and ill-thought on of you; gone between and
between, but small thanks for my labour.
TROILUS What, art thou angry, Pandarus? what, with me?
PANDARUS Because she's kin to me, therefore she's not so fair
as Helen: an she were not kin to me, she would be as
fair on Friday as Helen is on Sunday. But what care
I? I care not an she were a black-a-moor; 'tis all one to me.
TROILUS Say I she is not fair?
PANDARUS I do not care whether you do or no. She's a fool to
stay behind her father; let her to the Greeks; and so
I'll tell her the next time I see her: for my part,
I'll meddle nor make no more i' the matter.
TROILUS Pandarus,--
PANDARUS Not I.
TROILUS Sweet Pandarus,--
PANDARUS Pray you, speak no more to me: I will leave all as I
found it, and there an end.
[Exit PANDARUS. An alarum]
[Alarum. Enter AENEAS]
AENEAS Troilus, by Menelaus.
[Alarum]
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE II The Same. A street.
[Enter CRESSIDA and ALEXANDER]
CRESSIDA Who were those went by?
ALEXANDER Queen Hecuba and Helen.
CRESSIDA And whither go they?
ALEXANDER Up to the eastern tower,
Whose height commands as subject all the vale,
To see the battle. Hector, whose patience
Is, as a virtue, fix'd, to-day was moved:
He chid Andromache and struck his armourer,
And, like as there were husbandry in war,
Before the sun rose he was harness'd light, And to the field goes he; where every flower Did, as a prophet, weep what it foresaw
In Hector's wrath.
CRESSIDA What was his cause of anger?
ALEXANDER The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks
A lord of Trojan blood, nephew to Hector;
They call him Ajax.
CRESSIDA Good; and what of him?
ALEXANDER They say he is a very man per se,
And stands alone.
CRESSIDA So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.
ALEXANDER This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their
particular additions; he is as valiant as the lion,
churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant: a man
into whom nature hath so crowded humours that his
valour is crushed into folly, his folly sauced with
discretion: there is no man hath a virtue that he hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he carries some stain of it: he is melancholy without cause, and merry against the hair: he hath the joints of every thing, but everything so out of joint that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use, or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight.
CRESSIDA But how should this man, that makes
me smile, make Hector angry?
ALEXANDER They say he yesterday coped Hector in the battle and
struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath
ever since kept Hector fasting and waking.
CRESSIDA Who comes here?
ALEXANDER Madam, your uncle Pandarus.
[Enter PANDARUS]
CRESSIDA Hector's a gallant man.
ALEXANDER As may be in the world, lady.
PANDARUS What's that? what's that?
CRESSIDA Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.
PANDARUS Good morrow, cousin Cressid: what do you talk of?
Good morrow, Alexander. How do you, cousin? When
were you at Ilium?
CRESSIDA This morning, uncle.
PANDARUS What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector
armed and gone ere ye came to Ilium? Helen was not
up, was she?
CRESSIDA Hector was gone, but Helen was not up.
PANDARUS Even so: Hector was stirring early.
CRESSIDA That were we talking of, and of his anger.
PANDARUS Was he angry?
CRESSIDA So he says here.
PANDARUS True, he was so: I know the cause too: he'll lay
about him to-day, I can tell them that: and there's
Troilus will not come far behind him: let them take
heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too.
CRESSIDA What, is he angry too?
PANDARUS Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.
CRESSIDA O Jupiter! there's no comparison.
PANDARUS What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a
man if you see him?
CRESSIDA Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.
PANDARUS Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.
CRESSIDA Then you say as I say; for, I am sure, he is not Hector.
PANDARUS No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.
CRESSIDA 'Tis just to each of them; he is himself.
PANDARUS Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were.
CRESSIDA So he is.
PANDARUS Condition, I had gone barefoot to India.
CRESSIDA He is not Hector.
PANDARUS Himself! no, he's not himself: would a' were
himself! Well, the gods are above; time must friend
or end: well, Troilus, well: I would my heart were
in her body. No, Hector is not a better man than Troilus.
CRESSIDA Excuse me.
PANDARUS He is elder.
CRESSIDA Pardon me, pardon me.
PANDARUS Th' other's not come to't; you shall tell me another
tale, when th' other's come to't. Hector shall not
have his wit this year.
CRESSIDA He shall not need it, if he have his own.
PANDARUS Nor his qualities.
CRESSIDA No matter.
PANDARUS Nor his beauty.
CRESSIDA 'Twould not become him; his own's better.
PANDARUS You have no judgment, niece: Helen
herself swore th' other day, that Troilus, for
a brown favour--for so 'tis, I must confess,--
not brown neither,--
CRESSIDA No, but brown.
PANDARUS 'Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.
CRESSIDA To say the truth, true and not true.
PANDARUS She praised his complexion above Paris.
CRESSIDA Why, Paris hath colour enough.
PANDARUS So he has.
CRESSIDA Then Troilus should have too much: if she praised
him above, his complexion is higher than his; he
having colour enough, and the other higher, is too
flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as
lief Helen's golden tongue had commended Troilus for
a copper nose.
PANDARUS I swear to you. I think Helen loves him better than Paris.
CRESSIDA Then she's a merry Greek indeed.
PANDARUS Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th' other
day into the compassed window,--and, you know, he
has not past three or four hairs on his chin,--
CRESSIDA Indeed, a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his
particulars therein to a total.
PANDARUS Why, he is very young: and yet will he, within
three pound, lift as much as his brother Hector.
CRESSIDA Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?
PANDARUS But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came
and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin--
CRESSIDA Juno have mercy! how came it cloven?
PANDARUS Why, you know 'tis dimpled: I think his smiling
becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia.
CRESSIDA O, he smiles valiantly.
PANDARUS Does he not?
CRESSIDA O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn.
PANDARUS Why, go to, then: but to prove to you that Helen
loves Troilus,--
CRESSIDA Troilus will stand to the proof, if you'll
prove it so.
PANDARUS Troilus! why, he esteems her no more than I esteem
an addle egg.
CRESSIDA If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle
head, you would eat chickens i' the shell.
PANDARUS I cannot choose but laugh, to think how she tickled
his chin: indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I
must needs confess,--
CRESSIDA Without the rack.
PANDARUS And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin.
CRESSIDA Alas, poor chin! many a wart is richer.
PANDARUS But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laughed
that her eyes ran o'er.
CRESSIDA With mill-stones.
PANDARUS And Cassandra laughed.
CRESSIDA But there was more temperate fire under the pot of
her eyes: did her eyes run o'er too?
PANDARUS And Hector laughed.
CRESSIDA At what was all this laughing?
PANDARUS Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus' chin.
CRESSIDA An't had been a green hair, I should have laughed
too.
PANDARUS They laughed not so much at the hair as at his pretty answer.
CRESSIDA What was his answer?
PANDARUS Quoth she, 'Here's but two and fifty hairs on your
chin, and one of them is white.
CRESSIDA This is her question.
PANDARUS That's true; make no question of that. 'Two and
fifty hairs' quoth he, 'and one white: that white
hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons.'
'Jupiter!' quoth she, 'which of these hairs is Paris,
my husband? 'The forked one,' quoth he, 'pluck't
out, and give it him.' But there was such laughing! and Helen so blushed, an Paris so chafed, and all the rest so laughed, that it passed.
CRESSIDA So let it now; for it has been while going by.
PANDARUS Well, cousin. I told you a thing yesterday; think on't.
CRESSIDA So I do.
PANDARUS I'll be sworn 'tis true; he will weep you, an 'twere
a man born in April.
CRESSIDA And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle
against May.
[A retreat sounded]
PANDARUS Hark! they are coming from the field: shall we
stand up here, and see them as they pass toward
Ilium? good niece, do, sweet niece Cressida.
CRESSIDA At your pleasure.
PANDARUS Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we may
see most bravely: I'll tell you them all by their
names as they pass by; but mark Troilus above the rest.
CRESSIDA Speak not so loud.
[AENEAS passes]
PANDARUS That's AEneas: is not that a brave man? he's one of
the flowers of Troy, I can tell you: but mark
Troilus; you shall see anon.
[ANTENOR passes]
CRESSIDA Who's that?
PANDARUS That's Antenor: he has a shrewd wit, I can tell you;
and he's a man good enough, he's one o' the soundest
judgments in whosoever, and a proper man of person.
When comes Troilus? I'll show you Troilus anon: if
he see me, you shall see him nod at me.
CRESSIDA Will he give you the nod?
PANDARUS You shall see.
CRESSIDA If he do, the rich shall have more.
[HECTOR passes]
PANDARUS That's Hector, that, that, look you, that; there's a
fellow! Go thy way, Hector! There's a brave man,
niece. O brave Hector! Look how he looks! there's
a countenance! is't not a brave man?
CRESSIDA O, a brave man!
PANDARUS Is a' not? it does a man's heart good. Look you
what hacks are on his helmet! look you yonder, do
you see? look you there: there's no jesting;
there's laying on, take't off who will, as they say:
there be hacks!
CRESSIDA Be those with swords?
PANDARUS Swords! any thing, he cares not; an the devil come
to him, it's all one: by God's lid, it does one's
heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris.
[PARIS passes]
Look ye yonder, niece; is't not a gallant man too, is't not? Why, this is brave now. Who said he came hurt home to-day? he's not hurt: why, this will do Helen's heart good now, ha! Would I could see Troilus now! You shall see Troilus anon.
[HELENUS passes]
CRESSIDA Who's that?
PANDARUS That's Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That's
Helenus. I think he went not forth to-day. That's Helenus.
CRESSIDA Can Helenus fight, uncle?
PANDARUS Helenus? no. Yes, he'll fight indifferent well. I
marvel where Troilus is. Hark! do you not hear the
people cry 'Troilus'? Helenus is a priest.
CRESSIDA What sneaking fellow comes yonder?
[TROILUS passes]
PANDARUS Where? yonder? that's Deiphobus. 'Tis Troilus!
there's a man, niece! Hem! Brave Troilus! the
prince of chivalry!
CRESSIDA Peace, for shame, peace!
PANDARUS Mark him; note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon
him, niece: look you how his sword is bloodied, and
his helm more hacked than Hector's, and how he looks,
and how he goes! O admirable youth! he ne'er saw
three and twenty. Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way!
Had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess, he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris? Paris is dirt to him; and, I warrant, Helen, to change, would give an eye to boot.
CRESSIDA Here come more.
[Forces pass]
PANDARUS Asses, fools, dolts! chaff and bran, chaff and bran!
porridge after meat! I could live and die i' the
eyes of Troilus. Ne'er look, ne'er look: the eagles
are gone: crows and daws, crows and daws! I had
rather be such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and
all Greece.
CRESSIDA There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better man than Troilus.
PANDARUS Achilles! a drayman, a porter, a very camel.
CRESSIDA Well, well.
PANDARUS 'Well, well!' why, have you any discretion? have
you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not
birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood,
learning, gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality,
and such like, the spice and salt that season a man?
CRESSIDA Ay, a minced man: and then to be baked with no date
in the pie, for then the man's date's out.
PANDARUS You are such a woman! one knows not at what ward you
lie.
CRESSIDA Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to
defend my wiles; upon my secrecy, to defend mine
honesty; my mask, to defend my beauty; and you, to
defend all these: and at all these wards I lie, at a
thousand watches.
PANDARUS Say one of your watches.
CRESSIDA Nay, I'll watch you for that; and that's one of the
chiefest of them too: if I cannot ward what I would
not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took
the blow; unless it swell past hiding, and then it's
past watching.
PANDARUS You are such another!
[Enter Troilus's Boy]
Boy Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you. PANDARUS Where? Boy At your own house; there he unarms him. PANDARUS Good boy, tell him I come.
[Exit boy]
I doubt he be hurt. Fare ye well, good niece.
CRESSIDA Adieu, uncle. PANDARUS I'll be with you, niece, by and by. CRESSIDA To bring, uncle? PANDARUS Ay, a token from Troilus. CRESSIDA By the same token, you are a bawd.
[Exit PANDARUS]
Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love's full sacrifice, He offers in another's enterprise;
But more in Troilus thousand fold I see
Than in the glass of Pandar's praise may be; Yet hold I off. Women are angels, wooing:
Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing. That she beloved knows nought that knows not this: Men prize the thing ungain'd more than it is: That she was never yet that ever knew
Love got so sweet as when desire did sue.
Therefore this maxim out of love I teach:
Achievement is command; ungain'd, beseech:
Then though my heart's content firm love doth bear, Nothing of that shall from mine eyes appear.
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE III The Grecian camp. Before Agamemnon's tent.
[Sennet. Enter AGAMEMNON, NESTOR, ULYSSES,
MENELAUS, and others]
AGAMEMNON Princes,
What grief hath set the jaundice on your cheeks?
The ample proposition that hope makes
In all designs begun on earth below
Fails in the promised largeness: cheques and disasters
Grow in the veins of actions highest rear'd, As knots, by the conflux of meeting sap,
Infect the sound pine and divert his grain
Tortive and errant from his course of growth. Nor, princes, is it matter new to us
That we come short of our suppose so far
That after seven years' siege yet Troy walls stand; Sith every action that hath gone before,
Whereof we have record, trial did draw
Bias and thwart, not answering the aim,
And that unbodied figure of the thought
That gave't surmised shape. Why then, you princes, Do you with cheeks abash'd behold our works, And call them shames? which are indeed nought else But the protractive trials of great Jove
To find persistive constancy in men:
The fineness of which metal is not found
In fortune's love; for then the bold and coward, The wise and fool, the artist and unread,
The hard and soft seem all affined and kin: But, in the wind and tempest of her frown,
Distinction, with a broad and powerful fan, Puffing at all, winnows the light away;
And what hath mass or matter, by itself
Lies rich in virtue and unmingled.
[To AGAMEMNON]
most mighty for thy place and sway,
[To NESTOR]
And thou most reverend for thy stretch'd-out life I give to both your speeches, which were such As Agamemnon and the hand of Greece
Should hold up high in brass, and such again As venerable Nestor, hatch'd in silver,
Should with a bond of air, strong as the axle-tree On which heaven rides, knit all the Greekish ears To his experienced tongue, yet let it please both, Thou great, and wise, to hear Ulysses speak.
AGAMEMNON Speak, prince of Ithaca; and be't of less expect
That matter needless, of importless burden,
Divide thy lips, than we are confident,
When rank Thersites opes his mastic jaws,
We shall hear music, wit and oracle.
AGAMEMNON The nature of the sickness found, Ulysses,
What is the remedy?
[A tucket]
AGAMEMNON What trumpet? look, Menelaus. MENELAUS From Troy.
[Enter AENEAS]
AGAMEMNON What would you 'fore our tent? AENEAS Is this great Agamemnon's tent, I pray you? AGAMEMNON Even this.
AGAMEMNON With surety stronger than Achilles' arm
'Fore all the Greekish heads, which with one voice
Call Agamemnon head and general.
AGAMEMNON How!
AGAMEMNON This Trojan scorns us; or the men of Troy
Are ceremonious courtiers.
AGAMEMNON Sir, you of Troy, call you yourself AEneas? AENEAS Ay, Greek, that is my name. AGAMEMNON What's your affair I pray you? AENEAS Sir, pardon; 'tis for Agamemnon's ears. AGAMEMNON He hears naught privately that comes from Troy.
AGAMEMNON Speak frankly as the wind;
It is not Agamemnon's sleeping hour:
That thou shalt know. Trojan, he is awake,
He tells thee so himself.
[Trumpet sounds]
We have, great Agamemnon, here in Troy
A prince call'd Hector,--Priam is his father,-- Who in this dull and long-continued truce
Is rusty grown: he bade me take a trumpet,
And to this purpose speak. Kings, princes, lords! If there be one among the fair'st of Greece That holds his honour higher than his ease, That seeks his praise more than he fears his peril, That knows his valour, and knows not his fear, That loves his mistress more than in confession, With truant vows to her own lips he loves,
And dare avow her beauty and her worth
In other arms than hers,--to him this challenge. Hector, in view of Trojans and of Greeks,
Shall make it good, or do his best to do it, He hath a lady, wiser, fairer, truer,
Than ever Greek did compass in his arms,
And will to-morrow with his trumpet call
Midway between your tents and walls of Troy, To rouse a Grecian that is true in love:
If any come, Hector shall honour him;
If none, he'll say in Troy when he retires, The Grecian dames are sunburnt and not worth The splinter of a lance. Even so much.
AGAMEMNON This shall be told our lovers, Lord AEneas;
If none of them have soul in such a kind,
We left them all at home: but we are soldiers;
And may that soldier a mere recreant prove,
That means not, hath not, or is not in love!
If then one is, or hath, or means to be,
That one meets Hector; if none else, I am he.
AGAMEMNON Fair Lord AEneas, let me touch your hand;
To our pavilion shall I lead you, sir.
Achilles shall have word of this intent;
So shall each lord of Greece, from tent to tent:
Yourself shall feast with us before you go
And find the welcome of a noble foe.
[Exeunt all but ULYSSES and NESTOR]
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
[Enter AJAX and THERSITES]
AJAX Thersites!
THERSITES Agamemnon, how if he had boils? full, all over,
generally?
AJAX Thersites!
THERSITES And those boils did run? say so: did not the
general run then? were not that a botchy core?
AJAX Dog!
THERSITES Then would come some matter from him; I see none now.
[Beating him]
Feel, then.
THERSITES The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel
beef-witted lord!
THERSITES I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but,
I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration than
thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike,
canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks!
AJAX Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.
THERSITES Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?
AJAX The proclamation!
THERSITES Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.
AJAX Do not, porpentine, do not: my fingers itch.
THERSITES I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had
the scratching of thee; I would make thee the
loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in
the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.
AJAX I say, the proclamation!
THERSITES Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles,
and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as
Cerberus is at Proserpine's beauty, ay, that thou
barkest at him.
AJAX Mistress Thersites!
THERSITES Thou shouldest strike him.
AJAX Cobloaf!
THERSITES He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a
sailor breaks a biscuit.
AJAX [Beating him] You whoreson cur!
THERSITES Do, do.
AJAX Thou stool for a witch!
THERSITES Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no
more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego
may tutor thee: thou scurvy-valiant ass! thou art
here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and
sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave.
If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou!
AJAX You dog! THERSITES You scurvy lord! AJAX [Beating him] You cur! THERSITES Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do.
[Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]
ACHILLES Why, how now, Ajax! wherefore do you thus? How now,
Thersites! what's the matter, man?
THERSITES You see him there, do you?
ACHILLES Ay; what's the matter?
THERSITES Nay, look upon him.
ACHILLES So I do: what's the matter?
THERSITES Nay, but regard him well.
ACHILLES 'Well!' why, I do so.
THERSITES But yet you look not well upon him; for whosoever you
take him to be, he is Ajax.
ACHILLES I know that, fool.
THERSITES Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
AJAX Therefore I beat thee.
THERSITES Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his
evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his
brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy
nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not
worth the nineth part of a sparrow. This lord,
Achilles, Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly and his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of him.
ACHILLES What? THERSITES I say, this Ajax--
[Ajax offers to beat him]
ACHILLES Nay, good Ajax.
THERSITES Has not so much wit--
ACHILLES Nay, I must hold you.
THERSITES As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he
comes to fight.
ACHILLES Peace, fool!
THERSITES I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will
not: he there: that he: look you there.
AJAX O thou damned cur! I shall--
ACHILLES Will you set your wit to a fool's?
THERSITES No, I warrant you; for a fools will shame it.
PATROCLUS Good words, Thersites.
ACHILLES What's the quarrel?
THERSITES I serve thee not.
AJAX Well, go to, go to.
THERSITES I serve here voluntarily.
ACHILLES Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not
voluntary: no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax was
here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.
THERSITES E'en so; a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your
sinews, or else there be liars. Hector have a great
catch, if he knock out either of your brains: a'
were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.
ACHILLES What, with me too, Thersites?
THERSITES There's Ulysses and old Nestor, whose wit was mouldy
ere your grandsires had nails on their toes, yoke you
like draught-oxen and make you plough up the wars.
ACHILLES What, what?
THERSITES Yes, good sooth: to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to!
AJAX I shall cut out your tongue.
THERSITES 'Tis no matter! I shall speak as much as thou
afterwards.
PATROCLUS No more words, Thersites; peace!
THERSITES I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me, shall I?
ACHILLES There's for you, Patroclus.
THERSITES I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come
any more to your tents: I will keep where there is
wit stirring and leave the faction of fools.
[Exit]
PATROCLUS A good riddance.
ACHILLES Marry, this, sir, is proclaim'd through all our host:
That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun,
Will with a trumpet 'twixt our tents and Troy
To-morrow morning call some knight to arms
That hath a stomach; and such a one that dare
Maintain--I know not what: 'tis trash. Farewell.
AJAX Farewell. Who shall answer him?
ACHILLES I know not: 'tis put to lottery; otherwise
He knew his man.
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE II Troy. A room in Priam's palace.
[Enter PRIAM, HECTOR, TROILUS, PARIS, and HELENUS]
TROILUS What is aught, but as 'tis valued?
CASSANDRA [Within] Cry, Trojans, cry!
CASSANDRA [Within] Cry, Trojans!
[Enter CASSANDRA, raving]
CASSANDRA Cry, Trojans, cry! lend me ten thousand eyes,
And I will fill them with prophetic tears.
HECTOR Peace, sister, peace!
CASSANDRA Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled eld,
Soft infancy, that nothing canst but cry,
Add to my clamours! let us pay betimes
A moiety of that mass of moan to come.
Cry, Trojans, cry! practise your eyes with tears!
Troy must not be, nor goodly Ilion stand;
Our firebrand brother, Paris, burns us all. Cry, Trojans, cry! a Helen and a woe:
Cry, cry! Troy burns, or else let Helen go.
[Exit]
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE III The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.
[Enter THERSITES, solus]
THERSITES How now, Thersites! what lost in the labyrinth of
thy fury! Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He
beats me, and I rail at him: O, worthy satisfaction!
would it were otherwise; that I could beat him,
whilst he railed at me. 'Sfoot, I'll learn to
conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles, a rare enginer! If Troy be not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods and, Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy caduceus, if ye take not that little, little less than little wit from them that they have! which short-armed ignorance itself knows is so abundant scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a spider, without drawing their massy irons and cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole camp! or rather, the bone-ache! for that, methinks, is the curse dependent on those that war for a placket. I have said my prayers and devil Envy say Amen. What ho! my Lord Achilles!
[Enter PATROCLUS]
PATROCLUS Who's there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and rail.
THERSITES If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou
wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but
it is no matter; thyself upon thyself! The common
curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in
great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and
discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy direction till thy death! then if she that lays thee out says thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't she never shrouded any but lazars. Amen. Where's Achilles?
PATROCLUS What, art thou devout? wast thou in prayer? THERSITES Ay: the heavens hear me!
[Enter ACHILLES]
ACHILLES Who's there?
PATROCLUS Thersites, my lord.
ACHILLES Where, where? Art thou come? why, my cheese, my
digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to
my table so many meals? Come, what's Agamemnon?
THERSITES Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus,
what's Achilles?
PATROCLUS Thy lord, Thersites: then tell me, I pray thee,
what's thyself?
THERSITES Thy knower, Patroclus: then tell me, Patroclus,
what art thou?
PATROCLUS Thou mayst tell that knowest.
ACHILLES O, tell, tell.
THERSITES I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands
Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus'
knower, and Patroclus is a fool.
PATROCLUS You rascal!
THERSITES Peace, fool! I have not done.
ACHILLES He is a privileged man. Proceed, Thersites.
THERSITES Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites
is a fool, and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool.
ACHILLES Derive this; come.
THERSITES Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;
Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon;
Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool, and
Patroclus is a fool positive.
PATROCLUS Why am I a fool?
THERSITES Make that demand of the prover. It suffices me thou
art. Look you, who comes here?
ACHILLES Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody.
Come in with me, Thersites.
[Exit]
THERSITES Here is such patchery, such juggling and such
knavery! all the argument is a cuckold and a
whore; a good quarrel to draw emulous factions
and bleed to death upon. Now, the dry serpigo on
the subject! and war and lechery confound all!
[Exit]
[Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, DIOMEDES, and AJAX]
AGAMEMNON Where is Achilles?
PATROCLUS Within his tent; but ill disposed, my lord.
AGAMEMNON Let it be known to him that we are here.
He shent our messengers; and we lay by
Our appertainments, visiting of him:
Let him be told so; lest perchance he think
We dare not move the question of our place,
Or know not what we are.
PATROCLUS I shall say so to him.
[Exit]
[Takes AGAMEMNON aside]
[Re-enter PATROCLUS]
PATROCLUS Achilles bids me say, he is much sorry,
If any thing more than your sport and pleasure
Did move your greatness and this noble state
To call upon him; he hopes it is no other
But for your health and your digestion sake,
And after-dinner's breath.
AGAMEMNON Hear you, Patroclus:
We are too well acquainted with these answers:
But his evasion, wing'd thus swift with scorn,
Cannot outfly our apprehensions.
Much attribute he hath, and much the reason
Why we ascribe it to him; yet all his virtues, Not virtuously on his own part beheld,
Do in our eyes begin to lose their gloss,
Yea, like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish, Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him,
We come to speak with him; and you shall not sin, If you do say we think him over-proud
And under-honest, in self-assumption greater Than in the note of judgment; and worthier
than himself
Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on, Disguise the holy strength of their command, And underwrite in an observing kind
His humorous predominance; yea, watch
His pettish lunes, his ebbs, his flows, as if The passage and whole carriage of this action Rode on his tide. Go tell him this, and add, That if he overhold his price so much,
We'll none of him; but let him, like an engine Not portable, lie under this report:
'Bring action hither, this cannot go to war: A stirring dwarf we do allowance give
Before a sleeping giant.' Tell him so.
PATROCLUS I shall; and bring his answer presently.
[Exit]
AGAMEMNON In second voice we'll not be satisfied;
We come to speak with him. Ulysses, enter you.
[Exit ULYSSES]
AJAX What is he more than another? AGAMEMNON No more than what he thinks he is.
AGAMEMNON No question.
AJAX Will you subscribe his thought, and say he is?
AGAMEMNON No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as valiant, as
wise, no less noble, much more gentle, and altogether
more tractable.
AGAMEMNON Your mind is the clearer, Ajax, and your virtues the
fairer. He that is proud eats up himself: pride is
his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle;
and whatever praises itself but in the deed, devours
the deed in the praise.
[Aside]
[Re-enter ULYSSES]
AGAMEMNON What's his excuse?
ULYSSES He doth rely on none,
But carries on the stream of his dispose
Without observance or respect of any,
In will peculiar and in self-admission.
AGAMEMNON Why will he not upon our fair request
Untent his person and share the air with us?
AGAMEMNON Let Ajax go to him.
Dear lord, go you and greet him in his tent:
'Tis said he holds you well, and will be led
At your request a little from himself.
DIOMEDES [Aside to NESTOR] And how his silence drinks up
this applause!
AJAX If I go to him, with my armed fist I'll pash him o'er the face.
AGAMEMNON O, no, you shall not go.
AJAX I'll let his humours blood. AGAMEMNON He will be the physician that should be the patient.
DIOMEDES You must prepare to fight without Achilles.
NESTOR Wherefore should you so?
He is not emulous, as Achilles is.
ULYSSES Know the whole world, he is as valiant.
DIOMEDES Or covetous of praise,-- ULYSSES Ay, or surly borne,-- DIOMEDES Or strange, or self-affected!
AJAX Shall I call you father? NESTOR Ay, my good son. DIOMEDES Be ruled by him, Lord Ajax.
AGAMEMNON Go we to council. Let Achilles sleep:
Light boats sail swift, though greater hulks draw deep.
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
[Enter a Servant and PANDARUS]
PANDARUS Friend, you! pray you, a word: do not you follow
the young Lord Paris?
Servant Ay, sir, when he goes before me.
PANDARUS You depend upon him, I mean?
Servant Sir, I do depend upon the lord.
PANDARUS You depend upon a noble gentleman; I must needs
praise him.
Servant The lord be praised!
PANDARUS You know me, do you not? Servant Faith, sir, superficially. PANDARUS Friend, know me better; I am the Lord Pandarus. Servant I hope I shall know your honour better. PANDARUS I do desire it. Servant You are in the state of grace. PANDARUS Grace! not so, friend: honour and lordship are my titles.
[Music within]
What music is this?
PANDARUS Know you the musicians?
Servant Wholly, sir.
PANDARUS Who play they to?
Servant To the hearers, sir.
PANDARUS At whose pleasure, friend
Servant At mine, sir, and theirs that love music.
PANDARUS Command, I mean, friend.
Servant Who shall I command, sir?
PANDARUS Friend, we understand not one another: I am too
courtly and thou art too cunning. At whose request
do these men play?
PANDARUS Who, my cousin Cressida?
PANDARUS It should seem, fellow, that thou hast not seen the
Lady Cressida. I come to speak with Paris from the
Prince Troilus: I will make a complimental assault
upon him, for my business seethes.
Servant Sodden business! there's a stewed phrase indeed!
[Enter PARIS and HELEN, attended]
PANDARUS Fair be to you, my lord, and to all this fair
company! fair desires, in all fair measure,
fairly guide them! especially to you, fair queen!
fair thoughts be your fair pillow!
HELEN Dear lord, you are full of fair words.
PANDARUS You speak your fair pleasure, sweet queen. Fair
prince, here is good broken music.
PANDARUS Truly, lady, no.
HELEN O, sir,--
PANDARUS Rude, in sooth; in good sooth, very rude.
PARIS Well said, my lord! well, you say so in fits.
PANDARUS I have business to my lord, dear queen. My lord,
will you vouchsafe me a word?
PANDARUS Well, sweet queen. you are pleasant with me. But,
marry, thus, my lord: my dear lord and most esteemed
friend, your brother Troilus,--
HELEN My Lord Pandarus; honey-sweet lord,--
PANDARUS Go to, sweet queen, to go:--commends himself most
affectionately to you,--
PANDARUS Sweet queen, sweet queen! that's a sweet queen, i' faith.
HELEN And to make a sweet lady sad is a sour offence.
PANDARUS Nay, that shall not serve your turn; that shall not,
in truth, la. Nay, I care not for such words; no,
no. And, my lord, he desires you, that if the king
call for him at supper, you will make his excuse.
HELEN My Lord Pandarus,--
PANDARUS What says my sweet queen, my very very sweet queen?
HELEN Nay, but, my lord,--
PANDARUS What says my sweet queen? My cousin will fall out
with you. You must not know where he sups.
PARIS I'll lay my life, with my disposer Cressida.
PANDARUS No, no, no such matter; you are wide: come, your
disposer is sick.
PARIS Well, I'll make excuse.
PANDARUS Ay, good my lord. Why should you say Cressida? no,
your poor disposer's sick.
PARIS I spy.
PANDARUS You spy! what do you spy? Come, give me an
instrument. Now, sweet queen.
HELEN Why, this is kindly done.
PANDARUS My niece is horribly in love with a thing you have,
sweet queen.
HELEN She shall have it, my lord, if it be not my lord Paris.
PANDARUS He! no, she'll none of him; they two are twain.
HELEN Falling in, after falling out, may make them three.
PANDARUS Come, come, I'll hear no more of this; I'll sing
you a song now.
PANDARUS Ay, you may, you may.
PANDARUS Love! ay, that it shall, i' faith. PARIS Ay, good now, love, love, nothing but love. PANDARUS In good troth, it begins so.
[Sings]
Love, love, nothing but love, still more!
For, O, love's bow
Shoots buck and doe:
The shaft confounds,
Not that it wounds,
But tickles still the sore.
These lovers cry Oh! oh! they die!
Yet that which seems the wound to kill,
Doth turn oh! oh! to ha! ha! he!
So dying love lives still:
Oh! oh! a while, but ha! ha! ha!
Oh! oh! groans out for ha! ha! ha!
Heigh-ho!
PANDARUS Is this the generation of love? hot blood, hot
thoughts, and hot deeds? Why, they are vipers:
is love a generation of vipers? Sweet lord, who's
a-field to-day?
HELEN He hangs the lip at something: you know all, Lord Pandarus.
PANDARUS Not I, honey-sweet queen. I long to hear how they
sped to-day. You'll remember your brother's excuse?
PARIS To a hair.
PANDARUS Farewell, sweet queen.
HELEN Commend me to your niece.
PANDARUS I will, sweet queen.
[Exit]
[A retreat sounded]
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE II The same. Pandarus' orchard.
[Enter PANDARUS and Troilus's Boy, meeting]
PANDARUS How now! where's thy master? at my cousin
Cressida's?
Boy No, sir; he stays for you to conduct him thither.
PANDARUS O, here he comes.
[Enter TROILUS]
How now, how now!
[Exit Boy]
PANDARUS Have you seen my cousin?
PANDARUS Walk here i' the orchard, I'll bring her straight.
[Exit]
[Re-enter PANDARUS]
PANDARUS She's making her ready, she'll come straight: you
must be witty now. She does so blush, and fetches
her wind so short, as if she were frayed with a
sprite: I'll fetch her. It is the prettiest
villain: she fetches her breath as short as a
new-ta'en sparrow.
[Exit]
[Re-enter PANDARUS with CRESSIDA]
PANDARUS Come, come, what need you blush? shame's a baby.
Here she is now: swear the oaths now to her that
you have sworn to me. What, are you gone again?
you must be watched ere you be made tame, must you?
Come your ways, come your ways; an you draw backward,
we'll put you i' the fills. Why do you not speak to her? Come, draw this curtain, and let's see your picture. Alas the day, how loath you are to offend daylight! an 'twere dark, you'ld close sooner. So, so; rub on, and kiss the mistress. How now! a kiss in fee-farm! build there, carpenter; the air is sweet. Nay, you shall fight your hearts out ere I part you. The falcon as the tercel, for all the ducks i' the river: go to, go to.
PANDARUS Words pay no debts, give her deeds: but she'll
bereave you o' the deeds too, if she call your
activity in question. What, billing again? Here's
'In witness whereof the parties interchangeably'--
Come in, come in: I'll go get a fire.
[Exit]
CRESSIDA Will you walk in, my lord? TROILUS O Cressida, how often have I wished me thus! CRESSIDA Wished, my lord! The gods grant,--O my lord!
CRESSIDA More dregs than water, if my fears have eyes.
TROILUS Fears make devils of cherubims; they never see truly.
CRESSIDA Blind fear, that seeing reason leads, finds safer
footing than blind reason stumbling without fear: to
fear the worst oft cures the worse.
CRESSIDA Nor nothing monstrous neither?
CRESSIDA They say all lovers swear more performance than they
are able and yet reserve an ability that they never
perform, vowing more than the perfection of ten and
discharging less than the tenth part of one. They
that have the voice of lions and the act of hares,
are they not monsters?
CRESSIDA Will you walk in, my lord?
[Re-enter PANDARUS]
PANDARUS What, blushing still? have you not done talking yet?
CRESSIDA Well, uncle, what folly I commit, I dedicate to you.
PANDARUS I thank you for that: if my lord get a boy of you,
you'll give him me. Be true to my lord: if he
flinch, chide me for it.
PANDARUS Nay, I'll give my word for her too: our kindred,
though they be long ere they are wooed, they are
constant being won: they are burs, I can tell you;
they'll stick where they are thrown.
CRESSIDA Boldness comes to me now, and brings me heart.
Prince Troilus, I have loved you night and day
For many weary months.
TROILUS Why was my Cressid then so hard to win?
CRESSIDA Hard to seem won: but I was won, my lord,
With the first glance that ever--pardon me--
If I confess much, you will play the tyrant.
I love you now; but not, till now, so much
But I might master it: in faith, I lie;
My thoughts were like unbridled children, grown Too headstrong for their mother. See, we fools! Why have I blabb'd? who shall be true to us, When we are so unsecret to ourselves?
But, though I loved you well, I woo'd you not; And yet, good faith, I wish'd myself a man, Or that we women had men's privilege
Of speaking first. Sweet, bid me hold my tongue, For in this rapture I shall surely speak
The thing I shall repent. See, see, your silence, Cunning in dumbness, from my weakness draws My very soul of counsel! stop my mouth.
PANDARUS Pretty, i' faith.
CRESSIDA My lord, I do beseech you, pardon me;
'Twas not my purpose, thus to beg a kiss:
I am ashamed. O heavens! what have I done?
For this time will I take my leave, my lord.
TROILUS Your leave, sweet Cressid!
PANDARUS Leave! an you take leave till to-morrow morning,--
CRESSIDA Pray you, content you.
TROILUS What offends you, lady?
CRESSIDA Sir, mine own company.
TROILUS You cannot shun Yourself.
CRESSIDA Let me go and try:
I have a kind of self resides with you;
But an unkind self, that itself will leave,
To be another's fool. I would be gone:
Where is my wit? I know not what I speak.
TROILUS Well know they what they speak that speak so wisely.
CRESSIDA Perchance, my lord, I show more craft than love;
And fell so roundly to a large confession,
To angle for your thoughts: but you are wise,
Or else you love not, for to be wise and love
Exceeds man's might; that dwells with gods above.
CRESSIDA In that I'll war with you.
CRESSIDA Prophet may you be!
If I be false, or swerve a hair from truth,
When time is old and hath forgot itself,
When waterdrops have worn the stones of Troy,
And blind oblivion swallow'd cities up,
And mighty states characterless are grated
To dusty nothing, yet let memory,
From false to false, among false maids in love, Upbraid my falsehood! when they've said 'as false As air, as water, wind, or sandy earth,
As fox to lamb, as wolf to heifer's calf,
Pard to the hind, or stepdame to her son,'
'Yea,' let them say, to stick the heart of falsehood, 'As false as Cressid.'
PANDARUS Go to, a bargain made: seal it, seal it; I'll be the
witness. Here I hold your hand, here my cousin's.
If ever you prove false one to another, since I have
taken such pains to bring you together, let all
pitiful goers-between be called to the world's end
after my name; call them all Pandars; let all constant men be Troiluses, all false women Cressids, and all brokers-between Pandars! say, amen.
CRESSIDA Amen.
PANDARUS Amen. Whereupon I will show you a chamber with a
bed; which bed, because it shall not speak of your
pretty encounters, press it to death: away!
And Cupid grant all tongue-tied maidens here
Bed, chamber, Pandar to provide this gear!
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE III The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.
[Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, DIOMEDES, NESTOR, AJAX, MENELAUS, and CALCHAS]
AGAMEMNON What wouldst thou of us, Trojan? make demand.
AGAMEMNON Let Diomedes bear him,
And bring us Cressid hither: Calchas shall have
What he requests of us. Good Diomed,
Furnish you fairly for this interchange:
Withal bring word if Hector will to-morrow
Be answer'd in his challenge: Ajax is ready.
DIOMEDES This shall I undertake; and 'tis a burden
Which I am proud to bear.
[Exeunt DIOMEDES and CALCHAS]
[Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS, before their tent]
AGAMEMNON We'll execute your purpose, and put on
A form of strangeness as we pass along:
So do each lord, and either greet him not,
Or else disdainfully, which shall shake him more
Than if not look'd on. I will lead the way.
ACHILLES What, comes the general to speak with me?
You know my mind, I'll fight no more 'gainst Troy.
AGAMEMNON What says Achilles? would he aught with us?
NESTOR Would you, my lord, aught with the general?
ACHILLES No.
NESTOR Nothing, my lord.
AGAMEMNON The better.
[Exeunt AGAMEMNON and NESTOR]
ACHILLES Good day, good day. MENELAUS How do you? how do you?
[Exit]
ACHILLES What, does the cuckold scorn me? AJAX How now, Patroclus! ACHILLES Good morrow, Ajax. AJAX Ha? ACHILLES Good morrow.
[Exit]
ACHILLES What mean these fellows? Know they not Achilles?
PATROCLUS They pass by strangely: they were used to bend
To send their smiles before them to Achilles;
To come as humbly as they used to creep
To holy altars.
ACHILLES What, am I poor of late?
'Tis certain, greatness, once fall'n out with fortune,
Must fall out with men too: what the declined is
He shall as soon read in the eyes of others
As feel in his own fall; for men, like butterflies,
Show not their mealy wings but to the summer, And not a man, for being simply man,
Hath any honour, but honour for those honours That are without him, as place, riches, favour, Prizes of accident as oft as merit:
Which when they fall, as being slippery standers, The love that lean'd on them as slippery too, Do one pluck down another and together
Die in the fall. But 'tis not so with me:
Fortune and I are friends: I do enjoy
At ample point all that I did possess,
Save these men's looks; who do, methinks, find out Something not worth in me such rich beholding As they have often given. Here is Ulysses;
I'll interrupt his reading.
How now Ulysses!
ULYSSES Now, great Thetis' son! ACHILLES What are you reading?
ACHILLES This is not strange, Ulysses.
The beauty that is borne here in the face
The bearer knows not, but commends itself
To others' eyes; nor doth the eye itself,
That most pure spirit of sense, behold itself,
Not going from itself; but eye to eye opposed Salutes each other with each other's form;
For speculation turns not to itself,
Till it hath travell'd and is mirror'd there Where it may see itself. This is not strange at all.
ACHILLES I do believe it; for they pass'd by me
As misers do by beggars, neither gave to me
Good word nor look: what, are my deeds forgot?
ACHILLES Of this my privacy
I have strong reasons.
ACHILLES Ha! known!
[Exit]
PATROCLUS To this effect, Achilles, have I moved you:
A woman impudent and mannish grown
Is not more loathed than an effeminate man
In time of action. I stand condemn'd for this;
They think my little stomach to the war
And your great love to me restrains you thus: Sweet, rouse yourself; and the weak wanton Cupid Shall from your neck unloose his amorous fold, And, like a dew-drop from the lion's mane,
Be shook to air.
ACHILLES Shall Ajax fight with Hector?
PATROCLUS Ay, and perhaps receive much honour by him.
ACHILLES I see my reputation is at stake
My fame is shrewdly gored.
PATROCLUS O, then, beware;
Those wounds heal ill that men do give themselves:
Omission to do what is necessary
Seals a commission to a blank of danger;
And danger, like an ague, subtly taints
Even then when we sit idly in the sun.
ACHILLES Go call Thersites hither, sweet Patroclus:
I'll send the fool to Ajax and desire him
To invite the Trojan lords after the combat
To see us here unarm'd: I have a woman's longing,
An appetite that I am sick withal,
To see great Hector in his weeds of peace,
To talk with him and to behold his visage,
Even to my full of view.
[Enter THERSITES]
A labour saved!
THERSITES A wonder!
ACHILLES What?
THERSITES Ajax goes up and down the field, asking for himself.
ACHILLES How so?
THERSITES He must fight singly to-morrow with Hector, and is so
prophetically proud of an heroical cudgelling that he
raves in saying nothing.
ACHILLES How can that be?
THERSITES Why, he stalks up and down like a peacock,--a stride
and a stand: ruminates like an hostess that hath no
arithmetic but her brain to set down her reckoning:
bites his lip with a politic regard, as who should
say 'There were wit in this head, an 'twould out;'
and so there is, but it lies as coldly in him as fire in a flint, which will not show without knocking. The man's undone forever; for if Hector break not his neck i' the combat, he'll break 't himself in vain-glory. He knows not me: I said 'Good morrow, Ajax;' and he replies 'Thanks, Agamemnon.' What think you of this man that takes me for the general? He's grown a very land-fish, language-less, a monster. A plague of opinion! a man may wear it on both sides, like a leather jerkin.
ACHILLES Thou must be my ambassador to him, Thersites.
THERSITES Who, I? why, he'll answer nobody; he professes not
answering: speaking is for beggars; he wears his
tongue in's arms. I will put on his presence: let
Patroclus make demands to me, you shall see the
pageant of Ajax.
ACHILLES To him, Patroclus; tell him I humbly desire the
valiant Ajax to invite the most valorous Hector
to come unarmed to my tent, and to procure
safe-conduct for his person of the magnanimous
and most illustrious six-or-seven-times-honoured
captain-general of the Grecian army, Agamemnon, et cetera. Do this.
PATROCLUS Jove bless great Ajax!
THERSITES Hum!
PATROCLUS I come from the worthy Achilles,--
THERSITES Ha!
PATROCLUS Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent,--
THERSITES Hum!
PATROCLUS And to procure safe-conduct from Agamemnon.
THERSITES Agamemnon!
PATROCLUS Ay, my lord.
THERSITES Ha!
PATROCLUS What say you to't?
THERSITES God b' wi' you, with all my heart.
PATROCLUS Your answer, sir.
THERSITES If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o'clock it will
go one way or other: howsoever, he shall pay for me
ere he has me.
PATROCLUS Your answer, sir.
THERSITES Fare you well, with all my heart.
ACHILLES Why, but he is not in this tune, is he?
THERSITES No, but he's out o' tune thus. What music will be in
him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know
not; but, I am sure, none, unless the fiddler Apollo
get his sinews to make catlings on.
ACHILLES Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight.
THERSITES Let me bear another to his horse; for that's the more
capable creature.
ACHILLES My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirr'd;
And I myself see not the bottom of it.
[Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]
THERSITES Would the fountain of your mind were clear again,
that I might water an ass at it! I had rather be a
tick in a sheep than such a valiant ignorance.
[Exit]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
[Enter, from one side, AENEAS, and Servant with a torch; from the other, PARIS, DEIPHOBUS, ANTENOR, DIOMEDES, and others, with torches]
PARIS See, ho! who is that there? DEIPHOBUS It is the Lord AEneas.
DIOMEDES That's my mind too. Good morrow, Lord AEneas.
DIOMEDES The one and other Diomed embraces.
Our bloods are now in calm; and, so long, health!
But when contention and occasion meet,
By Jove, I'll play the hunter for thy life
With all my force, pursuit and policy.
DIOMEDES We sympathize: Jove, let AEneas live,
If to my sword his fate be not the glory,
A thousand complete courses of the sun!
But, in mine emulous honour, let him die,
With every joint a wound, and that to-morrow!
AENEAS We know each other well.
DIOMEDES We do; and long to know each other worse.
[Exit with Servant]
DIOMEDES Both alike:
He merits well to have her, that doth seek her,
Not making any scruple of her soilure,
With such a hell of pain and world of charge,
And you as well to keep her, that defend her,
Not palating the taste of her dishonour,
With such a costly loss of wealth and friends: He, like a puling cuckold, would drink up
The lees and dregs of a flat tamed piece;
You, like a lecher, out of whorish loins
Are pleased to breed out your inheritors:
Both merits poised, each weighs nor less nor more; But he as he, the heavier for a whore.
PARIS You are too bitter to your countrywoman.
DIOMEDES She's bitter to her country: hear me, Paris:
For every false drop in her bawdy veins
A Grecian's life hath sunk; for every scruple
Of her contaminated carrion weight,
A Trojan hath been slain: since she could speak,
She hath not given so many good words breath As for her Greeks and Trojans suffer'd death.
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE II The same. Court of Pandarus' house.
[Enter TROILUS and CRESSIDA]
CRESSIDA Then, sweet my lord, I'll call mine uncle down;
He shall unbolt the gates.
CRESSIDA Good morrow, then. TROILUS I prithee now, to bed. CRESSIDA Are you a-weary of me?
CRESSIDA Night hath been too brief.
CRESSIDA Prithee, tarry:
You men will never tarry.
O foolish Cressid! I might have still held off,
And then you would have tarried. Hark!
there's one up.
PANDARUS [Within] What, 's all the doors open here?
TROILUS It is your uncle.
CRESSIDA A pestilence on him! now will he be mocking:
I shall have such a life!
[Enter PANDARUS]
PANDARUS How now, how now! how go maidenheads? Here, you
maid! where's my cousin Cressid?
CRESSIDA Go hang yourself, you naughty mocking uncle!
You bring me to do, and then you flout me too.
PANDARUS To do what? to do what? let her say
what: what have I brought you to do?
CRESSIDA Come, come, beshrew your heart! you'll ne'er be good,
Nor suffer others.
PANDARUS Ha! ha! Alas, poor wretch! ah, poor capocchia!
hast not slept to-night? would he not, a naughty
man, let it sleep? a bugbear take him!
CRESSIDA Did not I tell you? Would he were knock'd i' the head!
[Knocking within]
Who's that at door? good uncle, go and see. My lord, come you again into my chamber:
You smile and mock me, as if I meant naughtily.
CRESSIDA Come, you are deceived, I think of no such thing.
[Knocking within]
How earnestly they knock! Pray you, come in: I would not for half Troy have you seen here.
[Exeunt TROILUS and CRESSIDA]
PANDARUS Who's there? what's the matter? will you beat
down the door? How now! what's the matter?
[Enter AENEAS]
PANDARUS Who's there? my Lord AEneas! By my troth,
I knew you not: what news with you so early?
AENEAS Is not Prince Troilus here?
PANDARUS Here! what should he do here?
PANDARUS Is he here, say you? 'tis more than I know, I'll
be sworn: for my own part, I came in late. What
should he do here?
[Re-enter TROILUS]
TROILUS Is it so concluded?
[Exeunt TROILUS and AENEAS]
PANDARUS Is't possible? no sooner got but lost? The devil
take Antenor! the young prince will go mad: a
plague upon Antenor! I would they had broke 's neck!
[Re-enter CRESSIDA]
CRESSIDA How now! what's the matter? who was here?
PANDARUS Ah, ah!
CRESSIDA Why sigh you so profoundly? where's my lord? gone!
Tell me, sweet uncle, what's the matter?
PANDARUS Would I were as deep under the earth as I am above!
CRESSIDA O the gods! what's the matter?
PANDARUS Prithee, get thee in: would thou hadst ne'er been
born! I knew thou wouldst be his death. O, poor
gentleman! A plague upon Antenor!
CRESSIDA Good uncle, I beseech you, on my knees! beseech you,
what's the matter?
PANDARUS Thou must be gone, wench, thou must be gone; thou
art changed for Antenor: thou must to thy father,
and be gone from Troilus: 'twill be his death;
'twill be his bane; he cannot bear it.
CRESSIDA O you immortal gods! I will not go.
PANDARUS Thou must.
CRESSIDA I will not, uncle: I have forgot my father;
I know no touch of consanguinity;
No kin no love, no blood, no soul so near me
As the sweet Troilus. O you gods divine!
Make Cressid's name the very crown of falsehood,
If ever she leave Troilus! Time, force, and death, Do to this body what extremes you can;
But the strong base and building of my love Is as the very centre of the earth,
Drawing all things to it. I'll go in and weep,--
PANDARUS Do, do.
CRESSIDA Tear my bright hair and scratch my praised cheeks,
Crack my clear voice with sobs and break my heart
With sounding Troilus. I will not go from Troy.
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE III The same. Street before Pandarus' house.
[Enter PARIS, TROILUS, AENEAS, DEIPHOBUS, ANTENOR, and DIOMEDES]
[Exit]
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE IV The same. Pandarus' house.
[Enter PANDARUS and CRESSIDA]
PANDARUS Be moderate, be moderate.
CRESSIDA Why tell you me of moderation?
The grief is fine, full, perfect, that I taste,
And violenteth in a sense as strong
As that which causeth it: how can I moderate it?
If I could temporize with my affection,
Or brew it to a weak and colder palate,
The like allayment could I give my grief.
My love admits no qualifying dross;
No more my grief, in such a precious loss.
PANDARUS Here, here, here he comes.
[Enter TROILUS]
Ah, sweet ducks!
CRESSIDA O Troilus! Troilus!
[Embracing him]
PANDARUS What a pair of spectacles is here!
Let me embrace too. 'O heart,' as the goodly saying is,
'--O heart, heavy heart,
Why sigh'st thou without breaking?
where he answers again,
'Because thou canst not ease thy smart
By friendship nor by speaking.'
There was never a truer rhyme. Let us cast away nothing, for we may live to have need of such a verse: we see it, we see it. How now, lambs?
CRESSIDA Have the gods envy? PANDARUS Ay, ay, ay, ay; 'tis too plain a case. CRESSIDA And is it true that I must go from Troy? TROILUS A hateful truth. CRESSIDA What, and from Troilus too? TROILUS From Troy and Troilus. CRESSIDA Is it possible?
PANDARUS Where are my tears? rain, to lay this wind, or
my heart will be blown up by the root.
[Exit]
CRESSIDA I must then to the Grecians?
TROILUS No remedy.
CRESSIDA A woful Cressid 'mongst the merry Greeks!
When shall we see again?
TROILUS Hear me, my love: be thou but true of heart,--
CRESSIDA I true! how now! what wicked deem is this?
CRESSIDA O, you shall be exposed, my lord, to dangers
As infinite as imminent! but I'll be true.
TROILUS And I'll grow friend with danger. Wear this sleeve.
CRESSIDA And you this glove. When shall I see you?
CRESSIDA O heavens! 'be true' again!
CRESSIDA O heavens! you love me not.
CRESSIDA Do you think I will?
CRESSIDA My lord, will you be true?
[Enter AENEAS, PARIS, ANTENOR, DEIPHOBUS,
and DIOMEDES]
Welcome, Sir Diomed! here is the lady
Which for Antenor we deliver you:
At the port, lord, I'll give her to thy hand, And by the way possess thee what she is.
Entreat her fair; and, by my soul, fair Greek, If e'er thou stand at mercy of my sword,
Name Cressida and thy life shall be as safe As Priam is in Ilion.
DIOMEDES Fair Lady Cressid,
So please you, save the thanks this prince expects:
The lustre in your eye, heaven in your cheek,
Pleads your fair usage; and to Diomed
You shall be mistress, and command him wholly.
DIOMEDES O, be not moved, Prince Troilus:
Let me be privileged by my place and message,
To be a speaker free; when I am hence
I'll answer to my lust: and know you, lord,
I'll nothing do on charge: to her own worth
She shall be prized; but that you say 'be't so,' I'll speak it in my spirit and honour, 'no.'
[Exeunt TROILUS, CRESSIDA, and DIOMEDES]
[Trumpet within]
PARIS 'Tis Troilus' fault: come, come, to field with him. DEIPHOBUS Let us make ready straight.
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
[Enter AJAX, armed; AGAMEMNON, ACHILLES, PATROCLUS, MENELAUS, ULYSSES, NESTOR, and others]
AGAMEMNON Here art thou in appointment fresh and fair,
Anticipating time with starting courage.
Give with thy trumpet a loud note to Troy,
Thou dreadful Ajax; that the appalled air
May pierce the head of the great combatant
And hale him hither.
[Trumpet sounds]
ACHILLES 'Tis but early days. AGAMEMNON Is not yond Diomed, with Calchas' daughter?
[Enter DIOMEDES, with CRESSIDA]
AGAMEMNON Is this the Lady Cressid? DIOMEDES Even she. AGAMEMNON Most dearly welcome to the Greeks, sweet lady.
ACHILLES I'll take what winter from your lips, fair lady:
Achilles bids you welcome.
MENELAUS I had good argument for kissing once.
PATROCLUS But that's no argument for kissing now;
For this popp'd Paris in his hardiment,
And parted thus you and your argument.
PATROCLUS The first was Menelaus' kiss; this, mine:
Patroclus kisses you.
MENELAUS O, this is trim!
PATROCLUS Paris and I kiss evermore for him.
MENELAUS I'll have my kiss, sir. Lady, by your leave.
CRESSIDA In kissing, do you render or receive?
PATROCLUS Both take and give.
CRESSIDA I'll make my match to live,
The kiss you take is better than you give;
Therefore no kiss.
MENELAUS I'll give you boot, I'll give you three for one.
CRESSIDA You're an odd man; give even or give none.
MENELAUS An odd man, lady! every man is odd.
CRESSIDA No, Paris is not; for you know 'tis true,
That you are odd, and he is even with you.
MENELAUS You fillip me o' the head.
CRESSIDA No, I'll be sworn.
CRESSIDA You may. ULYSSES I do desire it. CRESSIDA Why, beg, then.
CRESSIDA I am your debtor, claim it when 'tis due. ULYSSES Never's my day, and then a kiss of you. DIOMEDES Lady, a word: I'll bring you to your father.
[Exit with CRESSIDA]
[Trumpet within]
ALL The Trojans' trumpet. AGAMEMNON Yonder comes the troop.
[Enter HECTOR, armed; AENEAS, TROILUS, and other Trojans, with Attendants]
AGAMEMNON Which way would Hector have it?
AENEAS He cares not; he'll obey conditions.
ACHILLES 'Tis done like Hector; but securely done,
A little proudly, and great deal misprizing
The knight opposed.
ACHILLES If not Achilles, nothing.
ACHILLES A maiden battle, then? O, I perceive you.
[Re-enter DIOMEDES]
AGAMEMNON Here is Sir Diomed. Go, gentle knight,
Stand by our Ajax: as you and Lord AEneas
Consent upon the order of their fight,
So be it; either to the uttermost,
Or else a breath: the combatants being kin
Half stints their strife before their strokes begin.
[AJAX and HECTOR enter the lists]
AGAMEMNON What Trojan is that same that looks so heavy?
[Alarum. Hector and Ajax fight]
AGAMEMNON They are in action.
AGAMEMNON His blows are well disposed: there, Ajax! DIOMEDES You must no more.
[Trumpets cease]
AENEAS Princes, enough, so please you.
AJAX I am not warm yet; let us fight again.
DIOMEDES As Hector pleases.
HECTOR Why, then will I no more:
Thou art, great lord, my father's sister's son,
A cousin-german to great Priam's seed;
The obligation of our blood forbids
A gory emulation 'twixt us twain:
Were thy commixtion Greek and Trojan so
That thou couldst say 'This hand is Grecian all, And this is Trojan; the sinews of this leg
All Greek, and this all Troy; my mother's blood Runs on the dexter cheek, and this sinister Bounds in my father's;' by Jove multipotent, Thou shouldst not bear from me a Greekish member Wherein my sword had not impressure made
Of our rank feud: but the just gods gainsay That any drop thou borrow'dst from thy mother, My sacred aunt, should by my mortal sword
Be drain'd! Let me embrace thee, Ajax:
By him that thunders, thou hast lusty arms; Hector would have them fall upon him thus:
Cousin, all honour to thee!
DIOMEDES 'Tis Agamemnon's wish, and great Achilles
Doth long to see unarm'd the valiant Hector.
AGAMEMNON Worthy of arms! as welcome as to one
That would be rid of such an enemy;
But that's no welcome: understand more clear,
What's past and what's to come is strew'd with husks
And formless ruin of oblivion;
But in this extant moment, faith and troth, Strain'd purely from all hollow bias-drawing, Bids thee, with most divine integrity,
From heart of very heart, great Hector, welcome.
AGAMEMNON [To TROILUS] My well-famed lord of Troy, no
less to you.
MENELAUS Let me confirm my princely brother's greeting:
You brace of warlike brothers, welcome hither.
HECTOR Who must we answer?
MENELAUS Name her not now, sir; she's a deadly theme.
ACHILLES I shall forestall thee, Lord Ulysses, thou!
Now, Hector, I have fed mine eyes on thee;
I have with exact view perused thee, Hector,
And quoted joint by joint.
HECTOR Is this Achilles?
ACHILLES I am Achilles.
HECTOR Stand fair, I pray thee: let me look on thee.
ACHILLES Behold thy fill.
HECTOR Nay, I have done already.
ACHILLES Thou art too brief: I will the second time,
As I would buy thee, view thee limb by limb.
ACHILLES Tell me, you heavens, in which part of his body
Shall I destroy him? whether there, or there, or there?
That I may give the local wound a name
And make distinct the very breach whereout
Hector's great spirit flew: answer me, heavens!
ACHILLES I tell thee, yea.
AJAX Do not chafe thee, cousin:
And you, Achilles, let these threats alone,
Till accident or purpose bring you to't:
You may have every day enough of Hector
If you have stomach; the general state, I fear,
Can scarce entreat you to be odd with him.
ACHILLES Dost thou entreat me, Hector?
To-morrow do I meet thee, fell as death;
To-night all friends.
HECTOR Thy hand upon that match.
AGAMEMNON First, all you peers of Greece, go to my tent;
There in the full convive we: afterwards,
As Hector's leisure and your bounties shall
Concur together, severally entreat him.
Beat loud the tabourines, let the trumpets blow,
That this great soldier may his welcome know.
[Exeunt all except TROILUS and ULYSSES]
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
[Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]
ACHILLES I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night,
Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
PATROCLUS Here comes Thersites.
[Enter THERSITES]
ACHILLES How now, thou core of envy!
Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?
THERSITES Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol
of idiot worshippers, here's a letter for thee.
ACHILLES From whence, fragment?
THERSITES Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
PATROCLUS Who keeps the tent now?
THERSITES The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.
PATROCLUS Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?
THERSITES Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:
thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.
PATROCLUS Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?
THERSITES Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases
of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs,
loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold
palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing
lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas,
limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!
PATROCLUS Why thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest
thou to curse thus?
THERSITES Do I curse thee?
PATROCLUS Why no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
indistinguishable cur, no.
THERSITES No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet
flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's
purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered
with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!
PATROCLUS Out, gall!
THERSITES Finch-egg!
ACHILLES My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.
Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,
A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it: Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay; My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent: This night in banqueting must all be spent. Away, Patroclus!
[Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]
THERSITES With too much blood and too little brain, these two
may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too
little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen.
Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one
that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as
earwax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull,--the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg,--to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to? To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not, what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus! Hey-day! spirits and fires!
[Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights]
AGAMEMNON We go wrong, we go wrong.
AJAX No, not a whit. ULYSSES Here comes himself to guide you.
[Re-enter ACHILLES]
ACHILLES Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all.
AGAMEMNON So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
HECTOR Thanks and good night to the Greeks' general.
MENELAUS Good night, my lord.
HECTOR Good night, sweet lord Menelaus.
THERSITES Sweet draught: 'sweet' quoth 'a! sweet sink,
sweet sewer.
ACHILLES Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
That go or tarry.
AGAMEMNON Good night.
[Exeunt AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS]
ACHILLES Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,
Keep Hector company an hour or two.
DIOMEDES I cannot, lord; I have important business,
The tide whereof is now. Good night, great Hector.
HECTOR Give me your hand.
[Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS following]
ACHILLES Come, come, enter my tent.
[Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR]
THERSITES That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most
unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers
than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend
his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound:
but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it
is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his
word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan
drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!
[Exit]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE II The same. Before Calchas' tent.
[Enter DIOMEDES]
DIOMEDES What, are you up here, ho? speak. CALCHAS [Within] Who calls? DIOMEDES Calchas, I think. Where's your daughter?
[Enter TROILUS and ULYSSES, at a distance;
after them, THERSITES]
[Enter CRESSIDA]
DIOMEDES How now, my charge! CRESSIDA Now, my sweet guardian! Hark, a word with you.
[Whispers]
THERSITES And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff;
she's noted.
DIOMEDES Will you remember?
CRESSIDA Remember! yes.
DIOMEDES Nay, but do, then;
And let your mind be coupled with your words.
TROILUS What should she remember?
CRESSIDA Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more to folly.
THERSITES Roguery!
DIOMEDES Nay, then,--
CRESSIDA I'll tell you what,--
DIOMEDES Foh, foh! come, tell a pin: you are forsworn.
CRESSIDA In faith, I cannot: what would you have me do?
THERSITES A juggling trick,--to be secretly open.
DIOMEDES What did you swear you would bestow on me?
CRESSIDA I prithee, do not hold me to mine oath;
Bid me do any thing but that, sweet Greek.
DIOMEDES Good night.
CRESSIDA Diomed,-- DIOMEDES No, no, good night: I'll be your fool no more. TROILUS Thy better must. CRESSIDA Hark, one word in your ear.
ULYSSES You have not patience; come.
DIOMEDES And so, good night. CRESSIDA Nay, but you part in anger.
ULYSSES Why, how now, lord!
CRESSIDA Guardian!--why, Greek! DIOMEDES Foh, foh! adieu; you palter. CRESSIDA In faith, I do not: come hither once again.
THERSITES How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and
potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!
DIOMEDES But will you, then?
CRESSIDA In faith, I will, la; never trust me else.
DIOMEDES Give me some token for the surety of it.
CRESSIDA I'll fetch you one.
[Exit]
[Re-enter CRESSIDA]
THERSITES Now the pledge; now, now, now! CRESSIDA Here, Diomed, keep this sleeve.
CRESSIDA You look upon that sleeve; behold it well.
He loved me--O false wench!--Give't me again.
DIOMEDES Whose was't?
CRESSIDA It is no matter, now I have't again.
I will not meet with you to-morrow night:
I prithee, Diomed, visit me no more.
THERSITES Now she sharpens: well said, whetstone!
DIOMEDES I shall have it.
CRESSIDA What, this?
DIOMEDES Ay, that.
CRESSIDA O, all you gods! O pretty, pretty pledge!
Thy master now lies thinking in his bed
Of thee and me, and sighs, and takes my glove,
And gives memorial dainty kisses to it,
As I kiss thee. Nay, do not snatch it from me;
He that takes that doth take my heart withal.
DIOMEDES I had your heart before, this follows it.
TROILUS I did swear patience.
CRESSIDA You shall not have it, Diomed; faith, you shall not;
I'll give you something else.
DIOMEDES I will have this: whose was it?
CRESSIDA It is no matter.
DIOMEDES Come, tell me whose it was.
CRESSIDA 'Twas one's that loved me better than you will.
But, now you have it, take it.
DIOMEDES Whose was it?
CRESSIDA By all Diana's waiting-women yond,
And by herself, I will not tell you whose.
DIOMEDES To-morrow will I wear it on my helm,
And grieve his spirit that dares not challenge it.
CRESSIDA Well, well, 'tis done, 'tis past: and yet it is not;
I will not keep my word.
DIOMEDES Why, then, farewell;
Thou never shalt mock Diomed again.
CRESSIDA You shall not go: one cannot speak a word,
But it straight starts you.
DIOMEDES I do not like this fooling.
THERSITES Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not you pleases me best.
DIOMEDES What, shall I come? the hour?
CRESSIDA Ay, come:--O Jove!--do come:--I shall be plagued.
DIOMEDES Farewell till then.
CRESSIDA Good night: I prithee, come.
[Exit DIOMEDES]
Troilus, farewell! one eye yet looks on thee But with my heart the other eye doth see.
Ah, poor our sex! this fault in us I find,
The error of our eye directs our mind:
What error leads must err; O, then conclude Minds sway'd by eyes are full of turpitude.
[Exit]
THERSITES A proof of strength she could not publish more,
Unless she said ' My mind is now turn'd whore.'
ULYSSES All's done, my lord.
ULYSSES I cannot conjure, Trojan. TROILUS She was not, sure. ULYSSES Most sure she was.
THERSITES Will he swagger himself out on's own eyes?
THERSITES He'll tickle it for his concupy.
[Enter AENEAS]
[Exeunt TROILUS, AENEAS, and ULYSSES]
THERSITES Would I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would
croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode.
Patroclus will give me any thing for the
intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not
do more for an almond than he for a commodious drab.
Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery; nothing else holds fashion: a burning devil take them!
[Exit]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE III Troy. Before Priam's palace.
[Enter HECTOR and ANDROMACHE]
ANDROMACHE When was my lord so much ungently temper'd,
To stop his ears against admonishment?
Unarm, unarm, and do not fight to-day.
ANDROMACHE My dreams will, sure, prove ominous to the day.
[Enter CASSANDRA]
CASSANDRA Where is my brother Hector?
ANDROMACHE Here, sister; arm'd, and bloody in intent.
Consort with me in loud and dear petition,
Pursue we him on knees; for I have dream'd
Of bloody turbulence, and this whole night
Hath nothing been but shapes and forms of slaughter.
CASSANDRA O, 'tis true.
HECTOR Ho! bid my trumpet sound!
CASSANDRA No notes of sally, for the heavens, sweet brother.
HECTOR Be gone, I say: the gods have heard me swear.
CASSANDRA The gods are deaf to hot and peevish vows:
They are polluted offerings, more abhorr'd
Than spotted livers in the sacrifice.
ANDROMACHE O, be persuaded! do not count it holy
To hurt by being just: it is as lawful,
For we would give much, to use violent thefts,
And rob in the behalf of charity.
CASSANDRA It is the purpose that makes strong the vow;
But vows to every purpose must not hold:
Unarm, sweet Hector.
[Enter TROILUS]
How now, young man! mean'st thou to fight to-day?
ANDROMACHE Cassandra, call my father to persuade.
[Exit CASSANDRA]
TROILUS Fool's play, by heaven, Hector.
HECTOR How now! how now!
TROILUS For the love of all the gods,
Let's leave the hermit pity with our mothers,
And when we have our armours buckled on,
The venom'd vengeance ride upon our swords,
Spur them to ruthful work, rein them from ruth.
HECTOR Fie, savage, fie!
TROILUS Hector, then 'tis wars.
[Re-enter CASSANDRA, with PRIAM]
CASSANDRA Lay hold upon him, Priam, hold him fast:
He is thy crutch; now if thou lose thy stay,
Thou on him leaning, and all Troy on thee,
Fall all together.
PRIAM Come, Hector, come, go back:
Thy wife hath dream'd; thy mother hath had visions;
Cassandra doth foresee; and I myself
Am like a prophet suddenly enrapt
To tell thee that this day is ominous:
Therefore, come back.
CASSANDRA O Priam, yield not to him! ANDROMACHE Do not, dear father.
[Exit ANDROMACHE]
CASSANDRA O, farewell, dear Hector!
Look, how thou diest! look, how thy eye turns pale!
Look, how thy wounds do bleed at many vents!
Hark, how Troy roars! how Hecuba cries out!
How poor Andromache shrills her dolours forth!
Behold, distraction, frenzy and amazement,
Like witless antics, one another meet,
And all cry, Hector! Hector's dead! O Hector!
CASSANDRA Farewell: yet, soft! Hector! take my leave:
Thou dost thyself and all our Troy deceive.
[Exit]
[Exeunt severally PRIAM and HECTOR. Alarums]
[Enter PANDARUS]
PANDARUS Do you hear, my lord? do you hear?
TROILUS What now?
PANDARUS Here's a letter come from yond poor girl.
TROILUS Let me read.
PANDARUS A whoreson tisick, a whoreson rascally tisick so
troubles me, and the foolish fortune of this girl;
and what one thing, what another, that I shall
leave you one o' these days: and I have a rheum
in mine eyes too, and such an ache in my bones
that, unless a man were cursed, I cannot tell what to think on't. What says she there?
[Tearing the letter]
Go, wind, to wind, there turn and change together. My love with words and errors still she feeds; But edifies another with her deeds.
[Exeunt severally]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE IV Plains between Troy and the Grecian camp.
[Alarums: excursions. Enter THERSITES]
THERSITES Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I'll go
look on. That dissembling abominable varlets Diomed,
has got that same scurvy doting foolish young knave's
sleeve of Troy there in his helm: I would fain see
them meet; that that same young Trojan ass, that
loves the whore there, might send that Greekish whore-masterly villain, with the sleeve, back to the dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless errand. O' the t'other side, the policy of those crafty swearing rascals, that stale old mouse-eaten dry cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox, Ulysses, is not proved worthy a blackberry: they set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles: and now is the cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will not arm to-day; whereupon the Grecians begin to proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill opinion. Soft! here comes sleeve, and t'other.
[Enter DIOMEDES, TROILUS following]
DIOMEDES Thou dost miscall retire:
I do not fly, but advantageous care
Withdrew me from the odds of multitude:
Have at thee!
THERSITES Hold thy whore, Grecian!--now for thy whore,
Trojan!--now the sleeve, now the sleeve!
[Exeunt TROILUS and DIOMEDES, fighting]
[Enter HECTOR]
THERSITES No, no, I am a rascal; a scurvy railing knave:
a very filthy rogue.
HECTOR I do believe thee: live.
[Exit]
THERSITES God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me; but a
plague break thy neck for frightening me! What's
become of the wenching rogues? I think they have
swallowed one another: I would laugh at that
miracle: yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself.
I'll seek them.
[Exit]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
[Enter DIOMEDES and a Servant]
DIOMEDES Go, go, my servant, take thou Troilus' horse;
Present the fair steed to my lady Cressid:
Fellow, commend my service to her beauty;
Tell her I have chastised the amorous Trojan,
And am her knight by proof.
Servant I go, my lord.
[Exit]
[Enter AGAMEMNON]
AGAMEMNON Renew, renew! The fierce Polydamas
Hath beat down Menon: bastard Margarelon
Hath Doreus prisoner,
And stands colossus-wise, waving his beam,
Upon the pashed corses of the kings
Epistrophus and Cedius: Polyxenes is slain, Amphimachus and Thoas deadly hurt,
Patroclus ta'en or slain, and Palamedes
Sore hurt and bruised: the dreadful Sagittary Appals our numbers: haste we, Diomed,
To reinforcement, or we perish all.
[Enter NESTOR]
[Enter ULYSSES]
[Enter AJAX]
[Exit]
DIOMEDES Ay, there, there.
[Enter ACHILLES]
ACHILLES Where is this Hector?
Come, come, thou boy-queller, show thy face;
Know what it is to meet Achilles angry:
Hector? where's Hector? I will none but Hector.
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE VI Another part of the plains.
[Enter AJAX]
[Enter DIOMEDES]
DIOMEDES Troilus, I say! where's Troilus? AJAX What wouldst thou? DIOMEDES I would correct him.
[Enter TROILUS]
DIOMEDES Ha, art thou there? AJAX I'll fight with him alone: stand, Diomed. DIOMEDES He is my prize; I will not look upon.
[Exeunt, fighting]
[Enter HECTOR]
[Enter ACHILLES]
ACHILLES Now do I see thee, ha! have at thee, Hector!
HECTOR Pause, if thou wilt.
ACHILLES I do disdain thy courtesy, proud Trojan:
Be happy that my arms are out of use:
My rest and negligence befriends thee now,
But thou anon shalt hear of me again;
Till when, go seek thy fortune.
[Exit]
[Re-enter TROILUS]
[Exit]
[Enter one in sumptuous armour]
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE VII Another part of the plains.
[Enter ACHILLES, with Myrmidons]
ACHILLES Come here about me, you my Myrmidons;
Mark what I say. Attend me where I wheel:
Strike not a stroke, but keep yourselves in breath:
And when I have the bloody Hector found,
Empale him with your weapons round about;
In fellest manner execute your aims.
Follow me, sirs, and my proceedings eye:
It is decreed Hector the great must die.
[Exeunt]
[Enter MENELAUS and PARIS, fighting:
then THERSITES]
THERSITES The cuckold and the cuckold-maker are at it. Now,
bull! now, dog! 'Loo, Paris, 'loo! now my double-
henned sparrow! 'loo, Paris, 'loo! The bull has the
game: ware horns, ho!
[Exeunt PARIS and MENELAUS]
[Enter MARGARELON]
MARGARELON Turn, slave, and fight.
THERSITES What art thou?
MARGARELON A bastard son of Priam's.
THERSITES I am a bastard too; I love bastards: I am a bastard
begot, bastard instructed, bastard in mind, bastard
in valour, in every thing illegitimate. One bear will
not bite another, and wherefore should one bastard?
Take heed, the quarrel's most ominous to us: if the
son of a whore fight for a whore, he tempts judgment: farewell, bastard.
[Exit]
MARGARELON The devil take thee, coward!
[Exit]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE VIII Another part of the plains.
[Enter HECTOR]
[Puts off his helmet and hangs his shield
behind him]
[Enter ACHILLES and Myrmidons]
ACHILLES Look, Hector, how the sun begins to set;
How ugly night comes breathing at his heels:
Even with the vail and darking of the sun,
To close the day up, Hector's life is done.
HECTOR I am unarm'd; forego this vantage, Greek.
ACHILLES Strike, fellows, strike; this is the man I seek.
[HECTOR falls]
So, Ilion, fall thou next! now, Troy, sink down! Here lies thy heart, thy sinews, and thy bone. On, Myrmidons, and cry you all amain,
'Achilles hath the mighty Hector slain.'
[A retreat sounded]
Hark! a retire upon our Grecian part.
MYRMIDONS The Trojan trumpets sound the like, my lord.
ACHILLES The dragon wing of night o'erspreads the earth,
And, stickler-like, the armies separates.
My half-supp'd sword, that frankly would have fed,
Pleased with this dainty bait, thus goes to bed.
[Sheathes his sword]
Come, tie his body to my horse's tail;
Along the field I will the Trojan trail.
[Exeunt]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE IX Another part of the plains.
[Enter AGAMEMNON, AJAX, MENELAUS, NESTOR, DIOMEDES, and others, marching. Shouts within]
AGAMEMNON Hark! hark! what shout is that?
[Within]
Achilles! Achilles! Hector's slain! Achilles.
DIOMEDES The bruit is, Hector's slain, and by Achilles.
AGAMEMNON March patiently along: let one be sent
To pray Achilles see us at our tent.
If in his death the gods have us befriended,
Great Troy is ours, and our sharp wars are ended.
[Exeunt, marching]
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
[Enter AENEAS and Trojans]
[Enter TROILUS]
ALL Hector! the gods forbid!
[Exeunt AENEAS and Trojans]
[As TROILUS is going out, enter, from the other side, PANDARUS]
PANDARUS But hear you, hear you!
[Exit]
PANDARUS A goodly medicine for my aching bones! O world!
world! world! thus is the poor agent despised!
O traitors and bawds, how earnestly are you set
a-work, and how ill requited! why should our
endeavour be so loved and the performance so loathed?
what verse for it? what instance for it? Let me see: Full merrily the humble-bee doth sing,
Till he hath lost his honey and his sting;
And being once subdued in armed tail,
Sweet honey and sweet notes together fail.
Good traders in the flesh, set this in your painted cloths.
As many as be here of pander's hall,
Your eyes, half out, weep out at Pandar's fall; Or if you cannot weep, yet give some groans, Though not for me, yet for your aching bones. Brethren and sisters of the hold-door trade, Some two months hence my will shall here be made: It should be now, but that my fear is this, Some galled goose of Winchester would hiss: Till then I'll sweat and seek about for eases, And at that time bequeathe you my diseases.
[Exit]