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TWELFTH NIGHT
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
SEBASTIAN brother to Viola.
A Sea Captain, friend to Viola. (Captain:)
VALENTINE |
| gentlemen attending on the Duke.
CURIO |
SIR ANDREW AGUECHEEK (SIR ANDREW:) MALVOLIO steward to Olivia.
FESTE a Clown (Clown:) |
Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and other Attendants.
(Priest:)
(First Officer:)
(Second Officer:)
(Servant:)
TWELFTH NIGHT
[Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and other Lords; Musicians attending]
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! it had a dying fall:
O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound, That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more: 'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou, That, notwithstanding thy capacity
Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
Of what validity and pitch soe'er,
But falls into abatement and low price,
Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy That it alone is high fantastical.
CURIO The hart.
DUKE ORSINO Why, so I do, the noblest that I have:
O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,
Methought she purged the air of pestilence!
That instant was I turn'd into a hart;
And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,
E'er since pursue me.
[Enter VALENTINE]
How now! what news from her?
VALENTINE So please my lord, I might not be admitted;
But from her handmaid do return this answer:
The element itself, till seven years' heat,
Shall not behold her face at ample view;
But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk
And water once a day her chamber round
With eye-offending brine: all this to season A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh And lasting in her sad remembrance.
To pay this debt of love but to a brother,
How will she love, when the rich golden shaft Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else That live in her; when liver, brain and heart, These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd Her sweet perfections with one self king!
Away before me to sweet beds of flowers:
Love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE II The sea-coast.
[Enter VIOLA, a Captain, and Sailors]
VIOLA O that I served that lady
And might not be delivered to the world,
Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,
What my estate is!
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE III OLIVIA'S house.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA]
her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.
these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be these boots too: an they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.
viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.
that say so of him. Who are they?
her as long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria: he's a coward and a coystrill that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench!
Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.
[Enter SIR ANDREW]
SIR ANDREW Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch! SIR TOBY BELCH Sweet Sir Andrew! SIR ANDREW Bless you, fair shrew.
SIR ANDREW What's that? SIR TOBY BELCH My niece's chambermaid. SIR ANDREW Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance. MARIA My name is Mary, sir. SIR ANDREW Good Mistress Mary Accost,--
her, woo her, assail her.
SIR ANDREW By my troth, I would not undertake her in this
company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?
MARIA Fare you well, gentlemen.
never draw sword again.
SIR ANDREW An you part so, mistress, I would I might never
draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have
fools in hand?
MARIA Sir, I have not you by the hand.
SIR ANDREW Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.
SIR ANDREW Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?
MARIA It's dry, sir.
SIR ANDREW Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can
keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?
MARIA A dry jest, sir.
SIR ANDREW Are you full of them?
[Exit]
see thee so put down?
SIR ANDREW Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit
than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I am a
great eater of beef and I believe that does harm to my wit.
SIR TOBY BELCH No question.
SIR ANDREW An I thought that, I'ld forswear it. I'll ride home
to-morrow, Sir Toby.
SIR TOBY BELCH Pourquoi, my dear knight?
SIR ANDREW What is 'Pourquoi'? do or not do? I would I had
bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in
fencing, dancing and bear-baiting: O, had I but
followed the arts!
SIR TOBY BELCH Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
SIR ANDREW Why, would that have mended my hair? SIR TOBY BELCH Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature. SIR ANDREW But it becomes me well enough, does't not?
hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin it off.
SIR ANDREW Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece
will not be seen; or if she be, it's four to one
she'll none of me: the count himself here hard by woos her.
SIR TOBY BELCH She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above
her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear't. Tut, there's life in't, man.
SIR ANDREW I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques
and revels sometimes altogether.
SIR TOBY BELCH Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
SIR ANDREW As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare
with an old man.
SIR TOBY BELCH What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
SIR ANDREW Faith, I can cut a caper.
SIR TOBY BELCH And I can cut the mutton to't.
SIR ANDREW And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
as any man in Illyria.
SIR TOBY BELCH Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have
these gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? why dost thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
SIR ANDREW Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some revels?
SIR TOBY BELCH What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?
SIR ANDREW Taurus! That's sides and heart.
caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE IV DUKE ORSINO's palace.
[Enter VALENTINE and VIOLA in man's attire]
VALENTINE If the duke continue these favours towards you,
Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath
known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.
VALENTINE No, believe me.
[Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and Attendants]
Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd To thee the book even of my secret soul:
Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her; Be not denied access, stand at her doors,
And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow Till thou have audience.
Rather than make unprofited return.
Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith: It shall become thee well to act my woes;
She will attend it better in thy youth
Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.
For they shall yet belie thy happy years,
That say thou art a man: Diana's lip
Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound, And all is semblative a woman's part.
I know thy constellation is right apt
For this affair. Some four or five attend him; All, if you will; for I myself am best
When least in company. Prosper well in this, And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,
To call his fortunes thine.
[Aside]
yet, a barful strife!
Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
[Enter MARIA and Clown]
[Exit]
[Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO]
God bless thee, lady!
MALVOLIO Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him:
infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the
better fool.
MALVOLIO I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a
barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day
with an ordinary fool that has no more brain
than a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard
already; unless you laugh and minister occasion to
him, he is gagged. I protest, I take these wise men, that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better than the fools' zanies.
[Re-enter MARIA]
[Exit MARIA]
Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it.
[Exit MALVOLIO]
Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH]
pickle-herring! How now, sot!
me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.
[Exit]
[Exit]
[Re-enter MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with
you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him to
understand so much, and therefore comes to speak
with you. I told him you were asleep; he seems to
have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore
comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him, lady? he's fortified against any denial.
MALVOLIO Has been told so; and he says, he'll stand at your
door like a sheriff's post, and be the supporter to
a bench, but he'll speak with you.
OLIVIA What kind o' man is he?
MALVOLIO Why, of mankind.
OLIVIA What manner of man?
MALVOLIO Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you or no.
OLIVIA Of what personage and years is he?
MALVOLIO Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for
a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a
cooling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him
in standing water, between boy and man. He is very
well-favoured and he speaks very shrewishly; one
would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.
MALVOLIO Gentlewoman, my lady calls.
[Exit]
[Re-enter MARIA]
[Enter VIOLA, and Attendants]
[Exeunt MARIA and Attendants]
Now, sir, what is your text?
[Unveiling]
OLIVIA Get you to your lord;
I cannot love him: let him send no more;
Unless, perchance, you come to me again,
To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:
I thank you for your pains: spend this for me.
[Exit]
[Re-enter MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO Here, madam, at your service.
MALVOLIO Madam, I will.
[Exit]
[Exit]
TWELFTH NIGHT
[Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN]
SEBASTIAN By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over
me: the malignancy of my fate might perhaps
distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you your
leave that I may bear my evils alone: it were a bad
recompense for your love, to lay any of them on you.
ANTONIO: Let me yet know of you whither you are bound.
SEBASTIAN No, sooth, sir: my determinate voyage is mere
extravagancy. But I perceive in you so excellent a
touch of modesty, that you will not extort from me
what I am willing to keep in; therefore it charges
me in manners the rather to express myself. You
must know of me then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian, which I called Roderigo. My father was that Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you have heard of. He left behind him myself and a sister, both born in an hour: if the heavens had been pleased, would we had so ended! but you, sir, altered that; for some hour before you took me from the breach of the sea was my sister drowned.
SEBASTIAN A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled
me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but,
though I could not with such estimable wonder
overfar believe that, yet thus far I will boldly
publish her; she bore a mind that envy could not but
call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with salt water, though I seem to drown her remembrance again with more.
SEBASTIAN O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble.
SEBASTIAN If you will not undo what you have done, that is,
kill him whom you have recovered, desire it not.
Fare ye well at once: my bosom is full of kindness,
and I am yet so near the manners of my mother, that
upon the least occasion more mine eyes will tell
tales of me. I am bound to the Count Orsino's court: farewell.
[Exit]
[Exit]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE II A street.
[Enter VIOLA, MALVOLIO following]
MALVOLIO Were not you even now with the Countess Olivia?
MALVOLIO She returns this ring to you, sir: you might have
saved me my pains, to have taken it away yourself.
She adds, moreover, that you should put your lord
into a desperate assurance she will none of him:
and one thing more, that you be never so hardy to
come again in his affairs, unless it be to report your lord's taking of this. Receive it so.
VIOLA She took the ring of me: I'll none of it.
MALVOLIO Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her
will is, it should be so returned: if it be worth
stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be
it his that finds it.
[Exit]
[Exit]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE III OLIVIA's house.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW]
midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo surgere,' thou know'st,--
SIR ANDREW Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up
late is to be up late.
SIR TOBY BELCH A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.
To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the four elements?
SIR ANDREW Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists
of eating and drinking.
SIR TOBY BELCH Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!
[Enter Clown]
SIR ANDREW Here comes the fool, i' faith.
SIR ANDREW By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I
had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In
sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last
night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the
Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman: hadst it?
SIR ANDREW Excellent! why, this is the best fooling, when all
is done. Now, a song.
SIR TOBY BELCH Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.
SIR ANDREW There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a--
SIR ANDREW Ay, ay: I care not for good life.
O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
That can sing both high and low:
Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
Journeys end in lovers meeting,
Every wise man's son doth know.
SIR ANDREW Excellent good, i' faith.
What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies no plenty;
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.
SIR ANDREW A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight. SIR TOBY BELCH A contagious breath. SIR ANDREW Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.
But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? shall we do that?
SIR ANDREW An you love me, let's do't: I am dog at a catch. Clown By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well. SIR ANDREW Most certain. Let our catch be, 'Thou knave.'
SIR ANDREW 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to
call me knave. Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold thy peace.'
Clown I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
SIR ANDREW Good, i' faith. Come, begin.
[Catch sung]
[Enter MARIA]
a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not I consanguineous? am I not of her blood?
Tillyvally. Lady!
[Sings]
'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'
Clown Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
SIR ANDREW Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do
I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it
more natural.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Sings] 'O, the twelfth day of December,'--
[Enter MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have ye
no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like
tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an
alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your
coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse
of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?
MALVOLIO Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me
tell you, that, though she harbours you as her
kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If
you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you
are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please
you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.
Clown 'His eyes do show his days are almost done.' MALVOLIO Is't even so?
Clown Sir Toby, there you lie. MALVOLIO This is much credit to you.
steward? Dost thou think, because thou art
virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?
crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!
MALVOLIO Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any
thing more than contempt, you would not give means
for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.
[Exit]
MARIA Go shake your ears.
SIR ANDREW 'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's
a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to
break promise with him and make a fool of him.
SIR TOBY BELCH Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll
deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
MARIA Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan. SIR ANDREW O, if I thought that I'ld beat him like a dog!
dear knight?
SIR ANDREW I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason
good enough.
SIR ANDREW I have't in my nose too.
that they come from my niece, and that she's in love with him.
MARIA My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour. SIR ANDREW And your horse now would make him an ass. MARIA Ass, I doubt not. SIR ANDREW O, 'twill be admirable!
[Exit]
SIR ANDREW Before me, she's a good wench.
what o' that?
SIR ANDREW I was adored once too.
more money.
SIR ANDREW If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.
the end, call me cut.
SIR ANDREW If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.
to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE IV DUKE ORSINO's palace.
[Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and others]
Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,
That old and antique song we heard last night: Methought it did relieve my passion much,
More than light airs and recollected terms
Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times:
Come, but one verse.
[Exit CURIO. Music plays]
Come hither, boy: if ever thou shalt love,
In the sweet pangs of it remember me;
For such as I am all true lovers are,
Unstaid and skittish in all motions else,
Save in the constant image of the creature
That is beloved. How dost thou like this tune?
My life upon't, young though thou art, thine eye Hath stay'd upon some favour that it loves: Hath it not, boy?
VIOLA A little, by your favour.
An elder than herself: so wears she to him, So sways she level in her husband's heart:
For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,
Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,
More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn, Than women's are.
VIOLA I think it well, my lord.
Or thy affection cannot hold the bent;
For women are as roses, whose fair flower
Being once display'd, doth fall that very hour.
[Re-enter CURIO and Clown]
Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain;
The spinsters and the knitters in the sun
And the free maids that weave their thread with bones Do use to chant it: it is silly sooth,
And dallies with the innocence of love,
Like the old age.
[Music]
SONG.
[Exit]
[CURIO and Attendants retire]
Once more, Cesario,
Get thee to yond same sovereign cruelty:
Tell her, my love, more noble than the world, Prizes not quantity of dirty lands;
The parts that fortune hath bestow'd upon her, Tell her, I hold as giddily as fortune;
But 'tis that miracle and queen of gems
That nature pranks her in attracts my soul.
Can bide the beating of so strong a passion As love doth give my heart; no woman's heart So big, to hold so much; they lack retention Alas, their love may be call'd appetite,
No motion of the liver, but the palate,
That suffer surfeit, cloyment and revolt;
But mine is all as hungry as the sea,
And can digest as much: make no compare
Between that love a woman can bear me
And that I owe Olivia.
To her in haste; give her this jewel; say,
My love can give no place, bide no denay.
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]
rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?
fool him black and blue: shall we not, Sir Andrew?
SIR ANDREW An we do not, it is pity of our lives.
[Enter MARIA]
How now, my metal of India!
[Throws down a letter]
for here comes the trout that must be caught with tickling.
[Exit]
[Enter MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO 'Tis but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told
me she did affect me: and I have heard herself come
thus near, that, should she fancy, it should be one
of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a more
exalted respect than any one else that follows her.
What should I think on't?
SIR ANDREW 'Slight, I could so beat the rogue!
SIR TOBY BELCH Peace, I say.
MALVOLIO To be Count Malvolio!
SIR TOBY BELCH Ah, rogue!
SIR ANDREW Pistol him, pistol him.
SIR TOBY BELCH Peace, peace!
MALVOLIO There is example for't; the lady of the Strachy
married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
SIR ANDREW Fie on him, Jezebel!
MALVOLIO Having been three months married to her, sitting in
my state,--
SIR TOBY BELCH O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!
MALVOLIO Calling my officers about me, in my branched velvet
gown; having come from a day-bed, where I have left
Olivia sleeping,--
SIR TOBY BELCH Fire and brimstone!
MALVOLIO And then to have the humour of state; and after a
demure travel of regard, telling them I know my
place as I would they should do theirs, to for my
kinsman Toby,--
SIR TOBY BELCH Bolts and shackles!
MALVOLIO Seven of my people, with an obedient start, make
out for him: I frown the while; and perchance wind
up watch, or play with my--some rich jewel. Toby
approaches; courtesies there to me,--
SIR TOBY BELCH Shall this fellow live?
MALVOLIO I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my familiar
smile with an austere regard of control,--
SIR TOBY BELCH And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips then?
MALVOLIO Saying, 'Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on
your niece give me this prerogative of speech,'--
SIR TOBY BELCH What, what?
MALVOLIO 'You must amend your drunkenness.'
MALVOLIO 'Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with
a foolish knight,'--
SIR ANDREW That's me, I warrant you.
MALVOLIO 'One Sir Andrew,'--
SIR ANDREW I knew 'twas I; for many do call me fool.
MALVOLIO What employment have we here?
[Taking up the letter]
aloud to him!
MALVOLIO By my life, this is my lady's hand these be her
very C's, her U's and her T's and thus makes she her
great P's. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.
SIR ANDREW Her C's, her U's and her T's: why that?
MALVOLIO [Reads] 'To the unknown beloved, this, and my good
wishes:'--her very phrases! By your leave, wax.
Soft! and the impressure her Lucrece, with which she
uses to seal: 'tis my lady. To whom should this be?
FABIAN This wins him, liver and all.
MALVOLIO [Reads]
Jove knows I love: But who?
Lips, do not move;
No man must know.
'No man must know.' What follows? the numbers altered! 'No man must know:' if this should be thee, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO [Reads]
I may command where I adore;
But silence, like a Lucrece knife,
With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore:
M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.
FABIAN A fustian riddle!
MALVOLIO 'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first, let
me see, let me see, let me see.
FABIAN What dish o' poison has she dressed him!
MALVOLIO 'I may command where I adore.' Why, she may command
me: I serve her; she is my lady. Why, this is
evident to any formal capacity; there is no
obstruction in this: and the end,--what should
that alphabetical position portend? If I could make
that resemble something in me,--Softly! M, O, A, I,--
MALVOLIO M,--Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.
MALVOLIO M,--but then there is no consonancy in the sequel;
that suffers under probation A should follow but O does.
FABIAN And O shall end, I hope.
MALVOLIO And then I comes behind.
MALVOLIO M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former: and
yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for
every one of these letters are in my name. Soft!
here follows prose.
[Reads]
'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy Fates open their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace them; and, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be, cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity: she thus advises thee that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings, and wished to see thee ever cross-gartered: I say, remember. Go to, thou art made, if thou desirest to be so; if not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of servants, and not worthy to touch Fortune's fingers. Farewell. She that would alter services with thee,
THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.'
Daylight and champaign discovers not more: this is open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors, I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very man. I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered; and in this she manifests herself to my love, and with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy. I will be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a postscript.
[Reads]
'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling; thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.' Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do everything that thou wilt have me.
[Exit]
SIR ANDREW So could I too. SIR TOBY BELCH And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest. SIR ANDREW Nor I neither.
[Re-enter MARIA]
SIR ANDREW Or o' mine either?
bond-slave?
SIR ANDREW I' faith, or I either?
the image of it leaves him he must run mad.
SIR ANDREW I'll make one too.
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
[Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour]
[Aside]
though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy lady within?
[Exit]
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW]
VIOLA And you, sir. SIR ANDREW Dieu vous garde, monsieur. VIOLA Et vous aussi; votre serviteur. SIR ANDREW I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.
you should enter, if your trade be to her.
[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]
Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain odours on you!
SIR ANDREW That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.
SIR ANDREW 'Odours,' 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em
all three all ready.
OLIVIA Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA]
Give me your hand, sir.
OLIVIA O, by your leave, I pray you,
I bade you never speak again of him:
But, would you undertake another suit,
I had rather hear you to solicit that
Than music from the spheres.
VIOLA Dear lady,--
VIOLA I pity you. OLIVIA That's a degree to love.
[Clock strikes]
The clock upbraids me with the waste of time. Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you: And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest, Your were is alike to reap a proper man:
There lies your way, due west.
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE II OLIVIA's house.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]
SIR ANDREW No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.
SIR ANDREW Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the
count's serving-man than ever she bestowed upon me;
I saw't i' the orchard.
SIR TOBY BELCH Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.
SIR ANDREW As plain as I see you now. FABIAN This was a great argument of love in her toward you. SIR ANDREW 'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?
was a sailor.
SIR ANDREW An't be any way, it must be with valour; for policy
I hate: I had as lief be a Brownist as a
politician.
SIR TOBY BELCH Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of
valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him; hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's commendation with woman than report of valour.
SIR ANDREW Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?
it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough for the bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it. Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it.
SIR ANDREW Where shall I find you?
[Exit SIR ANDREW]
strong, or so.
youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy.
[Enter MARIA]
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE III A street.
[Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO]
SEBASTIAN I would not by my will have troubled you;
But, since you make your pleasure of your pains,
I will no further chide you.
SEBASTIAN My kind Antonio,
I can no other answer make but thanks,
And thanks; and ever [ ] oft good turns
Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay:
But, were my worth as is my conscience firm,
You should find better dealing. What's to do?
Shall we go see the reliques of this town?
ANTONIO To-morrow, sir: best first go see your lodging.
SEBASTIAN I am not weary, and 'tis long to night:
I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes
With the memorials and the things of fame
That do renown this city.
SEBASTIAN Belike you slew great number of his people.
SEBASTIAN Do not then walk too open.
SEBASTIAN Why I your purse?
SEBASTIAN I'll be your purse-bearer and leave you
For an hour.
ANTONIO To the Elephant.
SEBASTIAN I do remember.
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE IV OLIVIA's garden.
[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]
[Exit MARIA]
I am as mad as he,
If sad and merry madness equal be.
[Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO]
How now, Malvolio!
MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho, ho.
MALVOLIO Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and
please all.'
OLIVIA Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It
did come to his hands, and commands shall be
executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
OLIVIA Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.
MARIA How do you, Malvolio? MALVOLIO At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws. MARIA Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady? MALVOLIO 'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ. OLIVIA What meanest thou by that, Malvolio? MALVOLIO 'Some are born great,'-- OLIVIA Ha! MALVOLIO 'Some achieve greatness,'-- OLIVIA What sayest thou? MALVOLIO 'And some have greatness thrust upon them.' OLIVIA Heaven restore thee! MALVOLIO 'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'-- OLIVIA Thy yellow stockings! MALVOLIO 'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.' OLIVIA Cross-gartered! MALVOLIO 'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'-- OLIVIA Am I made? MALVOLIO 'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'
[Enter Servant]
[Exit Servant]
Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry.
[Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA]
MALVOLIO O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than
Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with
the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may
appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that
in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;
'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity;' and consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
[Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN]
the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.
MALVOLIO Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go
off.
MALVOLIO Ah, ha! does she so?
with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is't with you? What, man! defy the devil:
consider, he's an enemy to mankind.
MALVOLIO Do you know what you say?
MALVOLIO How now, mistress!
you not see you move him? let me alone with him.
MALVOLIO Sir!
gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang him, foul collier!
MARIA Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
MALVOLIO My prayers, minx!
MARIA No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
MALVOLIO Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
things: I am not of your element: you shall know
more hereafter.
[Exit]
niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.
[Enter SIR ANDREW]
SIR ANDREW Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's
vinegar and pepper in't.
FABIAN Is't so saucy?
SIR ANDREW Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.
[Reads]
'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'
why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'
sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'
be thy chance to kill me,'--
one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll give't him.
orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away!
SIR ANDREW Nay, let me alone for swearing.
[Exit]
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.
[Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA]
for a challenge.
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA]
[Exit]
[Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN]
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end: dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.
very competent injury: therefore, get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
gentleman till my return.
[Exit]
[Exeunt]
[Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW]
firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
SIR ANDREW Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.
scarce hold him yonder.
SIR ANDREW Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so
cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld
have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
SIR TOBY BELCH I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show
on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.
[Aside]
Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
[Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA]
[To FABIAN]
I have his horse to take up the quarrel:
I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.
with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.
will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to't.
SIR ANDREW Pray God, he keep his oath!
[They draw]
[Enter ANTONIO]
[They draw]
[Enter Officers]
VIOLA Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
SIR ANDREW Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,
I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily
and reins well.
First Officer This is the man; do thy office.
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head. Take him away: he knows I know him well.
[To VIOLA]
This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
What will you do, now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me Much more for what I cannot do for you
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed; But be of comfort.
[Exit with Officers]
whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
[Exit]
a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.
SIR ANDREW 'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him. SIR TOBY BELCH Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword. SIR ANDREW An I do not,--
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
[Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown]
Clown Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
SEBASTIAN Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
Let me be clear of thee.
SEBASTIAN I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else: Thou
know'st not me.
SEBASTIAN I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me: There's
money for thee: if you tarry longer, I shall give
worse payment.
[Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN]
SIR ANDREW Now, sir, have I met you again? there's for you.
SEBASTIAN Why, there's for thee, and there, and there. Are all
the people mad?
SIR TOBY BELCH Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.
[Exit]
SIR ANDREW Nay, let him alone: I'll go another way to work
with him; I'll have an action of battery against
him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I
struck him first, yet it's no matter for that.
SEBASTIAN Let go thy hand.
soldier, put up your iron: you are well fleshed; come on.
SEBASTIAN I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? If
thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.
SIR TOBY BELCH What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two
of this malapert blood from you.
[Enter OLIVIA]
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]
I prithee, gentle friend,
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and thou unjust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go: Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me,
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.
SEBASTIAN What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!
OLIVIA Nay, come, I prithee; would thou'ldst be ruled by me!
SEBASTIAN Madam, I will. OLIVIA O, say so, and so be!
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE II OLIVIA's house.
[Enter MARIA and Clown]
[Exit]
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA]
MALVOLIO [Within] Who calls there?
MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir
Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me
here in hideous darkness.
MALVOLIO As hell, Sir Topas.
MALVOLIO I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this house is dark.
MALVOLIO I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there
was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you
are: make the trial of it in any constant question.
Clown What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?
MALVOLIO That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.
Clown What thinkest thou of his opinion?
MALVOLIO I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas!
thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offence with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.
[Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA]
'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does.'
MALVOLIO Fool!
Clown 'My lady is unkind, perdy.'
MALVOLIO Fool!
Clown 'Alas, why is she so?'
MALVOLIO Fool, I say!
Clown 'She loves another'--Who calls, ha?
MALVOLIO Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my
hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper:
as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to
thee for't.
Clown Master Malvolio?
MALVOLIO Ay, good fool.
Clown Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
MALVOLIO Fool, there was never a man so notoriously abused: I
am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.
MALVOLIO They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness,
send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to
face me out of my wits.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas!
MALVOLIO Fool, fool, fool, I say!
MALVOLIO Good fool, help me to some light and some paper: I
tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.
Clown Well-a-day that you were, sir
MALVOLIO By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper and
light; and convey what I will set down to my lady:
it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing
of letter did.
MALVOLIO Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.
MALVOLIO Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I
prithee, be gone.
Clown [Singing]
I am gone, sir,
And anon, sir,
I'll be with you again,
In a trice,
Like to the old Vice,
Your need to sustain;
Who, with dagger of lath,
In his rage and his wrath,
Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
Like a mad lad,
Pare thy nails, dad;
Adieu, good man devil.
[Exit]
TWELFTH NIGHT
SCENE III OLIVIA's garden.
[Enter SEBASTIAN]
SEBASTIAN This is the air; that is the glorious sun;
This pearl she gave me, I do feel't and see't;
And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus,
Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio, then?
I could not find him at the Elephant:
Yet there he was; and there I found this credit, That he did range the town to seek me out.
His counsel now might do me golden service; For though my soul disputes well with my sense, That this may be some error, but no madness, Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune So far exceed all instance, all discourse,
That I am ready to distrust mine eyes
And wrangle with my reason that persuades me To any other trust but that I am mad
Or else the lady's mad; yet, if 'twere so,
She could not sway her house, command her followers, Take and give back affairs and their dispatch With such a smooth, discreet and stable bearing As I perceive she does: there's something in't That is deceiveable. But here the lady comes.
[Enter OLIVIA and Priest]
SEBASTIAN I'll follow this good man, and go with you;
And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.
[Exeunt]
TWELFTH NIGHT
[Enter Clown and FABIAN]
[Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and Lords]
double-dealer: there's another.
if you will let your lady know I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.
[Exit]
[Enter ANTONIO and Officers]
Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd
As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war:
A bawbling vessel was he captain of,
For shallow draught and bulk unprizable;
With which such scathful grapple did he make With the most noble bottom of our fleet,
That very envy and the tongue of loss
Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?
That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy; And this is he that did the Tiger board,
When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:
Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state, In private brabble did we apprehend him.
What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies, Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,
Hast made thine enemies?
[Enter OLIVIA and Attendants]
But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness: Three months this youth hath tended upon me; But more of that anon. Take him aside.
To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars
My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?
Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death, Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy
That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this: Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,
And that I partly know the instrument
That screws me from my true place in your favour, Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still;
But this your minion, whom I know you love, And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly, Him will I tear out of that cruel eye,
Where he sits crowned in his master's spite. Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief: I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
To spite a raven's heart within a dove.
DUKE ORSINO Husband! OLIVIA Ay, husband: can he that deny?
[Enter Priest]
O, welcome, father!
Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
Here to unfold, though lately we intended
To keep in darkness what occasion now
Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.
When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case? Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow, That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow? Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.
[Enter SIR ANDREW]
SIR ANDREW For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently
to Sir Toby.
OLIVIA What's the matter?
SIR ANDREW He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby
a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your
help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.
OLIVIA Who has done this, Sir Andrew?
SIR ANDREW The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for
a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.
DUKE ORSINO My gentleman, Cesario?
SIR ANDREW 'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for
nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't
by Sir Toby.
SIR ANDREW If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I
think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown]
Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates than he did.
on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?
hate a drunken rogue.
SIR ANDREW I'll help you, Sir Toby, because well be dressed together.
knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!
[Exeunt Clown, FABIAN, SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW]
[Enter SEBASTIAN]
SEBASTIAN I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:
But, had it been the brother of my blood,
I must have done no less with wit and safety.
You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
I do perceive it hath offended you:
Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
We made each other but so late ago.
A natural perspective, that is and is not!
SEBASTIAN Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,
Since I have lost thee!
ANTONIO Sebastian are you?
SEBASTIAN Fear'st thou that, Antonio?
SEBASTIAN Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
Of here and every where. I had a sister,
Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.
Of charity, what kin are you to me?
What countryman? what name? what parentage?
SEBASTIAN A spirit I am indeed;
But am in that dimension grossly clad
Which from the womb I did participate.
Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'
VIOLA My father had a mole upon his brow. SEBASTIAN And so had mine.
SEBASTIAN O, that record is lively in my soul!
He finished indeed his mortal act
That day that made my sister thirteen years.
SEBASTIAN [To OLIVIA] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:
But nature to her bias drew in that.
You would have been contracted to a maid;
Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.
DUKE ORSINO Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
If this be so, as yet the glass seems true, I shall have share in this most happy wreck.
[To VIOLA]
Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.
And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.
[Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN]
A most extracting frenzy of mine own
From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
How does he, sirrah?
[Reads]
'By the Lord, madam,'--
[To FABIAN]
THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'
OLIVIA Did he write this?
[Exit FABIAN]
My lord so please you, these things further thought on,
To think me as well a sister as a wife,
One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you, Here at my house and at my proper cost.
[To VIOLA]
Your master quits you; and for your service done him, So much against the mettle of your sex,
So far beneath your soft and tender breeding, And since you call'd me master for so long, Here is my hand: you shall from this time be Your master's mistress.
[Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO Madam, you have done me wrong,
Notorious wrong.
OLIVIA Have I, Malvolio? no.
MALVOLIO Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
You must not now deny it is your hand:
Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;
Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:
You can say none of this: well, grant it then
And tell me, in the modesty of honour,
Why you have given me such clear lights of favour, Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you, To put on yellow stockings and to frown
Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;
And, acting this in an obedient hope,
Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,
Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest, And made the most notorious geck and gull
That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why.
MALVOLIO I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.
[Exit]
He hath not told us of the captain yet:
When that is known and golden time convents, A solemn combination shall be made
Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,
We will not part from hence. Cesario, come; For so you shall be, while you are a man;
But when in other habits you are seen,
Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.
[Exeunt all, except Clown]
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man's estate,
With hey, ho, &c.
'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate, For the rain, &c.
But when I came, alas! to wive,
With hey, ho, &c.
By swaggering could I never thrive,
For the rain, &c.
But when I came unto my beds,
With hey, ho, &c.
With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
For the rain, &c.
A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, &c.
But that's all one, our play is done,
And we'll strive to please you every day.
[Exit]